Is it fine to intervene in your friend's love quarrels?
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
November 12, 2012 10:54am CST
My friend sent me a message asking for my help because her fiance wants to have some space in their relationship. They were supposed to get married in October, but had to postpone it due to her spinal surgery. Now, to my surprise, she's crying and devastated because of their situation.
I never liked that guy when they first got together, because I really thought he was immature and has a tendency to cheat. But, since my friend loves him, so I've learned to accept him, too.
Now, I was really mad at the guy, and I couldn't help myself but send a message to him, asking what he's done, and what his plans are now, considering that they were planning to marry very soon. I told him that what he's done is unacceptable.
Of course, he didn't reply.
I didn't tell my friend what I did, but I don't think she'll get upset, either.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@habibti320 (925)
• United States
12 Nov 12
I think it depends on the relationship and the approach. Whenever our friend comes to us with a relationship problem, we only really know the side that they tell us. If it doesn't seem like any abuse happened, we should try to hear the other side before we make a judgment or give advice. If that is not appropriate, then we should just affirm our friend and support her. Try to help her talk to him about the issue.
There are so many problems that can be created through meddling in other people's relationships. We could risk creating new problems between them or losing our own friendship with the person.
Maybe instead of lecturing her fiance, you could ask him how he's doing. If he wants to talk to you about his relationship, that is his choice. Don't tell him everything that your friend told you. He might not be comfortable that you know so much about his issues and he doesn't know about yours...it is a little one-sided! If you guys do talk, please don't promise to keep any secrets from your friend.
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
I like what you said. I guess that's the best way to handle this. Afterall, I don't really know the whole story just yet. I guess that's what I wanted to hear from him -- his side of the story, but my approach wasn't the right way. Thanks.
@olliekobra1 (1825)
•
14 Nov 12
I would really not get involved in other peoples relationships because it always turns bad it also looks like you are taking sides. Some people also see this as interfering and dislikes this so if i was you i really would try and stay out of it
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
I didn't do anything more after that one text. I realized I shouldn't have done so. My friend hasn't reached out anymore, so I guess, they've fixed it themselves.
@olliekobra1 (1825)
•
14 Nov 12
You definitely did the right thing by leaving because these situations always turn bad , and your right about sorting it out thing's normally get sorted out over time
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
Obviously, the guy is not that serious of settling down. It is hard to persuade him to take back what he has said to her, but I guess, the best thing is for your friend to just think a lot about the guy if he is really worth it. No sense of telling her what you told him. You said your piece to the guy and let's just hope that he will realize what he has done.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
The guy is just too good to be true. I didn't believe my friend when she told me the guy wants to settle down. I really think he isn't ready. But, well, my friend loves him and trusts him so much, and since she is the one who is living with him, so she must know what's real.
@bhabycatch013 (9150)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
hi jurea,
Just a month ago when I sent a message to my friend EX who become a freaky, creepy, stalker ex boyfriend my friends really don't know what to do anymore she can't complain to the local authorities cause she needs to considered lot of people who will be involve with the situation so what I did was I sent a message saying how bad he was and he is giving headaches to my friend after few days he replied asking forgiveness but I don't bother to response him back.
happy mylotting
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
I guess that was a necessary action for you, since the guy's actions are really getting disturbing. Good that he acknowledged his mistakes.
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
13 Nov 12
Hi friend, as you mentioned both your friend and the guy is in love, so their is nothing wrong in their marriage, if both of them are interested with it. Some persons will get married in their teen age and get responsibilities after that, so don't worry, surely he will be responsible after he marriage. Most of the immature persons will be matured after their marriage
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
13 Nov 12
They say their in love, but I don't believe they are ready to commit to marriage. I'm sorry but I don't believe that people mature when they get married. I've seen a lot of couples break up after marriage because they all hope that their partner would become the person they want them to be.
@namusoke1 (83)
• Uganda
13 Nov 12
In my own opinion i say don't because sometimes relationship issues should be settled by them. Sometimes if you intervene you might more harm.Just seat back and watch they will sort things out, where necessary give advices to keep them together because that's what makes your friend happy right?
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
Yeah, she loves him and needs my help to keep their relationship going. I don't know if that's what is right, but if that's what her heart wants, then so be it.
@prashu228 (37518)
• India
12 Nov 12
oh that's so sad, our heart breaks when ever someone cheats us, or our friends . If she is really very close to you you can advice her, if she takes in a positive way,that's well and good. But if she wont then better not give any suggestion.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
12 Nov 12
She did ask for my advice, but we didn't get the chance to see each other in person. We were supposed to meet up during the weekend but she had to go to her hometown for her mom's birthday. I really hope we could sit down and talk so I'd know what best to advice her.
