He strikes again...and, I'm really pissed with the word "family", now.
By jureathome
@jureathome (5361)
Philippines
February 8, 2013 1:13am CST
For those who've read my previous posts about this guy who's supposed to be my brother, well, he's not changed at all, and is even getting worse. So, the last issue was about him getting involved with an older woman who is sort of manipulative and scandalous. The other week, I got a message from my sister that our brother is detained in the police station because the woman complained about him hurting her physically. And, I wasn't really surprised that it would come to that. We have been warning him about that situation and just to avoid the woman, who according to him, has been threatening and blackmailing him. He's really hard headed and for a 29 year old guy, he should be up on his feet and living a decent life. But, no, he is still very dependent on anyone whom he thinks he can take advantage of. Apparently, he can't just get out of the relationship because he clings on this woman for financial aid, when he runs out of money. I really hate to hear that, considering he's single and no one to feed, how could he just spend all his salary and not have anything left till the next pay day.
This guy is just too much of a burden, especially for our parents. Sometimes, I'd wish, he never became my brother.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
8 Feb 13
There's always a black sheep in the family. While other family members are working hard for their family to live better and help the parents, there's always one who bring those dreams down. It maybe hard but you should stop helping him, let him help himslef first, let him realize his responsibility as a person maybe in this way he will change.
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
That's really a sad truth. Black sheeps hinder prosperity and happiness in the family. I really don't know how I can help him better so he would change, but I think he also has to want to improve himself. Otherwise, all the help he's getting will just fall into wasteland.
@allknowing (130066)
• India
8 Feb 13
Sometimes I feel we overdo with blood relations. Gone are the days when we had only blood relations to count on for our emotional support. That is history now. Just as we rely on society for our emotional support similarly we can disown those family members who are a burden on us specially when we have nothing to do with the condition they are in. So please do not bother and just move on with your life.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
Have you done something similar to a family member? Disowning is very heavy to even think about. I am very frustrated and disappointed with him, yes, but I feel like it's a big sin against the word of God to disown a family member. Whenever I think of such, I feel like it such an evil thing to do. I hope it's that easy, though.
@allknowing (130066)
• India
9 Feb 13
Yes we did it to our youngest brother and the moment he realised that he would have to be on his own he changed and today he is independent earning well and is back in our life. We need to do that. It is this reliance on you that he goes about doing what he does.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
Oh, good for you. I think my brother's problem involves psychological help, too. It's not just about being irresponsible and dependent, but he has a lot of hatred in his heart and is also very paranoid.
@triplejazzm51 (1373)
• Philippines
8 Feb 13
I think you have to teach him a lesson by not helping him out anymore. Some people, take advantage of the kindness of their family that they cannot stand on their own. Maybe he was spoiled when he was still a child and not trained on handling small responsibilities that is why now that his older he still depends on other people. He would not learn how to live unless he is left alone.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
We've actually tried letting him live on his own for a year, and he stopped communicating with us, too. So, we really thought that finally he has learned to stand up on his own feet. However, little did we know that he was just messing up with his life getting involved in different relationships like a parasite to his partners. Now, that he is in bad terms with his recent girlfriend, and his friends has turned their back against them, he is back on our doors knocking for help. The bad thing is, when we were willing to help, he isn't open to our advices and would even raise his voice on us when he doesn't like what we are telling him. He hates it when he hears us honestly telling him that it was his mistake and should just learn from it instead of making more problems. He wants everyone to agree with him, even if he is totally wrong. I think I hate him already, but I can't totally abandon him, because he is still my brother -- and I hate that part, too.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Feb 13
It is hard for him to change most especially if he has been raised to be having everything he wants in a snap. And what could be the best way to have instant access to money is through some wealthy woman. But that should not be a valid reason for him to be this way until he gets old. he needs to learn that everything in this world can only be achieved through hard work.
I hope he changes his mind about the woman he is with and of course, his way of life as well.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
I can see my mother in law from the description you have provided. And that is also what pisses me off when I see my mother in law treat my kids unfairly in favor of one of her grandchildren who is the son of my youngest brother in law. Even if this kid has been the "black sheep" among the cousins, my mother in law would always tolerate his whims and qualms.
The latest that this kid did was failing some of his subjects. And there are other things that I have just know that they are not aware about. And I would just like the parents of the kid to deal with it themselves.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
We weren't really well off, and we didn't grow up with a silver spoon in our mouth. However, my mother has always seen a weakness in my brother and so, she gives him special treatment. To me it was rather obvious, but she wouldn't admit it. Partly, I blame my mother for being so soft about him. She should accept that he is a grown up man and that what she's doing protecting him all the time is not helping him.
It's hard to argue with a mother about their emotions towards their child -- especially to a troubled son.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
I don't understand why mothers do that. Maybe, at this point, I can't see it from their eyes yet, because my kids are still very small to even make a mess of their lives. My mother once told me, I would not understand how she feels, at this time, because I'm not on her shoes.
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 13
If he is my brother, I will ignoring him till he change his attitude. so Unacceptable for me if a man have to live and survive by taking advantage from a woman, so shame. Thank God my brothers never have scandal like that. I don't know what to say about your brother, but if I were you I will not accept him before he do change his life.
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
9 Feb 13
well we can choose our friends we can choose our our lovers we can choose the professor in school we can choose what dress to whom we wish to speak with, we can choose our date, we can choose our neighbors, we can choose the person to trust we can just choose everything.... BUT we can never choose our family. sad to tqke no matter how pain in the as$ this person is, we have no choice. so while we have no choice we can just love them because they are part of the family. we can understand them. argh how difficult. NO i have used the wrong word here not can but MUST
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
9 Feb 13
You seem to be the martyr kind - true to your family and always there when they need you. I'm afraid I'm not the type who'd jump in to the heroine role all the time, unless it's really needed and worth it. I don't know if I'm wrong about this, but I also don't feel right about helping a fully grown man to his feet, all the time.
@Mavic123456 (21898)
• Thailand
9 Feb 13
I am the youngest in the family.. and no I am not a martyr type one. it is just that, I don't find it necessary to be angry over and over and over again on some matters that keep on repeating. I am tired of fighting over to some issues at work... I can fight with them as hard as I can because i can always leave them.... but family? argh! I can not just leave them because of this.. neither can ask someone to pack things and leave the house. It will worry the whole family all the more if a person in the house leave with heavy heart and regret.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
20 Feb 13
Wow!! This is not a good situation, and I can understand why you are feeling upset. I wonder if he really did all these things, or this woman is saying this just because she is tired of being used. Personally though this is not a Good way to be, and many times even raised in good homes there are some who turn out like this, but people need to quit allowing him to be like this, and helping him out first in order for him to want to change. Sounds like he needs some help, and grow up. When people insist he learn to do things on his own, and ignore his whims more maybe then he will change?
@inopiratum_a_medio12 (877)
•
8 Feb 13
that's one of the saddest things I've heard for clinging to someone just for materials things that doesn't make a good cause at all. Relationship matters in times of indispensable moments.
