Should I walk out from him?
By sherlychin
@sherlychin (76)
Malaysia
December 6, 2012 11:31pm CST
It has been a year now since I last wrote about my relationship with my husband. He has since got a full time job and everything seems okay. The other day I took a thousand dollar from his account and he has asked me to return the money. I took the money because my wages isn't enough for the family expenses. He never give me any monthly allowance. He never pay the rental or bills. He occasionally will buy something for the family but definitely not monthly. The minutes he ask me to return his money, I feel it is the end of our relationship :(
2 people like this
14 responses
@jeztrose (1405)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
I think you and your husband have to talk about this things to clear things up between both of you.Personally whenever me and my husband have misunderstanding we just talk it's either me or him to start the talk, we never let our misunderstanding to last for a week. Having conversation with him will help you understand him more on what he really feels.
1 person likes this
@jeztrose (1405)
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
right! that is really one way to be able to have a good relation with your partner. Don't let your pride get in the way, if you really love your partner and want your marriage to last you should try to work things out. Running away from those problems will make you regret it someday.
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
That is what my wife and I do too when we have some sort of misunderstanding or miscommunication. We talk and we always find the solution that way.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I have not read your discussion about your husband but if you think that you no longer have peace and harmony in your relationship and that your patience have reached its end, then maybe it is best for you to separate ways. I hope that you will fin peace in your heart and mind soon.
1 person likes this
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
True jenny1015. Some of my friends go separate ways with their partners and end up living happier. I myself am not into breaking up. It is also a fact that in some cases breaking up is the only best solution.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
7 Dec 12
So what does he expect you to do? Live on bread and water? Surely he has responsibilities as your husband still to provide for you, you said provide for the family, so I take it you have children, here in the UK, the CSA (Child Support Agency) would be right on his case to provide for his children. I would maybe suggest seek legal help if possible, or communicate with your husband and try and negotiate, he should still provide for you and your family financially!
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
It is common practice that a husband provides for his wife and kids financially. He is not unemployed. He is earning a full time income.
@jswindell10 (417)
• United States
8 Dec 12
Provide details of where this money is going (invoices, remittance statements).
Then explain to him that you have had to cover this in his absence/unemployment.
Do the math that would reflect such expenses.
If he still gives you a hard time, start working on a way to get out of the relationship and get your legal team (child support agency, divorce attorney) in order and keep records of all monetary transactions as well as proof that you paid.
@jswindell10 (417)
• United States
10 Dec 12
Yeah...when it comes to the business of marriage, a solid paper trail of expenses says everything.
If she goes before a judge, she may be asked to present proof of such bills. A common expense is tuition for the kids as private education may be necessary as water. Not sure where you're from but in the US, it gets high. However, in some cases an arrangement can be made to have it reduced. Especially in a single working parent situation or any family that is struggling financially. Yet, there are some instances where a wife may tell a husband anything and pocket the money for themselves.
My point is that money situations that allow for speculation lead to disaster eventually. Keeping accurate records protects both parties.
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 12
I don't think it is necessary to provide all those invoice and stuff. As a husband i think he should only ask what she is doing with the money and should never ask for it back. Seriously, she is providing for the family.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
No don't think like that. Talk to him first so he can explain why he is like that.
You should see to it that he shares in the monthly expenses of the family since he has a full time job.
If he can't really share , then you can leave him. That's not the way a marriage should be.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
10 Dec 12
Yes, we always have to consider some things first before being drastic in our decisions, lsjapdoit.
I wonder , why it was you who was answering all our comments on this discussion, lsjapdoit
The starter seem not to have even answered us at all. 
The starter seem not to have even answered us at all. @lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
That is very considerate of you SIMPLYD. Probably he does have strong and valid reasons to do what he does.
@rajashekar2k12 (173)
• Hyderabad, India
7 Dec 12
don't think that your husband will have any problem in in office or something else dont break your relation ship its not the correct solution try to ask your husband whats the problem and what happened to him try to discuss about your problem .....
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
You have a point there rajashekar2k12. It is wise to first find out why he did what he did. Breaking up should only be the last resort.
@rajashekar2k12 (173)
• Hyderabad, India
10 Dec 12
ya but we cant get break up with husband its a long relationship in over life if we break up with this person and next we need to have another husband only in over life so try to convince him and make your life happily
@youless (112113)
• Guangzhou, China
7 Dec 12
That sounds bad. Didn't you have an agreement to your money before marriage? Even though, I think it is fair that both of you shall be responsible to some expenses. It is wrong that you have to pay all of them. You need to have a talk with your husband in peace. This really matters to a marriage.
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
It is natural and fair for couples to share their expenses. That goes for couples before as well after marriage. In fact it is compulsory for married couples, otherwise the marriage is likely not to last.
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
7 Dec 12
Whether he likes it or not it is his obligation to provide things for you and your kids.
If he doesn't want you to touch his money- then talk with him and settle the matter legally.
That's the best thing you can do.
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
Legal action is indeed an option to consider. Be prepared to end the relationship if that action is taken.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
8 Dec 12
In marriage it is important to know the mechanics of give and take. If he's a good husband, he should consider your salary too and try to understand.
My suggestion is, you make a joint account! That will be both of your share. You don't really have to have a specific number. Your contributions will depend on your salaries. If he has a higher income then it is only expected that he should contribute more.
When it's husband and wife, you shouldn't even think about getting paid back. You have a family you are raising together. The way you explain it your husband is like a banker not a partner.
@superbadx (484)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 12
Well, i think you should have a talk with your husband about that. You should ask him before taking the money and tell him that your wages can't support the whole family. But really though, it's hurt you for him to ask for the money back, the most he should only ask why you took it.
@skyandgrassplot (1497)
• China
8 Dec 12
Well your husband is so mean,I never heard about that the rental or bills just be paid by wife,so it must has something goes wrong.So why just have a long talk with your husband?Since you two had get married then you two should face the family problem together.
If your husband's answer is not good enough,I mean just some excuse,then I think this relationship is very dangerous.
@ccmacarayan (188)
• Philippines
8 Dec 12
When you got married, your husband made a vow to provide for the family. To renege from this duty is unacceptable. Has it been like this with you before or is this just a recent event? I'm not really sure how to advice you on this since what you wrote lacked the background leading to this.
@betty1989 (751)
• China
7 Dec 12
your man is mean, I think. As you said, he didn'y pay the rental or bills, that show that he is not responsible for you. He just put all be burden on you. And you took a thousand dollor from his account for family expenses, he shouldn't ask you to return his money since you two should suppor your daily expense, not just you. have a nice day.
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
I am a husband. I would never let my wife pay all of our family expenses. I can't understand why some husbands with income do that.
@lsjapdoit (651)
• Indonesia
8 Dec 12
Husbands and wives should naturally share their expenses, because they are now a family. If you take care of the family expenses, including his, then he is not a good husband.
