i feel left alone by my friends...
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30186)
Philippines
January 12, 2013 4:56am CST
We have been friends for over some time now... we have shared much too much time together as well but lately i feel they are sort of disregarding me much like some groups would do to an outcast. Just yesterday, they had a send away party for this office mate of ours who is by the way also my friend. the thing is, i was also in good terms with her but i was not even invited to the night out... and they both pretended as if they weren't doing anything. I asked them prior if we have plans on friday and non was talking nor responding to me until i just forgot i asked about it.
Then over one lunch day, one of them suddenly was asking where they should go for the send away party and from my surprise they both shut up as if they knew "uh-oh" there was this silent moment and i just pretended it didn't bother me at all.
I even thought we were good buddies, considered them good friends, and considered them like brothers... but this incident just proved that they are not what i think of them. So im hurt that this has happened and may cause me to change and set back a little and rethink of everything... True friends are really just hard to find.
3 people like this
11 responses
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I have many experienced on that in many cases since I was a teenager that's why I learned to be alone. I have many friends and most of them are friends have benefits for me, they only want me because they want something for me. And yes I'm trying to be nice to them and give what they want. But when I'm the one who needs them for a company or something they are all gone. I already learned it many years ago that's why when it happened to me now I'm not that hurt. I just learned to live and make my own strategy on how to solve my own problem without their help. I just hope someday I learned to say no to them. That's the reality and I should have to accept it.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I really do not know how to react to this... i mean it kinda shot me straight - a bulls eye. I think there was really just something that they did want... i am friendly i help them, and i think the ones who benefited more are them, because they seemed like a leader and not wanting to compromise... I think i just might want to be alone... not to depend... i have been hurt by friends before, leaving me right when i needed them. But this time i thought they are my friends... that they are not those that are shallow people and so i had hopes again that we could really be good friends. now though i might just not expect this to be what i thought it was... i do not think friends should be doing this, and they should consider their actions and my feelings.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
Yhea I know what you feel I've been there many times asking why they are only likes me when they want something on me, it's very obvious. But I have to calm and be positive I can live without them and can meet more friends. I know I can't control them wanting me to be with them if they don't want to. But me I can control myself for not being affected on them.
1 person likes this
@miyazaki12 (428)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
Things like this would really pop up. I know it's kind'a hard accepting at first but there would be times when even if you already considered someone as a close friend, they would only treat you as an acquaintance. Don't think too much. Just act casually. You can't please everyone. I'm sure there are still a lot of people who treats you as their friend.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I know we cannot please everyone, but i have just expected them to respect me and my feelings as well. we have been close and we always go together... but this time they left me out for other people... whom was never even part of the "group" we always go along with. it just is too much and hurtful to do that. that was plain and simple rejection.
@miyazaki12 (428)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
I understand. If I were in your situation, (since I am a cry-baby) I might have cried when they were aren't looking. Just move forward though. Don't think of it as your loss. Think of it as their loss.
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
12 Jan 13
You might consider them as your good friend, but they might not consider you as a friend at all, so why bother. Maybe you are upset that they treated you that way, but to know it sooner better than later. So, now you know your direction how to see them and shouldn't expect that much in the near future. That is something I learn from my relationship with this girl also. I learn my place, and I already distant myself from her as much as I can. And now she also knew that I don't really like her that much.
@Cutie18f (9546)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
That's bullying. I hate people who do that. They are most likely jealous of you. Well, try to look for real friends elsewhere because they seem to be of the same feathers and you're not one of them. It is better to have real friends than to insist in being friends with bullies like them.
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
ah yeah, this probably could be it. they always want to get it their way, and perhaps in their ways i have not noticed that they are bullying me. i remember last friday they went to lunch an hour earlier and they knew i had a meeting to attend to. they just said i can follow but when i was to go there i got an sms that they are already done! so why would i still go? i mean that's just plain and simple, clear as crystal that they are trying to get rid of me this way so that i would just not go with them... =(
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
I think so, too that they don't see you the way you see them. I guess, I'd feel bad myself if I were in that situation, too. Might as well not to expect too much from people. Real friends are hard to find. And in knowing that they are real friends, it takes a bit of time.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
hi there jenny! i try to understand them.. but they have not reacted as the kind any friend would. they could have at least told me they could not invite me over and tell me what the reason is. they should know me well already not to think i am narrow minded. you are right, real friends are hard to come by. thank you for your response. :D see you around the site!
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
So, how is your relationship with your office mates now? Did you ever considered confronting them about it? Or have you just been cold to them?
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
12 Jan 13
sorry you feel that way. Have you tried talking to your friends? It might help, to understand them. Give it a try....
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
yes it was such an incident were you would feel sad for yourself. there were 6 of us in the room. three of us was close to each other, but then what happens? all five of them went and i was not even invited.
I even asked them where they would go that night and they said they still don't have an idea. =( i just do not know if i can really just trust them and don't mind and set aside this incident... but it kinda hurts really when friends who was close with you do this. I remember i was even the one who was with both of them ALL the time. assisted them in projects, cover up for them, like friends would do... be with them when they have had bad experiences with their projects... one almost resigned if i wasn't there to comfort her and tell her not to mind this and that she is bigger than this. and now what? they did not even think of what i was feeling. so much for that friendship. they are all happy they forgot the hard times with me... and just want the good times with the new girl who is by the way also leaving. oh my. i think i really do not deserve them any way.
@marguicha (230351)
• Chile
17 Jan 13
I would ask them what is the matter. Maybe they are unaware that they have changed, maybe there`s bomething that is bothering them about you. But it is better to come up in the open. Now, even when you are with them, you feel alone and left out. 
@WakeUpKitty (8691)
• Netherlands
12 Jan 13
Any idea when exactly they started behaving like this? Never, ever pretend as if you do not care! Take your place, say: so you do plan a send away party WHY did you lie to me as I asked you if? Since this moment is already passed go over there and tell them what you think about them, those so called friends. Show them you are not fine with their stinking behaviour. Don't start any discussions, do not fall for their lame excuses but say what you have/want to say and leave! If you don't do this for you nothing will change. Yes true friends are hard to find but friends do not need to stay forever and it's not said that if you have friends they also are true friends. A friendship has to grow, both have to invest in it and after years you can say that person is a true friend!
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
13 Jan 13
hi kitty, i just know they started being like this when i had a boyfriend (also part of our group of friends). We are friends, that is all i know and that i just try not to think much of it... but now i do i feel sometimes when i am not around they would talk about me, or would be chatting about us.
I just do not get their point in doing this, they sure does make me feel they no longer want to be friends with me anymore.... they go on about, go to lunch and has adopted one more and was just always with him instead of me... now, this. they did not even ask if i want to come. they just pretended they were going nowhere.
Im afraid if i make an issue about this, it just might go out of proportion. I am just not the type to be trying to confront them and ask what their problem is. All i know now is it is pretty clear what they were up to and they probably do not see i can put up with their lifestyle anymore - since i am not the one who always go out with them when they want to have a drink or two.
@ARIES1973 (11944)
• Legaspi, Philippines
12 Jan 13
Hi chiyosan!
You still have friends who will be with you. Besides you still have a big world to explore and you can find real friends along the way.
Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
12 Jan 13
How sad but you will be fine. Just try to distance yourself from this poeple slowly since it looks like they're just pretending to be your friend. When they invite you don't be so excited to accept it, try to take a little pride for what they did.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
thank you so much vernaC. Yes i know i will be fine. I am determined to let them feel though how they treated me... i know myself that i will probably try to give distance and i will not try to see how our friendships will flourish even more... i will always try to think about this incident. I will take heart what you said... sometimes i am just always too soft as a person and might just forgive and accept right away. As you have said, i will take a little pride and not go with them right away... thanks again verna!
@summer0614 (334)
• China
12 Jan 13
Don't be so sad.Sometimes we regard them as our best friends however they are not.That really disappointed us of course.But it means nothing,it doesn't mean that you are not popular ,they just think that you are not mix well with them,you should find the friends who are in the same camp with you.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
12 Jan 13
Hi there summer! I was really disappointed and disheartened. I meant well for them. I meant for them to be with me for a long time, be friends with them share memories and all. But i am deeply hurt (sincerely hurt) about what they did. I know we are all well, have shared somethings as well... Just because my boyfriend is not in so good terms with this woman, they would left me out. i am in good terms with her, we hug and joke with each other too - and we do not put anything against our friendship not even my relationship. But then... there my so called friends just chose to pretend i won't know about their send away party. =( they invited others who are not even close with them, but i wasn't invited. and that's hurting me. They could just tell me not to bring my bf... i would have not gone either, just invite me and i know where i stand and not go... but they chose to leave me out in the dark.
