SHE gave underpants to my husband as birthday present
By Mintlin
@Mintlin (322)
China
January 6, 2013 12:49am CST
Yesterday was my husband's birthday,one of his female friend sent underpants to him as a gift.When i knew this,i really did not know what to say.that female friend is still single and she is my husband's previous workmate.I'm not a narrow-minded person,but i do feel jealous,i think underpants is considered a very private
personal stuff,only closest friend or partner can give this.
in my case,i never sent it to my female friends not to mention different gender.
My husband said they just normal friends and i thank too much.
Am i really think too much or woman today are too open ?
2 people like this
45 responses
@IntrovertShy (2780)
• Marikina, Philippines
7 Jan 13
I think there is nothing wrong with it. It is just your being jealous. Ha ha. Don't worry. Maybe that woman is just too much open minded and does not care about it. Maybe that workmate is a closest friend and so, its normal. You said that underpants is considered a very private personal stuff, only closest friend or partner can give this and if it is a woman, well, if this is his closest friend, I think its fine because you have already said it that underpants is considered fine if from a closest friend-- a closest friend which is a woman.
1 person likes this
@IntrovertShy (2780)
• Marikina, Philippines
7 Jan 13
Ooopps. I am so sorry. For me, its normal. Maybe I am too much open minded person and I understand the feelings of each individual. It is not normal to other people I guess. Well, I am different to those who respond here on your discussion.
1 person likes this
@IntrovertShy (2780)
• Marikina, Philippines
7 Jan 13
Anyway, it is fine to feel jealous, but its just a gift. Your husband still loves you. It is difficult to judge someone you know. Only God knows what is in her her heart. We judge a person through outside physical appearance and its hard.
1 person likes this
@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
7 Jan 13
Wow! For a woman to give underpants as birthday to a man suggests there is something deeper than platonic relationship. Maybe she is interested in your husband. Just keep a close watch on her. This so called intimate gifts are meant for boyfriend-girlfriend relationship or husband and wife relationship only. So, You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. The woman is coming to get your husband! Please beware of her movement or your husband's activities. Your husband may be good and faithful to you. But we never know if the woman is very persistent.
@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
7 Jan 13
Nobody is infallible. Beware of persistence as persistence conquers all.
@lindsiko (355)
• United States
7 Jan 13
You're right. That is a strange gift to give to a workmate. Maybe she found them on sale or had intended to give them to someone else and didn't have enough time to get your husband an appropriate gift. It could just be that she doesn't have a sense of what's appropriate to give as a gift but I'd keep on the lookout to make sure that she's not looking for more than a work companion.
1 person likes this
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
7 Jan 13
Well, I think the second of your assumptions written by you, then:
woman today are too open!
However, it was a present made to your husband, you know it is sometimes difficult to choose a gift for a person who does not know in depth his taste.
You must not, however, in no way be jealous, none will take away your husband!
One thing I would have to object.
The pants could be given away to him but in other circumstances. Not for Christmas!
1 person likes this
@dee777 (1417)
• South Africa
7 Jan 13
Last year winter friend of ours' wife gave long johns to my husband as a birthday gift. I am still angry... more confused, but did not mention anything about it to her. It has been over a year now and it is still in the packet she brought it. My husband just asked me 'now what must I do with this?'My husband and I are friends with this wife and her husband,and see them at least once a term for coffee...
1 person likes this
@reddog25770 (212)
• United States
7 Jan 13
What was she thinking? That is so beyond innaprortaite. If it was my husband I would have him give them back to her and explain that it is not okay to give underwear to a married man. He's lucky he is married to you because I don't think I would have been very understanding about it.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
7 Jan 13
That is so wrong? What does your husband say? I would be upset. People do not think of others before doing things anymore.
@fearlessgara (1113)
• Philippines
10 Jan 13
of course.he will say that .. why he would say if there is malice right? should I let my self caught ?
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
9 Jan 13
This is an extremely inappropriate gift. In fact, I don't think she should give him a gift at all.
This gift is an insult to you and disrespectful to your husband who is probably embarrassed. He should have refused the gift or returned it immediately he saw what it was.
I wouldn't worry about your husband as he has shown he has nothing to hide, however she has opened a door now and your husband is probably more aware of her now. It's very bad of her.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
11 Jan 13
Uh.... What??
Are you kidding me?
A: If I were your husband, getting underpants from a girl I knew, as a present to me, when I'm married....
We wouldn't be friends anymore. That would end my friendship with her.
Just end.
B: If I were a women, married to a husband who got underpants from an unmarried single girl, I would not be happy about this. This would be a problem in my world. What the heck!
Narrow minded? Your husband is getting hit on, hard by a single unmarried woman. I'd be telling him this is not a plan, and that if it continues, he's going to end up a single guy, and he can get all the underpants he wants from her, after I leave.
We're not playing that game. Sorry.
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
11 Jan 13
No I would not speak out in anger. Anger tears down the home. Love builds the home.
"I love you honey. I want us to have the best marriage possible, and this hurts me, and scares me. Please get away from this crazy women, because it hurts me when she does this."
Getting angry and yacking at your husband can actually make him want the other girl more, because you know she isn't doing that.
Your husband will be thinking "Well the other girl is nice and sweet, and kind to me, and my wife is all angry and upset and yacking at me. I like that other girl better."
Now we both know that this is bad for him, but when you get all mad and upset, that is not a good way to do it.
Now if it continues... yes I going to threaten to move out... but not in anger! Anger does not help. Never helps. Doesn't mean you can't be angry... like I said, I'd have a problem with this! But I would not talk to my husband in anger. Talk calm... cool... collected... thoughtful... loving...
Convince him to get away from crazy girl, with sweet smooth loving talk. Not "yack yack yack!" grouchy angry woman, never works.
1 person likes this
@dollar3235 (2062)
• India
6 Jan 13
It's kind of funny to read, obviously not funny for you. But I've a only one question, how did she know the size?
@dollar3235 (2062)
• India
6 Jan 13
You know, I feel she did it just to relieve her anger, it could be an act to provoke you and by doing this, disturbing your husband, just ignore it..
@LovingMyBabies (85290)
• Valdosta, Georgia
7 Jan 13
That is very wrong and rude of her. I would be jealous if someone gave their underwear to my husband also. That is something you just don't do, especially when the guy is married! So wrong.
1 person likes this
@deazil (4730)
• United States
7 Jan 13
I believe you are right to feel the way you do. I think that woman was wrong to do that. It's no kind of a gift to give a married man. And as someone else said, maybe she's trying to cause trouble between you, hoping that your husband will start looking her way if he has problems at home. But since he refuses to give them back, if it was my husband, some day something terrible would happen to that pair of underpants. They might get so much bleach on them in the wash that they would come out with holes in them, or at best the cloth would be so weakened by the bleach that they would rip when he tried to put them on. Or, they might just disappear to who knows where? Stranger things have happened. I do sympathize with you. I hope something I've said gives you an idea for a solution to feeling a little better about this.
@smiling_ja (261)
• Philippines
7 Jan 13
How did she know your husband's size? Merely by just looking at his body built? Well, if it happened to me, my initial reaction would surely be not a good one. Although we're not entertaining negative thoughts here, surely she may be overstepping her right to give that particular birthday present. There are lots of gift-able items in the market, she could have chosen a different one. Clearly she is not really thinking.
1 person likes this
@artemeis (4194)
• China
8 Jan 13
Something tells me that you have not got over the entire matter and that you would prefer that your husband to return the gift to his friend who gave it.
I can understand your concerns and that little bit of jealousy here. But, even though you are trying to be casual with it, I feel that you have not looked into the entire picture thoroughly enough other than trying to anticipate the sender's intentions behind the gift.
Now, I do agree with you that the gift is rather odd, considering your traditions, culture and experience. However, I believe modernization does change things especially in the way we think and live. In this situation, I would advise you to learn more about your husband's friends and see if he is the popular one in the group. You can always pick up from conversations with him, his peers, friends and family members. This is one of the reasons why as wives should never find excuses not to attend social gatherings, parties or office functions when husbands ask. There's a saying about keeping our friends close but our "enemies" even closer, I don't think there's no logic here. If there's isn't then organize one where his friends and co-workers can attend. These social gatherings are one of those that can keep tabs on what is happening around in your man's world outside the house.
I am not going to ask you to think too much of what is already posted but add a few other things which have not been mentioned. Your husband may be quite popular at work and has a great sense of humor where his friends would find him great to have around. He may even be the practical joker among them so when it is his day I believe some people will be short of ideas giving something that comes in a box that he will like and different from the rest. Not forgetting that some may even take this opportunity to return a joke on him and I don't think there's any other better day to do it, than his birthday here.
Another thing would be that his friend doesn't like to go around looking for gifts that needs us to find a box and then wrappers to wrap it up. Unlike t-shirts, pens or shoes, you will need to find a box before you can wrap, while the others will most likely be gifts from other people and difficult for the gift to be used at the same time - imagine receiving 2 pens or similar. Some people do have difficulties deciding on the 'best' gift for a nice friend and this woman is no exception.
I know this is odd of her but sometimes other than about open mindedness there are other issues like what I have mentioned here. I believe you know your husband well enough to believe him but not too well enough (if you get what I mean) of what goes on with his life at work or outside the house to take his word for it. So, I think you will need to seek clarity by getting to know his co-workers and peers to understand the bigger picture of your man's life.
@Mintlin (322)
• China
8 Jan 13
Hi art,I really appreciate your long and kind feedback,thank you so much,yes,you are such right,the underpants is just a signal to warn me ,i should not pay much attention on it,instead , i should pay more attention to my husband's life and know him more. thank you so much !
@goldenteardrops (747)
• United States
7 Jan 13
I think I would say are these yours? and then if it was said yes then I would say why did you send this to MY husband in a nice way and tone of voice? then I would respond he cannot wear them so he has no use for them? return and he wears size so and so in boxers or shorts. that he can use..he would look funny in your underwear and I know he is not gay, so here ya go. besides we wash our underwear together. and I do not want to wash these with mind. so I thought it was invitation from you for the underwear is not a good idea and I am his wife and think maybe you should take them back..and if he gets smart just tell her alone...and if she gets smart then out the door she goes..or perhaps ..she needs some shock waves on her birthday. like maybe I could say alot but better not right now... a joke is a joke but something like that is not something to laugh at sounds like an invitation..let her know that also...and forgive , forget, but be wise...speak up..
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
6 Jan 13
What? Is it something used or soiled? That's not very nice of a woman to give to a man especially when he is already married. She seems to be courting disaster. I hope nothing is happening there because it seems like the woman is suggesting something. I wouldn't be comfortable with it if I were the wife.
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
11 Jan 13
You should have a good talk with your husband. By the way, did she get the size correct and was it in your hubby's favorite colour. If both are yes, I think your hubby has a lot of explaining to do.
I hope I am wrong.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
6 Jan 13
She just has no class. She either has a really trashy sense of humour, or she's a sl.t. It's just not appropriate to give underwear to someone as a present who's not a family member. Your husband should understand why you were so shocked. I'd wonder what he thought if a guy friend of yours gave you a panty for an occasion, especially a more exquisite one...
@hushgal (57)
• Kenya
6 Jan 13
Lack of respect i suppose, probably a desperate move to seduce your hubby. I think your hubby refused to return the underpants because first, it was a gift and second, he does not want to take matters beyond the embarrassment. Stay calm and sober, nature and time has a way of revealing dirty secrets.