Love Without Trust

@ckyera (17332)
Philippines
January 16, 2013 5:47am CST
Hi Mylotters! Do you think it is possible for us to stay in love and can still live with our partners happily even if we don't trust them fully? And in case you are the one whose being mistrusted by your partner, what will you do to get his/her trust back? Or will you still stay in such relationship with a broken trust? Have a great day!
6 people like this
29 responses
• Canada
22 Jan 13
I believe that love, trust, and respect go hand in hand, and that a truly harmonious marriage can't exist with all three characteristics from both parties involved. If one of them was lackin, I would not want to be in the marriage.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Jan 13
Yeah I agree with you.I think that for the relationship to be good and strong those things are needed. Yes people can live in the same household and not trust one another but that doesn't mean that the relationship is good. If they work on those things it will make the relationship so much better.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
I think that we can only fully love a person if the trust in 100% as well. If not, then it is either you leave the relationship or suffer in that relationship.
2 people like this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
Hi Jenny! I wish its just that easy to decide on things that's happening in our life. There's just so many factors that are affecting our decision making.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Oh i have been in this situation. I love my ex so much i thought i could forgive what he did to me (ie. cheating). I mean i have forgiven him not being with me because i love him. I have so much hope for our relationship because he is kind, and we get along very well and we lasted almost 4 years! But then all we were able to get through and moved forward with our relationship... but when he cheated.. i thought we can forget everything and move past it... but NO. NEVER gonna happen after all because it only stressed me out thinking where he is, what he is doing, or if he was cheating on me, and so on. it sure was something that you can never really forget. You can forgive but as soon as you never forget or clear your mind about what has happened to your relationship.. it can never be the same.
2 people like this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
Hi Chiyosan! I definitely understand that feeling because my relationship with my husband when we are still bf/gf suffered from that situation as well. I just didn't expect myself to accept him again after the cheating moment. (well we are in a long distance relationship, and we are on our 2nd or 3rd year of relationship when it happens) But because I love him, I guess that's why I am able to forgive, but no matter what, there are still some time that it comes to my mind and I am asking why it happened, its just so difficult to forget. But, still, we end up marrying each other and now in our 9th year or marriage! haha 9 years of ups and downs! Maybe some are just really meant to be, and well I also thanked his patience with all my tantrums whenever the memories of the past are coming back to me...
1 person likes this
@as2006 (5040)
• Israel
17 Jan 13
It's a very difficult situation In my opinion it's not love to have love without trust it's nothing.Real love must be based on trust.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Indeed a difficult situation and giving me a headache thinking if its possible! haha But we cannot know the right answer when we don't experience it ourselves...hehe Because sometimes, our feelings can influence our decisions...
1 person likes this
@sajujohn (1005)
• India
17 Jan 13
In my opinion it's really impossible to love the other when there is no trust between you. It's really difficult to have. As fas I know trust is the base foundation for love therefore you can stay in a relationship without and trust for a few days or for a couple of months but eventually it fades. Trust is the very base thing that every relation should maintain and should hold it.
2 people like this
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
17 Jan 13
I don't think any one will be happy to stay with any person who does not trust him/her even though he/she loves the person. There may be the circumstances where sometime a person may have to stay forcefully
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
16 Jan 13
Very good topic! How difficult it is to love a person whom we cannot trust. In many cases ,people would get blinded by their love for a person and would find it difficult to mistrust a person. But, in the unfortunate event of a person not being trustworthy it becomes a difficult thing. It is easy to say that we should love a person in spite of his/her imperfections but trustworthiness is the fundamental characteristic of all. All other flaws can be overlooked but dishonesty, manipulation are basic things that would be unacceptable as far as this element of trust goes. To sum it up, when there is no trust there cannot be total love. There would always be a lurking suspicion within and this is likely to put us on guard. This may not make us hate a person but ease of transaction is likely to be mitigated. Of course each individual would find a way to maintain one's peace and would start drawing limits and lines and still have love for a person though not total uninhibited love.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
16 Jan 13
I have left out one important thing in my response and comments.If it is a case of infidelity, it becomes almost impossible to trust a person.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi kalav! You know, this topic makes me think more deeply now...haha because I am also asking myself if I can still love someone who broke my trust... look, I have a friend whom I found out talked trash behind my back, like she's telling good things in front of me and then talk bad things about me to other people, and the time I found out about it, of course I also lose my trust for her, and since then, I avoid her and kick her out in my circle of friends... hehe so no trust, no friendship (at least in this case) but, with me and my husband, I think when we are still bf/gf he once broke my trust by being involved with other woman while we are in a long distance relationship, but still, I was able to forgive, and I think the reason for that is because I love him, even if my trust for him slip for that moment, after sometime he was able to gain my trust back... so was I just blinded by love? or what?
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
18 Jan 13
No I would say that it happened because you were at a distance and it was a momentary weakness.Obviously your husband has been faithful to you and he must have confessed that event to you of his own volition.This may have created the trust in you rather than blindfolded love.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
hello amiga, Speaking from my own experience- it's not possible to live under one roof without trust. My ex-hus cheated me _th times and that's the reason why I lost my trust and call it quits. There is no more reason for me to stay in a relationship without trust- because without trust love also fades away. It is everyone's prerogative if they choose to live and stay in a relationship full of doubts and without peace of mind. But for me....it's a big NO. And I never regretted doing so, my life is at peace now and I happy being single (with my kids) Glad to see you back and have a great day
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
Hi Jai! That's also what I am thinking that its not possible anymore, but what if you still love him even a bit? won't you sacrifice the trust for love? I mean because you still love him, can't you give another chance or a chance for him to rebuild your trust? I'm glad Jai, that you made a great decision in your life that brought you happiness and peace of mind...
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
I did give him a chance my dear...for _th times (I can't count anymore) No one wish to have a broken marriage (not even my my nightmare I ever wish) But it has to be done, at least to save some of my self confident and self respect. Sorry is useless after doing the same mistake repeatedly (it's too tiring) And it's foolishness- but I deal with it for many years, until one day I woke up like a stranger in a world that I never wish to live for the rest of my life. Getting out from the vows of love takes a lot of courage, consider the judgmental eyes of the society, but who cares. For a heart who has been broken into pieces, you will learn to stand on your own and dam*d those righteous hypocrite, they will never understand the pain that is killing inside of me.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
I agree with you amiga... that when someone is doing the same things again and again after saying sorry, it become useless and sorry is just a word already. And yes, it make us feel like a fool and even make us a different person from what we used to be. Haiz! Life is really challenging, it brings so many battles for us that we need to win for us to be stronger and happier... I guess your ex just don't deserve a person like you with a good heart...some people just don't deserve to be loved and trusted again...
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hmmm...sounds too personal huh, my dear? Oh well, all I can say is that if your partner really loves you, he'll do anything to make your relationship work out fine and trusting is always part of being in a relationship. Without it, something will not work in good condition...sounds like an appliance...hehehe... no matter what it is, you should always talk things through for you to be able to understand one another... miss you, my friend!
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi Vi! Not really personal sis! It can happen to anyone and I think many have already experienced such situation. Yeah right, communication between the couple is also important and can help a lot. For me as long as there's still love, and willingness to change for the better, the issue of trust can be fixed. But of course if it happens again and again, its time to think twice...because it will fall to foolishness and not love anymore. Miss you too sis!
1 person likes this
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
22 Jan 13
yes, you are right! It can happen to anyone though of course, there are issues in life that is happening to any couple which you also thought of if it happens to you as well. By hearing other views in here we do learn things which helps us think of right thing to do and which is to consider. Trust is really important in every relationship. Love, be careful to hold on to it cause if it lessens or weakens, tendency is to break or fall into pieces which is not good, isn't it? Every problem has its solution. Sometimes people don't know how to solve it that's why there are people who can be of help. In the end, it is still you both who have to solve the problem on your own... don't let pride get in the way... I really miss chatting with you. You know where to contact me dear, okay? Take care my sistah!
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
22 Jan 13
That's why I find Mylot so helpful, because from here, I can get a lot of opinions and ideas from other people. Sometimes I can relate with them and most of the time I learn from all of you here. I agree that trust has a very vital role in any relationship, but there are times that we do things or our partners do things that tends to challenge or even break our trust with them. But as for me, since we love them, we give chance, we even sacrifice and forgive and be able to give our trust back to them again, well of course with efforts from them as well. Yeah, same here, but as for now, I seldom visit the other site... hehe Take care too!
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
16 Jan 13
Hi ckyera In LOVE TRUST is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in my view with out it any relation will be broken in to pieces soon or later .It is very hard to convince once we loose the trust ,I won't stay with such relationship because neither i will be happy nor my partner so better to break up.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi prashu! But what if you are already tied in marriage? You will still break up right away?
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
Hello prashu! Now I got you there! hehe That's true that its so difficult to decide when marriage is already involved and even more difficult if there are already children involved.
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
18 Jan 13
Hi ckyera Now this is a tough question my friend ,hard to answer if i am married then i have to think thrice to break it or not .
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
16 Jan 13
“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none; be able for thine enemy rather in power than use; and keep thy friend under thine own life's key and be checked for silence." William Shakespeare [i] "Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.” [/i] Will there be love if there is no trust? no I don't think so. But if the person loves the other one, then it will be endless trust. so there should be no mistrusted partner. If the partner mistrust the other, then there is no love anymore. what is the point of continuing the relationship. http://en.thinkexist.com/reference/love_trust_quotes/
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
16 Jan 13
Mavic123456The profound Shakespeare!I was unable to understand the meaning of "than use", however.Please explain. Trust and love are not totally interchangeable because when we talk about relationships we are talking about two adults with complex emotions, different interests and motives. When two people share every belief and have same sense of values it becomes easy to be open with each other ; when there are individuals with different leanings there is likely to be mistrust. Even in the case of parents with multiple children we see partiality in them and this gives rise to certain misgivings; but by and large children would still love their parents.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
Hi Mavic! Hmmmmm, but what if the reason for mistrust is because the other one is hiding something to his/her partner and the partner just found out about it...hehe I think the love can still be there, but trust can slip at a moment...but yes, if we love them truly, it can win over mistrust...
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
16 Jan 13
then there still no love. if someone hides something from someone... there is no love... in love one should not keep secret from the other. One can be truthful in mind and actions. From the moment that someone hid something from the partner, the person him/herself is not trusting the other partner. Not trusting that this partner will understand the situation.. not trusting that this partner will accept the fact and the truth. I think there is no love at all.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Jan 13
Hi ckyera. How are you doing? It has been a long time. Isnt it ??? Good to see that you still start discussions .. Hehe. Well if it was me with my girlfriend as my partner then I would definitely clear things out. There will be a rough phase but eventually I think I will forgive her. And if it was me who is being mistrusted then I will just talk to her openly and sort things out. The more you hide the more complicated it gets. Have a nice day ... SuperShames
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
Hello Shames! Hey what's with the new account? hehe That's true...the more you hide the more things get complicated and it also creates more doubt! And also maybe things depend on the weight of the reason of mistrust... Well I guess, forgiving can also come easily depends on the effort given to get it, but forgetting will surely not that easy... well atleast for me. hehe
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi again Shummy! Guess its already your third? hehe Well no matter what, what matters most is that you are still here to stay! In my case, I just don't like to give up this account of mine...I've been working for this account for I guess more or less 2 years? So I may come & go but I will always be using this "ckyera" account!( as long as its not suspended) hehe
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jan 13
Hi ckyera. Well to be honest even I don't know why I made this new account. But when I decided to come back, I was not in a mood to continue with the same account. I wanted to start afresh. So I took a screen shot of the friends I had and deleted that account. But then I thought I will eventually meet everyone. And so we did meet again.. Have a nice day !!!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
I don't think any relationship can survive without trust. Even an inkling of trust MUST be there. It's the root of respect, if not love- and as long as respect exist and the partners wish to stay together it'll survive and recover, GOD willing. However, I can't say specifically what to do to get another person's trust back. Perhaps, if I knew more about the person then I can give something. But it always depends on the person. Base your actions on how you know the person. It is always hard. Trust is the most priceless things between all people- more precious than diamonds maybe.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
Hi tassantos! Trust is indeed one of the key ingredients in a successful relationship. Its so difficult to gain but can easily be broken. But you are right, I think if we still have even a bit of trust to our partner together with love, then maybe it can survive if the couple still wish to stay together...(but it will gonna be a lot of work for fixing) and yes, God can do a lot about it. I think our partner can see how much effort we give and the sincerity within us to gain their trust back ...
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
That's so true! And I have seen a lot of situations like that, but since the couple still love each other, they are able to give their trust back to their partners again. So I think we need to have so much love in our heart for our partner to be able to trust them again...
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Yes, the person who broke would just have to give a lot of patience to it too. Sometimes for some people, no matter how sincere we try to make up for our mistakes, it takes years for things to get back together again.
@Janurmas (642)
• Indonesia
17 Jan 13
Nice discussion you've made Ckyera. I have friends whose I don't trust anymore. There are many times they disappointing me when they didn't pay their promises. It is hard for me to trust them anymore in certain things. I still friends with them, but I don't want to expect more from them.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi Janurmas! Same here! I also have some people around me whom I can't trust fully because I feel like I just can't trust them that much, but I am still civil to them and even hang out sometimes because they are not doing anything wrong to me yet, but there's this one whom I already kicked out in my "friends" because she just betrayed my trust...she's talking good in front of me and yet talking trash behind me.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
haha... I made mistake using the smiley...it should be . hehe
1 person likes this
@leateagee (3667)
• China
17 Jan 13
Hello! I don't think the relationship is still good. Love is alive if there is trust. I can't live with a person I don't trust or who doesn't trust me. I will definitely end it even it's painful. I hav eto accept the fact that my partner is narrow minded and cannot trust me eventhough I have explained evrything already. Trust is one of teh factors that make a rlationship last longer.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi leateagee! Sometimes, no matter how much we explain things to our partners, because of the hurt feelings, it becomes difficult to make them understand. And its also sad, when our partners judged us right away without even trying to listen to us.
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Hi ckyera! That's sad to know that your partner doesn't trust you. It must really be difficult to be in your shoes. For me, trust is still one of the needed foundation for a relationship to work better and be successful. Without trust, that would only lead to unsettled arguments that keep piling up. If there's no trust, your partner might keep questioning your intention/s which may lead to heated arguments if one is not satisfied with the answer. It wouldn't be a healthy relationship anymore. As for gaining back trust, I have some friends whom it worked with their partners. They were able to gain back their partners' trust after going through a tough issue in the relationship. However, I have other friends too who tried gaining back their partner's trust but eventually decided to still end up the relationship because it wasn't working. So I guess when you have to gain back you partner's trust, you have to talk to them and make them understand your intention. It takes two to tango in this situation. If your partner is not willing for you to gain back the trust then it wouldn't work out still.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi junerainemay! Don't be sad for me because I am not talking about myself here, I am talking in general actually... hehe but anyway things like this might really happen in each and every relationship at one time or another...(just an opinion) Yes you are right, it takes two to tango! The relationship still have a chance to survive as long as the couple is willing to fix things up, but it will not happen easily because there's also a lot of feelings and emotions involved to be able to fix the relationship. A lot of hard work, effort and patience is needed...I guess to prove oneself again.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
17 Jan 13
There can not be true love without total trust in my opinion. How on earth can anyone be totally in love with someone if they don't trust them one hundred percent. I know for me if I don't trust you I'm not in love with you. Thankfully I've been in a relationship for the past 24 almost 25 years and we both totally trust each other without a doubt. There is nothing he doesn't tell me and there is nothing I dont' tell him. He actually tells me things I don't even want to know about, that is how much he tells me.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi Lelin! Wow! I like that, when a husband is telling everything to his wife. How I wish my husband would be like that as well! haha You know, my husband is a type who don't talk much and sometimes he feels like there are things that is no longer needed to tell me, but in the end if I found out about it, it ill cause us arguments because I feel like he should have tell it to me instead of me knowing it from other people or from my own effort... haiz! Anyway, I do agree that its difficult to live in a relationship without trust but what if it happens inside marriage? So you mean your love for him no matter ho much you love him before will just be gone?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
Hello Ckyera, I don't think so, even with friendships that come close after years, it won't last with out some degrees of trust. NO offeense but to those who stay in a relationship with out trust you are the one suffeering in the end and fooling yourself to doomed. because there are people who deserve your love and trust. having trust in a relationship is an ultimate testament that their companionship will last.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi Letranknights! Well in friendship I must agree, because I have experienced it already, and on my part, when a friend betrayed me, she/he will never be a friend again. In a relationship, hmmmm, I can't say much because each of us have different experiences and each of us doesn't know what the relationship have gone through to be able to stay with each other. And we also doesn't know how much we love our partners to be able to stay with them.
@grace147 (223)
• Philippines
17 Jan 13
Hi ckyera, trust is earned and once tarnished it will leave an imprint or a mark, not for us to be condemned or someone to condemned but the mark will tell us to grow and learn from it. Any relationship is worthless without trust for it is the basic element for a lasting binding. To earned back trust is a long shut and a hard plowing ahead but if a person is determined to win back the person he or she love and worthy of a second chance then it all paveaway for it takes two to tango and tough times never last but true lovers do.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
Hi grace! I definitely agree with you...
@vivek19 (218)
• India
16 Jan 13
No, not just me but no one would like to continue such a relationship because everyone wants trust which is the foundation of a relationship. One can't live happily in such a relationship.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
18 Jan 13
I guess most people will not really stay in a relationship with the person they don't trust enough or whom doesn't trust them enough. But e can always give a second chance right? that is if we love them enough... But yes, there will come a time that our love can no longer be enough to keep the relationship alive, that is when trust have been broken again and again after the second chance that were given to them.
@ckayth (103)
• Philippines
16 Jan 13
there are two possibilities about this trust issue. if you both are open and willing to build the trust again then i must say give your best shot in building again the broken tower, but hearts were already strain. got hurt. wounded. and trust is just another damn story. if one party is no longer willing to try then just pack your things up and move on. such a cliche. some things just doesn't have remedy after all.
1 person likes this