How can I improve my Emotional Intelligence?
By habibti320
@habibti320 (925)
United States
November 18, 2012 6:15pm CST
Hello Mylotters!
There are many emotional qualities that I like about myself, such as my resilience and independence. However, when it comes to relationships, I feel that I hit a certain plateau emotionally. I'd like to learn more about emotional intelligence and actually become more emotionally intelligent.
There seem to be a lot of books on this subject, but before I start reading, I'd like to start incorporating certain behaviors and thought pattern shifts. It's important to me that I begin to see improvement instead of just talking about it.
What do you suggest? I know I'm not giving you exact details about my problems, but I think starting off generally would be more helpful right now!
3 people like this
11 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
hi, habibiti320! I'll try to tell you how I think I have managed to improve my emotional intelligence. And I hope that you can get some point about it.
We go on with life meeting a lot of people. Some would catch our attention that having an intimate relationship seem to be the next step. But sometimes, relationships do not go well. Why? Maybe because of lack in common goals, misunderstood behavior or simply the love has hit the plateau that you were saying. When a person suddenly puts a halt in a relationship, I think that the person realized that he/she is not growing as a person with his/her partner. A relationship should be an enjoyable company and something that both should be comfortable with even if they are not together.
Now I ask you? When you get attracted to a person, what was it that you first noticed? How did you show your affection? Did you ever feel that your love is being reciprocated? How do you pend your time together? Where do you find yourself in that relationship- a person that could not live without the other or the person that can be courageous even when not together? Do you think that your reasons for loving a person is shallow?
@habibti320 (925)
• United States
19 Nov 12
I don't just mean romantic relationships. Instead, I find it hard to want to go past a certain point even in friendship. I'd rather keep things deep, but not deep enough that I depend on that person. I think that this independence has served me well, but it has caused some issues with friends who feel hurt that I do not share everything with them, or even things they think should be shared. Also, I'd like to find myself in a more emotionally healthy state as I may be moving to a different country soon. If I am not healthy emotionally, it will be very difficult to form good friendships and a support system there.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
I see.... Well, if that is the case what you need is "conditioning" of the mind. You should let yourself feel free to be connected to people. Independence, I understand. But, of course, we also need friends that we could relate to and have someone to talk to whenever we want.
So your problem is most likely asking yourself: "Do I have to?" It is only you who could help yourself. Not unless you reach out to people and let them stay in your lives, then you will always be feeling secluded.
@akmalia89 (41)
• Indonesia
19 Nov 12
i think you can read as much as you will. but emotional is something that develop by time. not some like instant noodle that can be made for 5 minute. in need process. i think you should improve your emotional by start with small issue first then gradually move to larger issue.
@AbrahamWithoutLot1 (14)
• United States
19 Nov 12
1. Give up your addiction to "control". It is burdensome. We can only really control our own actions and reactions.
2. Remember forgiveness is essential. It is not a one-time affair. Most times forgiveness is a process and is not complete with the first, "I forgive you". You may need to re-forgive (even for the same offense by the same person or entity).
3. Enjoy your life now! Do not wait until you have "arrived" at a certain point or attained a particular goal. Life's little moments are "life," so appreciate and enjoy. In fact, celebrate mowing the lawn, the research for that paper or even washing the car.
@youless (112419)
• Guangzhou, China
19 Nov 12
I think thinking before speaking is better. As you know, silence is the gold. We often annoy others because our unsuitable words. If we can think about it before we say anything, the situation will be improved. It is also the same when you are angry. Try to count down in your mind and then speak because the words are always hurtful when you are angry.
@riempie9 (1021)
• South Africa
19 Nov 12
Read the book called Emotional Intelligence. It is very informative and you may have to read it slowly and over time and come back to things you have read as this is not a recipe for cookies but a way to know more about life around you and sharpen your own awareness. Again, do not read this book in one sitting. Read a few pages then think about is over a few days... when you come back to the book it is easier.. this is a slow boil of a book. There are no specific answers.
@ardhidoank (136)
• Indonesia
19 Nov 12
Talking about emotional is not easy way to handle it. Emotional has always strong relate with behavior and deed so they are both interrelate and cannot separated each other. we must to know and expert when it comes and how to handle it well. Certainly anyone has emotional intelligence that different with one of them and also the way to solve it different too. My point in order to handle and know about how to manage and control our emotional about something is open your mind (back to our self); ask your self and answer by your self that question(s), why become like this, why I cannot control my emotional, and why?
I am sure you are able to deal with it and do not forget prayer to your god. in the end you will get the result and now your inner side.
@OpinionatedLady (5965)
• United States
19 Nov 12
I think one thing many of the books have in common would be to make a list. List the pro's and con's, how you see your self. Once this is done you can take an inventory of sorts of yourself and then pick one small aspect you would like to change and start working on it. Be it quitting a habit or starting a good one.
@lrwwin (13)
• Hong Kong
19 Nov 12
As you said, there are many emotional intelligentce. And we will encount different relationship with different people. Relationship with your family / your lover/ your friends/ your colleague. There is different method for different parner.
Do you think so?
If your would like to have good relationship with your family & LOVER, you must pay much about you love. Love will be the first priority thing to our family. You need to love them by heart. Always care about them by heart. They will feel it.
If you would like to have good relationship with your friend. You should know how intimate you & your freind. Good friend will care about what you think, and normaly friend just care about what you are.
If you would like to have good relationship with your colleague, you need to realist the work for all of you & your colleague. They are your working parner or opponet.
Hope it will helps a little bit for you. We will meet different perple in everyday. we need to learn day by day.
Thanks.
@nelerkz (467)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
You can improve it by yourself, you should know how to handle and manage your emotions. Only yourself can intervene what is the best to improve but one thing I can give you is just to be wise ! :)
@yuekim123 (161)
• Philippines
19 Nov 12
Hello there! I can relate to you. I'm am also not that intelligent in terms of measuring your emotional intelligence. But that was before because I was able to deal with it. Well, I started improving my E.I by asking questions to myself as to why I am like that and reflecting very often. By that way I am starting to know my inner side. And prayer also made me improve. :)
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
19 Nov 12
Joining this site may be one of the exercises to improve on your emotional intelligence. because you will be exposed to different real life situation. Yes, it is a paradigm shift. what you think over a relationship? Were you affected of some failure relationships? So these questions hampered your improvement emotionally. But hten like what I said, this site and reading on the people's experiences may help you in a way, who knows. HOw about this site try to see if this will help you.
www.effective-positive-thinking.com I hope so. but hey this is the first step opening up and relating your feelings is the start of improvement. The mere fact that you open up and admit that there is something wrong with you. it is a good sign. Way to go my friend.