My cousin's boyfriend told to her,"please wait for me for more 3 years,I am not

China
December 22, 2012 11:31pm CST
Today one of my cousins call me and cry,her boyfriend,who she have fell in love with more than 2 years,told her that he do not prepare to get marry with her right now.The thing begins with this,my consin's parents told her that since she is in love with her boyfriend more than 2 years and has a stable relationship, so may be you two should prepare to get marry next year.Then my cousin discuss with her boyfriend and get the above answer. Do this answer reasonable?My cousin is 25 years old and her boyfriend is 28 years old,so actually they are all in a marriage age,and I have a little scare that my cousin's boyfriend do not love her enough.
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15 responses
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
23 Dec 12
umh...better both they should have a talk again and get out the proper solution for both. she should know what reason makes that man need 3 years more...and then they can have the final solution...
• China
23 Dec 12
Your advice just the same as mine,I told my cousin to have a long talk with her boyfriend and get the clear reason,but now I do not have any message yet,really wish things will go to the positive side.
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
23 Dec 12
Maybe he is not really ready yet. No age in marriage, at least the BF is still honest. Maybe the BF thinks of more better things in life that's why he is not ready yet. She should be happy that her BF is honest to tell her the truth. They are still both young they don't need to rush things. AFter 3 years, she will be 28 and her bf will 31 years old. Not bad, just in time to be parents, and maybe more stable as adult. Like they had gotten over with the single hood already. They say it is more tastier and healthier if the fruit is ripen by nature, and in the tree... fruit ripen by force tastes either sour or bland.
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• China
23 Dec 12
I really wish her boyfriend feel the same way with you.
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• China
23 Dec 12
Sorry there is a misunderstanding,I mean,I hope the reason of her boyfriend is thinks of more better things in life,and that is what I mean" feel the same way with you".
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@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
23 Dec 12
why his bf? not your cousin? did i read in wrongly that your cousin (the gf) wanted to get married soon?
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• Singapore
23 Dec 12
I think that there must be a reason why he is asking for 3 years. Did your cousin ask him? To me, it is not a matter of time, but a matter of what he intends to do with the time given. If he plans to further his studies to get a better job or he is going to build a business to improve their lives together, then three years is a reasonable time to wait. There must be something concrete that he wants to achieve withing the time period. Thus, do not be too quick to dismiss it as she does not love her enough. I recalled a story that happened to one of my friend. She asked her boyfriend at that time when they could settle down, get married and stuff. He could not give her a definite answer. He said that he was not ready to settle down. As such, she moved on to find another partner and got married. A couple of months after that, her ex-boyfriend got married too, with another girl. She was upset. If she had known that he was keen to settle down at about the same time, she would have waited. Unlike this story, your cousin's boyfriend gave a definite time (3 years). I think it is not important to establish the reason for the duration.
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• Singapore
23 Dec 12
Last sentence should read: I think it IS important to establish the reason for the duration.
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• China
23 Dec 12
Yes I can not agree with you any more,and that is why I feel a little worried,her boyfriend do not give a clear and reasonable reason,and just said that he is not ready for a marriage,actually both my cousin and her boyfriend have a stable job so they should prepare for marriage.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
23 Dec 12
well, my story is a bit different but the man did ask me to wait him 2years also but i found that it is not a right reason, he scares marriage life and i don't know when he can be confident to get in marriage life...finally i left..i don't want to spend my life time for it, it is not worth...
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@sriroshan (2585)
• India
25 Dec 12
Truly speaking for them this is the right age and as they know each other for more then 2 years and they are in relationship also, actually it true what her parent had questioned her. After all every parent wants their daughter to settle and have a good life with the person she is in love. What I feel may be this boy have some financial or other problems that's the reason he is prolonging to get married to her. I think her parent should take initiative and talk to boy to sort out the matter.
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
29 Dec 12
Why I had said this because when parent get involved in such matter it helps us to sort this very easily. I have seen such incidence in real life and when parent had come in the picture the so called love problem have been sorted out easily.
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• China
30 Dec 12
I had conveyed your idea to her parents but they did not willing to talk with her boyfriend because they thought that it was the problem between this two people.
• China
26 Dec 12
Actually my cousin and her parents do not put lots financial pressure on him,but you give me a good point,and that is her parents should take a initiative talk to that boy,yes may be I will tell my cousin to do so.
• United States
24 Dec 12
It is not unheard of for your cousin to wait until she is 28 to get married to him...but that is assuming that he is trustworthy and will be ready for marriage to her by then. Because the timing is so specific, it is odd if he doesn't give a reason for that. I can understand if he is not ready for marriage and wants to make himself ready--maybe take care of any family issues, build up his savings, deal with any emotional issues, etc. It seems more likely that he should say that he needs time, and it is likely that it will take up to 3 years. I think that your cousin is in a difficult situation, but if this guy is the right one, the wait will not seem too long and it could actually be good for them. They could spend more time making sure that they are BOTH ready to handle the responsibilities and maturity required in marriage.
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• China
24 Dec 12
So you give me the point,whether this guy is the right one?I just can not confirm this and so does my cousin,it is really a difficult situation.
• United States
24 Dec 12
I don't think that anyone on here can confirm that he is the right one. You should consider other aspects of their relationship. Do they get along well? Is he honest and proven to be trustworthy? Is he desiring to marry her, and disappointed that he is not able to marry sooner? All the best to you and I hope you and your family have lots of success and happiness.
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• China
25 Dec 12
They get along together more than 2 years and have less quarrel,so may be not bad,but every time I see her boyfriend he do not show warmth to me. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
I actually admire your cousin's boyfriend for being so honest. Not many guys would admit that they cannot marry yet and would just give in to pressure. You should tell your cousin that maybe the guy feels that he cannot take the responsibilities of a married life just yet. It doesn't mean he cannot commit, but he needs more time to grow. Although they are in marrying age, some people are just not ready. Give him some time. If in the years to come, he still does not show any interest in marriage, maybe he doesn't really have the ability to commit.
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• China
23 Dec 12
So that is the reason,because in my mind a 28 years old boy do can take the responsibilities,and if he can not make the marriage happen after 3 years then it will hurt my cousin so much.
• China
24 Dec 12
Yes I have the same concern with you,in my mind I think that the best time gor a girl to get pregnant is about 25,so at that time my cousin is at least 28.
@kipmik (14)
• Philippines
23 Dec 12
I have a feeling that the man isn't ready yet to handle such responsibility. Maybe, he has been attached on living a life as a bachelor and probably he need more time to prepare himself. However, there is an unclear notion. Waiting for 3years must be something. I hope that waiting in vain will not ever happen to the lady. If they really love each other, there will come a time that they will be settling down. I am just a bit concerned of their age. Regarding with health issue, there is existing risk regards with pregnancy.
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@maximax8 (31055)
• United Kingdom
23 Dec 12
Your cousins boyfriend doesn't sound ready to get married. This is a shame since he is 28 years old and your cousin is 25 years old. Waiting 3 more years is unreasonable because they have already been together for 2 years. I hope her boyfriend gets engaged to be married to her and sets the wedding date in 18 months time. Then they both would have compromised. This idea might keep them together or it might split them up. Good luck to your cousin.
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• China
23 Dec 12
Actually in my city there are no a engagement custom,so may be that would not help,buy anyway,thanks for your kind advice.
@youless (112096)
• Guangzhou, China
7 Mar 13
Perhaps 25 years old for a woman to get married is suitable, but it seems it is still not the right age for men yet. As you know, in this modern society people tend to get married later because they want to have a good finance at first. Everything costs money, the wedding, child, education etc. But it is not so nice for your cousin's boy friend asked her to wait for him for three years. As a man can get married easily even if he is older, but a woman can't have so many golden years to wait. It is not so easy for a woman to find a nice man to get married after 30. This is the fact. Since they have been in love for two years already, and I think it is find for them to get married next year. If he says no, perhaps he is not ready for it and this is because he doesn't love her deeply yet.
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• China
7 Mar 13
I think the weirdest place is how can this guy spoke out a exactly number of years?I still can not understand this.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
24 Dec 12
I suppose it depends on what their plans are for the future as to if the answer indicates he doesn't love her, in my opinion. If there is school or certain career paths, it might require a little more time to commit to a marriage. OR he might be afraid.
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• China
25 Dec 12
Actually he do not in school any more and has a stable job and they had got along together more than 2 years,so that is why we think that they should get marriage and at least make a plan for it.
@toniganzon (72317)
• Philippines
6 Jan 13
I'm not sure how your culture deals with marriages, but in my place, yes that age is marrying age but not the desperate marrying age for a guy. Nowadays women get married in their 30s and men too. I think 20s are still young but not that young. And for me, marriage is more than just about love. It's about financial and emotional stability. Maybe the guy is not yet emotionally stable that's why he doesn't want to get married yet. It should not be taken the wrong way immediately. If he's the right guy for our cousin then so be it. But if they don't end up together, she still has that opportunity to end up with someone better.
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• China
7 Jan 13
Thanks for your kind advice,but in my city,28 years old for a girl will be very difficult to get marry.So may be this is the culture difference.
• India
24 Dec 12
May be the boyfriend may not be stable with his life and may be he tries to find it stable so that he can enjoy the life at it's best. Anyway find the appropriate reason why he needs such a long years and if you find the reason as appropriate. i would ask you to cop up with it.
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• China
24 Dec 12
The problem is,my cousin still do not get the clear reason,so may be my cousin should have more communicate with her boyfriend to solve this problem.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
29 Mar 13
Hi, Your cousin and her boy friend should discuss about this and hse should tell him about her parents feelings. She should ask the reason why to wait for 3 years. If they both love each other they should try to understand each others difficulties. There should not be any misunderstanding. and if the reason is genuine there is nothing wrong in waiting for 3 years.
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• China
30 Mar 13
But her boyfriend only give one simple reason"not well ready",and my cousin's parents do not satisfy with this answer at all.
@chunxiao (66)
• China
24 Dec 12
If her boyfriend told her that,he should also give reaons for what he said.Why doesn't he want to marry her and why does he need another 3 years? If he can give a reasonable explanation,your cousin should carefully evaluate what he said;if not,she should reconsider their relationship or love.During the two years,was your cousin unilaterally paying her love ?
• China
24 Dec 12
That is possible,every time when I encountered her boyfriend he always is neither hostile nor friendly,so if it is just my cousin unilaterally paying her love,that will be a sad thing.
@miryanag (346)
• Bulgaria
25 Feb 13
I think that no one should tell them when or if they should get married. They should want to become husband and wife and they will when they are ready it could be tomorrow or after ten years it's the couple decision.
1 person likes this
• China
26 Feb 13
Yep,so now we all decide that their marriage is up to them.
• India
13 Apr 13
well, your cousin can give her bf a test of how much he loves her and is honest to her... if it seems that he really love her then they can engaged and marry later.. if somebody does not have anyone then even can break the marriage, but as you said they are single now so it is the best time for her to check that guy, my sister wait for her husband 7-8 years, there was a time that came to my mind maybe he tried to ignore her but that was because he loved my sister a lot and wanted to full fill all of her desire and make a good life for her to not suffer from anything ,so he did a lot work and study as well to become successful enough in his career and make a happy life .. and now they have 2 kids and happy married life they have.. he asked to wait more to my sister, because he wanted to save more money and start marriage life with no money problems...
• China
14 Apr 13
Wow,I am so envy the marriage of your sister... By the way,regarding to the test,could you give me any good idea?