Have yu ever been in a relationship/marriage where you were or became opposites?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9460)
United States
November 11, 2012 2:27pm CST
Unfortunately my husband and I now are complete opposites. Before and when we were first married we had the same goals and outlook on life. We both had wanted to live a simple life, and focus our time and energy on volunteer work. Which we did a lot of before we were married and after we were married for the first few years.
Now he has become a complete materialistic person. All he wants to do is earn more and more money. He says he wants to be a billionaire and he is not kidding. He wants to go to college for 12 years to become a doctor. After three years in the field he would like he will have made a million. But he will not be happy with that he says so he wants to become a billionaire. He wants to use his money from being a doctor to create inventions.
Now becoming a doctor is a lot of work and he will not have any time for us. That's only one big change that he has decided to go after. There have been so many. Our relationship isn't going to work. My goals remain the same, and we are just going in different directions.
2 responses
@habibti320 (925)
• United States
11 Nov 12
I hope that this is just a phase for him. Although I am sure that there are ways in which you have changed as well, it sounds like he has made an ideological shift.
I can attest that as I get older and have gotten "burnt" by charity and non-profit organizations, I am less inclined to make as much sacrifice for volunteering. Have you guys gotten into financial insecurity? Have you been volunteering with populations that haven't made tangible changes in a positive direction?
Does he want to focus on making money instead of doing charity or making money instead of putting time into your relationship?
If he doesn't want to do charity anymore, don't pressure him. You can still continue doing it as your own interest and don't try to make yourself sound "morally superior" or anything. Instead, try to focus on your own relationship. What other interests do you still share? What interests does he have that you haven't been able to share with him?
I hope that you guys can talk openly and figure out what your new relationship looks like. All the best!
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9460)
• United States
12 Nov 12
Thanks for your suggestions I appreciate it. Really in reality I still want the same things that I did earlier. My values and what's most important to me hasn't changed. We don't have debt or anything like that. We just don't have a brand new car, or own a home. He wants so many things. And he really will not be happy for a long time until he feels he has a billion dollars. I unfortunately am sure there is no changing his mind about. Because I talked with him about being a doctor and asked him if we did this whole 12 year process of him going to college, and moved to a different state,etc would he be happy at the end.
And he said to me with all seriousness that he will not be happy until he is a billionaire. So that tells me a lot right there all he wants is money right now. He is willing to sacrifice everything in order to get it. We don't really have the same interest anymore. Like I mentioned earlier he has made a complete change. He has went from wanting to volunteer, live a simple life and take care of his family, wholesome recreation to wanting all the money he could possibly possess, playing video games all the time, and starting to isolate himself from his family and friends.
@mydanods (6513)
• Nigeria
11 Nov 12
i really think you should talk to him about it. of what use would being a millionaire be to him? 
thousandnaire, millionaire, billionaire...of what use is money if you cannot make yourself happy with having them? ask him to be careful that he is not overtaken by fear of poverty and security now that both of you are married and will have to cater for more responsibilities than before. 
check out signs for why he wants to turn to the materialistic way of life and of what use it will be to your marriage and see if he was right and you were wrong after all, or if it would be best for you to help him.
thousandnaire, millionaire, billionaire...of what use is money if you cannot make yourself happy with having them? ask him to be careful that he is not overtaken by fear of poverty and security now that both of you are married and will have to cater for more responsibilities than before. check out signs for why he wants to turn to the materialistic way of life and of what use it will be to your marriage and see if he was right and you were wrong after all, or if it would be best for you to help him. 1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9460)
• United States
12 Nov 12
He just wants to have a rich lifestyle. To be able to buy whatever he wants when he wants.I can understand making enough money to take care of your family and be comfortable. But that is not what my husband wants. Because I had a really serious discussion with him about being a doctor. Because I thought perhaps if we moved to a different state, he went to the college of his choice, and we made it through the 12 yrs to where he becomes a doctor then he would be happy. He told me even after he becomes a doctor he would not be happy. Basically that millions every few years is not enough. So then he would want to pursue inventions.
Mind you he has a wife and child and it would be us always trying to get time with him but we would never be able too. Because he's not going to stop. There will always become some way that he is trying to pursue more money even after he's rich. Which will take up all of his time. He's trying to live a life as if he's a bachelor and has no responsibility. And honestly I do not want to spend the next twenty years chasing my husband's dreams which would take all of his time. I don't want to live my life like that.
