Do You Get Tired Of Being The Listener?

Australia
January 24, 2013 9:41am CST
I always like to help people and lend an ear when someone needs to talk but after awhile, I get really tired. I do tell people that I just can't even concentrate with their problems let alone mine right now and they get offended and think I don't care. How can people get offended and say something like that after listening and helping them out so much? Does that make them selfish or maybe they don't like being told that they need someone different to talk to other than me? I know what it is like to want to talk to people and not having anyone but I also know what it is like to bottle my own problems in and not being able to have the strength or time to deal with other people's problems. Do you get a bit tired listening to people all the time or do you feel you can always deal with listening to people no matter how you feel? Happy MyLotting. ~AussieGal~
3 people like this
19 responses
@CarraC (69)
• Canada
24 Jan 13
Geeeeeezzzz!!! Trust me, I get tired.....because most times they don't even take the advice you give them, then come back crying about the same situation over and over. But you know that sad thing about it, we just can't stop listening because we have already gotten in too deep. Until they fins someone else to tell their story from start, then I guess all we could do is........................sit and listen...sadly
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Feb 13
Hello CarraC! This happens to me a lot! It gets very annoying! It is up to them whether or not they take the advice but if they keep doing the same thing over and over then they could at least try taking the advice and doing something different and maybe things would work out! Thank you very much for answering! :)
@airasheila (5454)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
Good day AussieGal13, With reference to your query, I never been tired to do the role of being a listener to my friends though there are times that I need to pause for a while. And I guess, this is just a usual thing to do for a person to be recharge again with positive energy. Hence, being a listener will make you exhausted, not physically but your inner being since you are somehow absorbing some negative thoughts if there is a problem being discussed to you. In either way, if you are listening to some happy thoughts, then, it will also make you exhausted, since you are somehow get excited from the story that you are hearing. So in either way, you need to be recharge again by taking a pause for a while.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello airasheila! I know what you sre saying and that's the thing. I am not exaggerating but every day there is something I have to deal with and I'm finding it more and more hard to concentrate on helping others. I really want to listen and help but I'm physcially and mentally exhausted. I need a HUGE pause to recharge haha Thank you very much for answering! :)
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
25 Jan 13
I am tired of listening the problems of my friends. No other person they trust to tell their problems and secrets. I am better known Councillor to them. If they cannot reach me personally they are calling me even late at night. That's my task to this world and I am lucky that many people trust me. I don't want to destroy their trust to me.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
9 Feb 13
Imagine one time, I forgot my phone in the living room, when I woke up I tried to find my phone. When I checked, I got 20 missed calls. New number appeared. I asked the caller through SMS, he was my old close friend as help to stay awhile in my house. They have misunderstanding with his wife. My Goodness! I can't believe. Well, because he is my closed friend, I comfort him and told that it's okay to stay for while.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello julyteen! That sucks! Seriously! Calling you up late at night, I hope it was a problem worth it enough to bother you at such a time. Although you like being there for your friends, I hope you talk when you need to talk and have people there for you when you need them. Hope they also don't take you for granted and appreciate you. Thank you very much for answering! :)
• Australia
5 Mar 13
That was very nice of you to let your friend stay with you while he was going through a difficult time. :) Very kind of you. I hope that your friend and his wife have sorted out their probelms and all is well there.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
24 Jan 13
I like listening, and most of the time I don't really expect anything back. But I can get fed up, when I need some reassurance, and I want a shoulder to cry on, some of the people don't even listen to me or start changing the subjects. Well, some of us humans are really selfish. But I have some really good friends who wouldn't act like that, fortunately.
• United States
24 Jan 13
Yes you're right CarraC. Some just have a knack for listening, others will take advantage of this as most every talent someoen has will be unless we're careful.
• Australia
26 Feb 13
Hello doroffee! I know exactly what you mean right there! I like to listen and I don't want anything back except knowing that they are ok and if I have helped in any way. And like you, I want someone to talk to but most people I know change the subject about them or just change it totally or don't really pay any attention so this is why I usually keep to myself. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
@CarraC (69)
• Canada
24 Jan 13
I know that feeling oh so well......I guess that's just the way the life is....some of us are just better listeners than some others will EVER be.
@echoforever (5180)
• United States
24 Jan 13
We as listeners will always encounter this. I don't know why someone who we have helped will suddenly feel we aren't, any more. All we can do is listen, when we feel we can. If our minds are too consumed anyway our listening does no good because we can't offer our response as help. It will just lend them more to deal with because our response isn't top notch.
• United States
2 Mar 13
If we're having a hard time its best to walk away for a time and give our best later when we feel we can give that much effort. Even if the person seems upset by it, try to explain.
• Australia
5 Mar 13
Yeah I get what you mean. That's good advice too. :)
• Australia
25 Feb 13
Hello echoforever! That has been happening a lot with me lately! I do try my very best to listen but my head since to be clogged up or something and it's not like I am easily distracted or I don't care but my mind is very occupied with my own problems for I don't really talk them out much and since a lot of people talk to me, I'm finding it more and more hard to really give me 100% concentration on the person talking to me find it hard to give advice. I used to be really good at giving advice but nowadays, I can't think of anything let alone paying full attention. I feel so bad about it but I can't really help it but I do try. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
25 Jan 13
I am a good listener to good things only. However, I am unable to be a good listener to people who go on and on about nonsenses all the time. Some people talk just because they feel like it and think that some us are forced to listen to what they have to say even if what they are saying is not at all interesting. I am also not selfish, but sometimes certain people force you to be because of the way they do things.
@babyeve (1048)
• Seychelles
8 Feb 13
Some of them call me selfish, but I just ignore them because I know exactly what I feel. In life there is a time for everything and we cannot always do what others expect us to do even if it does not do us any good at all. Have a nice day!!!
• Australia
5 Mar 13
That's great that you ignore them because you know the truth. You are not selfish at all and it makes me mad that people can call you that! Thank you, you have a nice day also!
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello babyeve! Yeah I know exactly what you are talking about and I hope no one calls you selfish. Just I understand what you are saying. I don't like when people talk nonsense like that. Thank you very much for answering! :)
@AidanKay (265)
• Australia
9 Apr 13
Hey, I have known some people to always have something wrong with them and even though I like helping people out, it got a bit tiring to see them but always have to talk things out. It was a mood killer. It's hard to say that you can't talk right now because some people take offense to that.
• Australia
9 Apr 13
Hello AidanKay! Yeah I know what you mean. Some friends I have, I think we are going to go out and have fun but the same problems come up and it ruins a good night. That wasn't meant to sound mean it just bugs me when I have said he same things over and over and they never take the advice. Even though they ask me for advice. Thank you very much for answering. :)
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
25 Jan 13
i never get tired of being the listener. it is how we learn he most about other people. it shows our compassion and understaningd our oncern for the feelings of others.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello sender621! I do agree with you there but I also know it can be very difficult always being the one people come to. I care about people a lot and always like to help but like most people, I seem to forget or just be too selfless to put myself first and think about me first. Thank you very much for answering! :)
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
I do not have problems listening to people who may want to open up with their problems with me. I am very much willing to give a helping hand to a friend.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello jenny1015! That is very kind of you. :) I am the same but it can be too hard to do it all the time for I have my own things to deal with. I wish I could be more strong like you to never have a problem with listening to people. Sometimes gets too much for me to deal with. Thank you very much for answering! :)
• Dhaka, Bangladesh
25 Jan 13
It depends on the personality of speaker and subject of speaker, how he/she is delivering. I also depends how much pain he/she has taken to deliver the speech or power point presentation. Have a nice day.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello aminul! Yeah I know. Like someone I know who wants to talk all the time about her problems can be very rude and insulting with how she says it so I find it hard to talk to her. Thank you very much for answering! :)
@tshihmin2 (186)
• Malaysia
25 Jan 13
Yes, being a listener can be very tiresome. The people with the problems will pour out their feeling and can talk for hours. Then, there we are just sitting there throughout the hours listening to the person problems until aching. But, let's look on the positive side. You are actually doing a good deed by helping the person to feel relieve. The person needs someone to be a listener and that's all.
• Australia
25 Feb 13
Hello tshihmin2! Yeah I understand what you mean and I do like being a good friend by listening but like you said it can be very tiresome. After a little break, I would love to listen again but if it is listening every single day for about 3 hours ( which has happened a lot ) I get very tired and stressed out. Thank you very much for answering. :)
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
25 Jan 13
There is such a term called compassion fatigue, it happens when you empathize with people a lot and their problems are affecting you and are having negative effects on you as well. It is the result of listening to too many of other peoples problems and you involve yourself and you feel for them too. When this happens, you tend to not care as much, it's not because you're a bad person but because caring pretty much becomes "exhausting". I think you need to vent out your feelings as well. We're not perfect, we get bad days as well, were just human and we need to be listened to as much as other people need to talk. It wasn't fair that your friend assumed that you didn't care, otherwise if you really didn't care, you wouldn't be with her in the first place. Give it time, mylot is a good start. :)
• Australia
25 Feb 13
Hello Nursefrai06! I have never heard of compassion fatigue before and I guess I have learned something for today haha but yes I see what you mean and I agree with you. I know I don't understand how someone can say I don't care when ( and like you said ) I was with them in the first place. I really don't understand that at all. Thank you so very much for answering. :)
@sneha12 (46)
• Nepal
25 Jan 13
It is really terrible to hear someone's problems and suggesting and suggesting.It is intolerable thing one can do. i am also a good listener. Friends always tell their problems to me but same time i too have lots of tensions, pain inside me. But to share with them i don't feel comfortable. Only i can do is suggest. sometime i feel just end all the things and run from the place.
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello sneha12! awww you poor thing. It's just I know exactly what you mean and I swear I am at the stage of really trying to find a job and make as much money as I can so I can run away for awhile. I am always the person come too and I rarely speak about my own problems. Not because I want to hide them, it's because I feel like no one is really listening or helping. Most people I know say they know what I am going through when they clearly haven't or they turn the conversation onto them and their problems. I really wish and hope you can get away for awhile and just relax. Thank you very much for answering! :)
• Singapore
26 Jan 13
Hi AussieGal13, I always enjoyed listening, I've never got tired of being the listener. I'm not sure why, but it brings me joy and the satisfaction of being able to hear someone's rant, and at the end of the day, making them feel better as they poured their hearts out, problems, difficulties, what ever obstacles or troubles etc. I have my own problems as well, in fact lot, however I don't really share much with others. I keep them to myself, but at least with all these problems and troubles that I have, I'll be able to put myself in the shoes of others. In a way, it helps to keep me going, as I know I'm not the only one with problems. And I might find some answers to my own problems along the way. If you need to rant, I wouldn't mind listening. ;)
• Australia
7 Feb 13
Hello SpicyTapioca! awww you sound like a really nice person and I know what you are saying. I am the same and I do care but gets too much for me sometimes. I know what you are saying there. I don't really share my problems with people. It's not that I don't want to but I feel guilty putting my problems onto others even when I really need it. I feel horrible when I can't concentrate and try to help others with their problems. You really sound like a top person. Very kind and helpful. haha thank you very much. Thank you heaps for answering too! :)
@MGjhaud (23069)
• Philippines
24 Jan 13
it is tiring sometimes. Im more of a listener type in fact but i love hearing stories -- good ones, not problems. I give people a chance to vent their problems on me but i dont like listening to it most of the times. Whenever i feel sad or problematic, i also let people listen to me whenever i can no longer keep it to myself. I just let them listen and i dont take responses -- then i feel ok after i let it all out. Its nice when u let it out sometimes but dont bombard other people with problems.
• Australia
20 Feb 13
Hello MGjhaud! Yeah I agree. I do like helping people and trying to give advice but sometimes people just want to vent and all they want is for someone to lend an ear not really caring whether they get advice or not. Thank you so much for answering. :)
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
24 Jan 13
For the most part I have to say that I've never had an issue with being a listener as opposed to being a talker. There are some times that it does get tedious because the person is always rehashing the same things and they are never there for you when you need them to be able to talk to them. That said, I do find that there are times that it is very valuable to be the listener because you are able to learn far more by listening than you are ever able to learn by being the talker.
• Australia
8 Feb 13
Hello dorannmwin! I completely agree with you there. I do listen a lot. I listen more then I do talking. So I must be super smart haha joking nah seriously I hardly talk my problems out because just like you said, some people aren't really there when I want someone to talk to. Thank you very much for answering! :)
@Raine38 (12258)
• United States
24 Jan 13
I know how you feel. I try my best to be that good friend and I listen to their troubles when they really need someone to be there for them. But I also get problems of my own. I do not exactly expect the to return the same courtesy, I mean if they will then I will be so thankful. But just like you, I've had those that gets mad at me for even having a problem myself. It's just not fair.
• Australia
25 Feb 13
Hello Raine38! That sucks! I'm sorry your friends get mad at you when you are having one of those days where you just can't handle other people's problems. It is a bit selfish of them for not understanding and act like someone should always be there when they want someone to talk to but get mad when they can't. Try your best to find someone to talk your problems out. Otherwise it will just build up with everyone else's problems too. Thank you so very much for answering! :)
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
24 Jan 13
Sometimes I get tired of listening specially with the dramas. I just couldn't stop myself from helping my friends, most of the time it's the only way I could support them even if sometimes it's too much because the problem is just the same again and again but they wouldn't listen to some good advices.
• Australia
20 Feb 13
Hello vernaC! Yeah I know. As much as you want to help your friends, it can get very annoying and tiring listening to the same problems over and over again and saying the same advice over and over again and them not listening to it. But sometimes even listening can be the best thing to do even if you don't have any advice. Thank you very much for answering. :)
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
24 Jan 13
I was attending an art/crafts class. The teacher is a very good artist but she also has personal problems. There are not very many people who attend her class and now, I know why. She just wants to share with others all her personal problems. I listened and listened but there came a point that I just couldn't attend her classes, just to listen to her problems. So, I figured out a way to 'bow out graciously' which is I told her that I now have a part-time job (which is true) and that although this part-time home business has flexible hours, I will be too busy to attend her classes on a regular basis. So, we agreed that I would come when I can, even if it just for one hour or once a month. I still want to be friends with her but not to have to listen to her problems so much. So, sometimes it helps to figure how a way to politely and kindly 'exit' - the saying is: 'bowing out graciously' and I think that is just as important as listening. Knowing when it is OK to not listen because you don't want that person to stay in the same mental state of always sharing their problems. And you can only cope with so much from other people's problems. I have enough, just to cope with my own problems. So, it is OK to not always be listening, because most times, people aren't willing to improve. But, I can improve myself.
• Australia
21 Feb 13
Hello ZoeJoy! I really liked your answer. Very truthful stuff and I do agree with you. I think it is fair enough that you couldn't handle going to those classes anymore if it meant for you to listen to someone else's problems over and over again. I really hope she does improve for her own sake but yeah you should take care of the most important person which is you! I have my own problems too and well who hasn't got problems but some people can help others whereas other people just need a break from it every now and then. Thank you very much for answering. :)