Sister in law still won't have anything to do with us
By kemak28
@kemak28 (724)
United States
January 19, 2013 1:49pm CST
I've posted things before about my sister in law and the issues we've had with her. She is married to my husband's brother. They live less then a mile away and have a child our age so we had hoped that we would all hang out and the kids could play since they are cousins and both her and I are stay at home mom's. She hasn't been to our house in almost a year. My husband invites his brother over and his wife all the time but they never come over and always say no.
She wrote me a letter about 3 months ago saying that she doesn't expect us to be friends and how she wants to move forward for the sake of the family. In her letter she said we had both said and done hurtful things. I messaged her on facebook asking her what exactly I had done so that I could make sure it wouldn't happen again in the future... her response was she didn't want to talk about it. So I'm left clueless.. but from others I heard she was mad because my husband and I didn't go to her father's memorial party to celebrate his life (he passed away last year). We didn't go because the invite said no kids and we could not find a babysitter for the out of town that night.
It seems ridiculous to me if that is why she is mad. It's been a year now and still she is as cold as ever. And mainly I feel bad for my husband because he never sees his brother anymore. It feels like his brother has become cold towards us too. The four of us used to get together every week for dinner as we live so close. And now that we have kids close in age you'd think we'd be together even more. I'm at a loss at what to do. I've just sort of given up on it.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
19 Jan 13
As I understand you were close once. At a certain point you are not anymore so something must have happend. I can only say that what might be a strange or weird reason to you to be "mad" (I think it's way more hurt), can be a very good reason to others. I also wonder why you feel bad for your husband he is not seeing his brother anymore. I think this brother has a good reason as well. I also don't understand why he is not going over to visit his brother, stand at their front door and see what happens (same with you). BTW I don't see the reason why one should be closer just because you have kids of the same age. Sounds to me they continued with their lives and so did you. Also: facebook is not the place to ask why or what. If this is something so personal or so important to you I wonder why you don't go over and ask how she feels and tell her you are sorry but you really don't know how you hurt her.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jan 13
I'm sorry, I am sure that is hard for you and your husband. Sometimes people get angry with us for the smallest things over some things that we cannot control like you not being able to find a sitter, not your fault. If she would give you the chance to explain it maybe she would be able to get past it. Since she is being childish about it and won't speak like an adult about it there is not much you can do.
If it were me, I would send her a message and let her know the reason you could not go to that party. Let her know you heard somewhere that its the reason she is upset with you... It might not resolve the issue right away, it will probably take time but at least she will know the reason why you didn't go and she will know it wasn't that you just did not care.
Other than doing that, I don't think there is much else you can do. And I think its sad that she is letting this grudge take over so your kids will not be close, and none of you can be close anymore. That is so sad. I'm sorry, I wish I had more advice for you about this.
I just hope she will get over this and be able to let it go...Someday.
1 person likes this
@kemak28 (724)
• United States
19 Jan 13
Thanks for the advice. She actually does know the reason why we couldn't go. She just doesn't believe it I guess. It happened to be my husbands birthday that day of her dad's memorial party and she thinks that I wanted to invite people over to our house and have a party for my husband instead. Little does she know that I actually cancelled our plans and didn't invite over anyone because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She unfortunately is a childish, spoiled brat. Hopefully she will grow up in time.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
20 Jan 13
Yeah, I guess that she was really hurt when you weren't able to come to the memorial service. But did you call her that time and told het thst you cannotmake it?
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
20 Jan 13
I see.... so she just have been inconsiderate of your situation. I hope she sees things through coz she is actually ruining your beautiful relationship, as well the relationship of your husband and her husband.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
20 Jan 13
I think that you should try to do something personal that shows that you are sorry. I can see how in her eyes that was a big thing. That could definitely be the reason why they are upset. Losing a loved one and then not having family members show up is a big deal. But I can also understand not finding a sitter or having to go out of town,etc.
Since this may be the reason you should take more of the steps to make things right. Perhaps send her a gift with caring thoughts and comments about how sorry you are. Or a card,flowers, something. I hope that things will improve between the two of you. I remember your last post when you mentioned this.
@skyandgrassplot (1497)
• China
20 Jan 13
Wow,in your case,I think first of all you should apologize to your sister in law about her father's thing,and explain clearly to her then after a while I think she will forgive you,but if she still get mad at you and do not accept your apology then I think you may be should give up,It doesn't matter because you didn't mean to hurt her,and there are more good neighbour around you and you will find good one from them sooner or later.
@crimsonose80 (283)
• Canada
26 Jan 13
Hi. So sorry to hear that you're in this kind of predicament. It's especially when you guys used to be close with each other-now you're pondering what really happened there.
You really tried your best in letting her know your reason for not being there for her dad's memorial party-sometimes we can't always please everyone. The only thing you can do is to keep reaching out to her. Let her know how much you miss her and her company and hope that there is a way to bridge the gap between you two. YOu did the right thing cancelling your husband's party that day. It shows that you really respect her.
It's hard when Adults hold grudges here. I understand for her being a little upset because you couldn't attend to her dad's memorial. She can't really expect you to drop everything at once-besides you can't really control the fact that you can't control everything that happens around you. Does she? I hope one day she realizes that life is too short to be mad for that long.
Let me know how it goes..Take care always.
Vanessa.
