How do you handle people who change?
By hoseasmate
@hoseasmate (720)
United States
December 26, 2012 8:07pm CST
In my life I have experienced sinners who have found religion; smokers who have quit smoking; drinkers who have stopped drinking; and drug users who have stopped using drugs. They seem to be all gung-ho and anxious to tell the world about their conversion and to convert others to their new way of life. What about those who have changed their food habits? I have a friend who became a vegetarian and she and I share good natured ribbing about each other's food choices. She is not pushy; doesn't demand I eat her foods; and doesn't say don't eat that (unhealthy for her) food in my house. That I can tolerate. Our position is you eat what you want to eat and I'll eat what I want to eat. We occasionally share each others foods. However, I have another person in my life who tells me 'don't bring that here'; I want my kids to be healthy, they can't have that and tosses out the cookie or cupcake I bring. She also asks me to go to the store and pick up a gallon of milk. I go to the store and pick up a gallon of milk like I always have. I get back with it and she says, 'we don't drink that anymore...we only drink milk that is healthy and not filled with all the additives'. Well, I for one have no idea what is and is not in the milk and I think she is being really pushy and rude to try to inflict her lifestyle choice on me. Since this is a family member, there is no option to stop seeing the person, but only to limit the exposure. How do I respond so that I support her choices, but I don't want the limitations placed on me. Yes, it may be good for me, but I will make my own choices.
2 people like this
8 responses
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
27 Dec 12
You should have that same conversation with her that you and your friend have. That you want to eat the way you do and that she shouldn't be rude about it. I have actually quit a few friends that eat very healthy. One is a vegetarian and the others are into like the whole nine yards of eating healthy.
My one friend that is a vegetarian I just don't bring food to her house because I know she is very picky, so much so that it bothers her conscience if she eats things that are unhealthy. Almost everything has some kind of additive in it unless I drive to a whole food store and buy some type of snack for twenty or more dollars. So I just don't bother. I personally don't have that type of money.
I usually go to her house and she is very hospitable and I don't mind eating her food. It usually taste pretty good. One time she made soy burgers with vegetables and it didn't taste bad. I think if I were to bring food to her house it would be pointless because it wouldn't get eaten.
She is planning to come to my home since I moved. If that is the case then we will more than likely get subway. She is very picky even about cooking with non stick pans, butter, or any type of grease, everything has to be organic or natural.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
16 Jan 13
Yeah it is understandable to eat healthier if your trying to stay in shape or do the activities she does.I do understand what you mean about it being easier to understand if it's a life style change. That is how it is with my friend it's a life style for her. She has her garden, she uses organic or homemade everything,and her child only goes to homeopathic clinics if sick so I do respect her life style choice. I just think that everyone should respect others viewpoint. Like I don't feel that other people should look down on us because we use regular inexpensive food, and household items.
1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
16 Jan 13
And that's what I'm talkin about! I feel sometimes like some of the vegetarians and the runners and the green movement people are like a cult that they belong to and look with disdain on others who are not part of their particular movement. I eat homegrown fruits and vegetables because I prefer the taste, not because of some green movement or because I think that it is healthier for me. At my age, it is probably a little late to be joining any kind of movement! I also don't understand runners. They hurt their bodies and claim how good it feels. Now that doesn't make a lick of sense to me. I can understand someone staying active within limits of not hurting themselves because staying active will keep ones mind active.I also understand that there is some sort of chemical that is released into the brain during exercise and that it can be addictive. I don't know, except I don't like the arrogance that most of these type people have.
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
I think that my friend and I understand the position of the other because we are about the same age and maturity level. Of course, she might debate that issue with me! She became a runner and eventually began to eat healthier as she got more in shape. She wanted to increase her stamina and distance running and knew that changes in her diet were necessary. That makes sense to me. Going to the health food store and paying an exorbitant amount for groceries doesn't make sense to me. She does this and says that she doesn't want all the harmful chemicals in the food in her children's bodies. Yet, she pumps the full of vacinnations and medicine to treat the allergies they have. She continues to use laundry detergent with additives that could be changed to the kind you make at home. If it were a total lifestyle change I could probably accept it better. It just seems that it is more of a status symbol for her to shop and the higher priced market.
1 person likes this
@jkli123 (67)
• Singapore
27 Dec 12
You can have a nice chat with her? Talk about your problems over a cup of tea or coffee. People do change with time, either by external pressure or by their own thoughts. Its hard at the beginning to negotitate with this kind of people but you can definitely try to come on terms with your family memeber. But be careful not to take it too far as people who changed can be quite sensitive at first and may just burst out into a fight which may worsen your relationships. So just take it slow for now and try to accomodate her.
1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
I just don't see how she and her husband can afford what I deem to be an alternative lifestyle on their salaries. Especially now that one of them will be a full time student. I think that if she wants that type life style that she should move to an acreage like she was raised on and grow her own food and let the children gather eggs and do chores like she did when she was younger. We were poor. Now, I see from her that it is the lifestyle of the rich! She bought very little at the local health food market for $150. I could go to a regular store and stretch that out to almost a month's worth of groceries!! Yep she is way too sensitive about it at this point. At least my friend isn't sensitive about it and that makes me believe that she is more genuine about her health and eating things that are good for her rather than keeping up some type lifestyle because it is the 'in' thing to do.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
I have had a lot of people who did change - and im telling you sometimes, a lot of them thinks wayyy too much and would go out of their way to show off what little change they have got to tell you and whomever you are with how good they are at being able to embrace the changes they have made into their lives..
It is of course okay for us to be changing, for good, getting rid of bad habits, exercising for our health, but we cannot push people to do whatever they are not comfortable in doing. sometimes the best is to show people and not nag at them. right?
1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
You know, I think if I saw a weight loss in my daughter or I saw that my friend looked fresh and healthy then I might want to adopt that lifestyle. Who doesn't want to look younger, thinner, and healthier? I am so grateful that I have been blessed with good health and am not required to change any eating or drinking habits due to health issues. I am not kidding. I ran into an acquaintance that I had not seen for at least five years. She was shopping in the local health food store and told me that a couple of years past she and her husband decided to eat healthier. She looked awful. I thought she had been terribly ill and was recovering from a near fatal illness! I actually asked a friend one time who went on a diet and I had not seen in about one year if he had cancer because he looked so thin a unhealthy! All things in moderation, I say. Now, if I could just apply that to MY eating habits!!
@artemeis (4194)
• China
27 Dec 12
Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and perceptions. But, in your friend's case I must say that she does have certain legitimate concerns with her choices, even when she seems to be imposing.
I think you will agree with me that there are way too much additives with certain types and brands of food that in turn are harmful to our bodies when we ignorantly consume them. She may seem unreasonable and to certain extent a bigot but I think if you would just stop to read the fine prints, I am sure you will understand her issues.
Eating healthy requires us to be careful with our choices and aware of certain hazardous brands or products in the market. It is a shame to say that due to the crisis some businesses have known to abandon ethics for profits.
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
I did eat healthy when it wasn't the fad thing to do. I grew up poor and my mother made everything from scratch and we grew foods in our garden. We ate little meat because my mom just couldn't afford it. Then when I married, we had limited income during the early years of our childrens lives because we choose for me to be a stay at home mom. This meant that cutting corners in the food budget was always an option. I raised a huge garden and canned the produce. We picked fruit and berries and either froze or canned them. We had goats for milk and chicken for eggs. We raised our own meat and that was a lifestyle that people then looked upon us as poor. Today, we would be held in high esteem because of the back-to-nature movement. Wow...what a life cycle!
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
27 Dec 12
You can be all honest with her in saying that you are grateful for what she has achieved in life , but pushing others to do exactly what she has done is other people's choice. You may want to change some of your ways, but it will be according to your own free will, at the right time.
1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
I keep tellin everyone that I am too old to change, but in fact, I do still have to be flexible enough to change on a daily basis. I think life should be a series of compromises that promote healthy attitudes and feelings toward others. Compromise would not entail changing my core beliefs or such. I truly admire those who are dedicated enough in eating to follow a diet or a specific meal plan. I've never been able to do that because I have to test plates where I work for quality and I eat a lot of different places. I would probably not be very successful at any limited diet plan because I must be so flexible.
@dee777 (1417)
• South Africa
27 Dec 12
It is sometimes difficult, but life is full of choices for all of us. Just like they choose what and how they want to live their lives, so can you. So I think that you should not focus on what other people do, or not do. Concentrate on what is working well for you and do just that. If people irritate you with their obsessions, you have the choice not to be in their company. Take care!
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
Yes, I must say that I have had to let some friendships go because of some of the choices those friends have made. I happen to have a very close friend right now who switched her eating habits and she just says, 'I don't eat that any more.' She is not judgemental and she doesn't expect me to eat like she does. She doesn't even express anger when I bring things that I shouldn't to her house to eat. Now that is what I call a true friend! She made her choice and she sticks to it. I don't think anything about what she eats and doesn't eat because she doesn't continually go on and on about it. She is very natural with her conversion to healthier eating.
@dogsnme (1264)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I would tell her that she needs to say what kind of milk to get BEFORE you go get it. And tell her, firmly but nicely, that you respect her desire to eat healthy but that you will drink and eat whatever you choose to. If you don't live with her I wouldn't say much about it since her rules don't apply to you. Some people will be overbearing no matter what you do.
1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
Valid point. HAd she told me to go the the health food store to pick up the milk I would have declined because I REFUSE to pay those prices for milk that probably came out of the same cow to begin with. If I had a guarantee that the foods and beverages sold in those health food stores were really organic, had no additivies, and were pure as the driven snow, I might choose to spend the extra money on them. But I think they are grown in the same polluted ground that grows other polluted produce and there can't be much difference in the nutrient value and the additive free products. If they were indeed without additives, I don't think they would have the shelf life that other similar products boast.
@macdingolinger (10386)
• United States
27 Dec 12
I think it is important that none of us push what we think on someone else. I have always been cold natured and people make fun of me for wearing "too many" clothes. I always tell them it's a good thing we don't dress each other in the mornings as I dress for my own comfort not theirs! 
It's the same food with other choices, we all have to make our own to feel the best about ourselves. We are the only one that is with us 24/7! lol.. I would not purchase stuff for another person since my thoughts are so different. I know I eat "weird" compared to others and we all have different thoughts as to what "healthy" means for us...we can all make our own decisions and be healthy...but because of the interpretation of "healthy" I would be hesitant to go to the store for your relative!
It's the same food with other choices, we all have to make our own to feel the best about ourselves. We are the only one that is with us 24/7! lol.. I would not purchase stuff for another person since my thoughts are so different. I know I eat "weird" compared to others and we all have different thoughts as to what "healthy" means for us...we can all make our own decisions and be healthy...but because of the interpretation of "healthy" I would be hesitant to go to the store for your relative! 1 person likes this
@hoseasmate (720)
• United States
28 Dec 12
Yep, and so will I be in the future very hesitant to go to the store. Number one, when someone buys something for me I will generally consume it if it won't kill me. I doubt that drinkin a half gallon of milk will cause much distress! I try to help others and sometimes I am more hinderance than help. But really, isn't it the thought or the motive that should count here?
