My Girlfriend doesn't like my Best Friend
By Christoph56
@Christoph56 (1504)
Canada
February 12, 2013 4:32pm CST
And there is a big problem with it... my best friend is an ex girlfriend of mine.
You see, I met my best friend about 5 years ago, online, through a dating site. We dated for a couple months, but even after just a month, things did not work between us. We would have fun together, but with the serious parts of a relationship, everything just crumbled. It was horrible, and we both felt that way. We broke up with eachother after those 3 months, then didn't talk to eachother again for over a year. After that year, we met up again, and we knew that relationship things just wouldn't work, but we laugh a bunch and like hanging out together, so we became friends, and after a while, we'd get coffee or go to meals and things a couple times a week, or chat on the phone like friends do, and we just haven't been interested in eachother in any other way, at all.
Now, I'm in the early parts of a relationship with this amazing girl. I've been completely nuts about her, and we've been together for about 2 months so far. When we first met, I told her that my best friend is an ex of mine. She wasn't big on it, but didn't talk much about it. The three of us met up together after I was dating this wonderful woman for about a month, but it wasn't until later on, that it came up again that me and my friend had been in a relationship in the past. She didn't really remember that this was the girl that I had a relationship with, way back when, so when she found out thats how it was, she was not happy about it.
Now I have my great girlfriend, and my best friend. The friend really likes my girlfriend, and is really happy for me that I found a girl that I'm so crazy for... but my girlfriend just isn't comfortable with me being such good friends with an ex of mine. I can understand, it's an odd kind of thing, but I really never want any kind of relationship with that friend of mine, but we talk a lot and have lots of fun together.
So what should I do? I don't want anything bad to happen with my girlfriend, and I don't want to loose my best friend, either. Is there any kind of way I can keep both around?
2 people like this
14 responses
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
9 Mar 13
it is just matter of time once they are in thick of things and spend time as a group,the indifference would get settled and you would love it
1 person likes this
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
9 Mar 13
You are in trouble... good luck. 
This will take time. Just let your girlfriend feel secure that it is only her that you are interested in. You might need to distance yourself a little from your best friend too. You have to sacrifice a little bit for the relationship to work.
This will take time. Just let your girlfriend feel secure that it is only her that you are interested in. You might need to distance yourself a little from your best friend too. You have to sacrifice a little bit for the relationship to work. 1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Feb 13
You only dated that girl for 3 months and that is it so clearly it did not get too serious. This new girl may be amazing but you have honestly only been dating for a couple of months. Amazing can turn ugly really quickly. While I do understand her discomfort to a point, I also think that she has no right to dictate who and who you are not friends with. Out of respect for your girlfriend, I would not give her cause to worry. I would not go out to eat alone with her and I would limit the phone calls between us. I would NOT exclude her from my life. She is your best friend and that would just be wrong. Your new girl, if she is as wonderful as you say, will understand and who knows...may even come to like the girl.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
12 Feb 13
I started to worry about something happening between that best friend and mine after the movie, "When Harry Met Sally". I was so for it in the middle of the movie when the two were just friends and nothing more, seeing that it can really work out like that, but then, later on, when they got together and got happily married for life, it just freaked me out. I really see that friend of mine like a sister, I'm not attracted to her at all, and there are bunches of things that she does that I would not want in a girlfriend.
I think you have some really good points. I've been limiting things with my friend a bit already, and I'm going to keep that up until I know the two can be more comfortable with the whole thing. My girlfriend has been very understanding, and has told me that she doesn't want to be limiting anything and she trusts me. I'm just going to hope that it has a good outcome in the long rung.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
I'm not going to just pick one or the other. I'm not going to be pushing them together, but I want them to accept eachother, because they know I care for the both of them.
Why would I just dump one of them? I'd rather work with the problems rather then just toss them out.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
13 Feb 13
There can be really a struggle to save a friendship when a partner does not feel comfortable being around an ex lover of his/her partner. And I guess, it's because they do not want to think that there could still be an attraction between the two of you even if there really isn't.
If tables were turned, how would you feel? I mean, would you feel fine being around an ex lover of your girl even if she has told you that they were in a relationship gazillion years ago? Will you be comfortable with that? Won't you ever be thinking of them to be still having the attraction?
But of course, now that you are in that situation and you are coming clean with it, just re- assure your girlfriend that what you and your ex had before was just a brief attraction and you just learned that you were better off as friends. Meanwhile, just mellow down on meeting up with your friend. Just tell her to understand your situation.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
Thanks for your advice, and I actually found out that it is going that way. My girlfriend does have a good friend that she was in a relationship with for an extremely short time back in the day. She's been keeping away from him all together, because guys generally don't like their girlfriends to be with their ex's... personally though, it doesn't bother me. Me and my girl are really crazy for eachother, so I don't feel like a guy who things didn't work with, even back when they were together, is any kind of threat between me and my girlfriend.
And I'm holding back on seeing my friend too often. Hopefully over time everything will quiet down, I'll just have to be hoping for that...
@andrewbarclave (485)
• Ireland
12 Feb 13
This is always a tricky situation but first things first, don't expect them to become friends. They may hate each other but at the end of the day the best you can hope for in that situation is that they except each other and the fact you are close to both. It does make it even more tricky that they are both girls and I hope for your sake neither make you choose, just be careful with it and don't push it to get them all friendly.
I'm not sure if this will help but hopefully it does.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
12 Feb 13
It does help, you're right, I'm not expecting them to become friends, or push either of them to hang out with eachother. I'm just going to take it easy with the whole thing and really hope that it works out...
Plus, I really hope that they don't make me choose, because I like them both, just in very different ways. I'm going to keep to your advice and just see how everything goes.
@andrewbarclave (485)
• Ireland
12 Feb 13
Yeah I have had this situation a couple of times, luckily I didn't have to choose. I do really hope it all works out okay but gf will be naturally jealous.
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
Is it possible that your girlfriend will get used to it? I mean, not to force a situation, but can she adjust?
Because there are a couple of my husband's friends that I never really liked, and I just sort of put up with his friendship with them. So it's possible to do...the fact that you dated her is a bit of an issue, I have to say.
Maybe give it some time and don't try to force it. I'd be very honest, though, and tell your girlfriend if you are going to see your best friend, and invite her to join you two if possible.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
13 Feb 13
Oh boy! that is such a tricky situation. I mean why choose to be friends with your ex, and now you treat her as your bestfriend?! I am really wondering is it really possible that a guy and a girl can only be friends? wooohhooo I have never met a guy (seriouslY) that has a girl for a bestfriend, and let alone that bestfriend is an EX. Used to think that most guys would need guys to hang out with, girls and boys are just too opposite of each other. :P
Anyway, if i was in your situation, I will not blame my girlfriend. that can make her feel very insecure. especially if (please try to be honest and assess yourself on this) you have somehow often mention this girl to your girlfriend. there is always this silent battle amongst us girls, you know... let alone an ex. I'd say you need to make her feel her importance and if your so called girl best friend understands... she would probably have to try and distance herself and NOT spend as much time with you anymore.
Yes we know that is in the past but believe me that is part of you and that probably troubles your girl. I won't be ahypocrite and say past is past when it comes to my man and his ex. There will always be that ounce of worry on my part. SO you just have to probably assure her, let her know what your plan is, sit down and talk to her, get her side, and let her understand yours as well. I always believed that an open communication would help but still... you have got to make a decision here.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
It's kinda funny with me and my best friend, because I'm the man, but I'm the more caring one, while she's the more tough one. She makes extra crude and extreme kind of jokes, which are not usual for a woman, but they make me laugh in bunches.
I do worry about the silent battle between girls... guys have a bit of the same thing, only we're more easy going about it. We're like animals in the wild... we want to be the alpha male of the flock, and if we both want a girl then we will fight it out, and the looser will walk away. When two guys meet up around a girl, they'll size eachother up, and try to be seen as bigger and better. I've even lost guy friends because of girls that we're both interested in, and when the girl picks the other guy, the weaker guy is the looser, and walks away.
For the decision, Im putting my girlfriend over my best friend, but I'm not going to just get rid of my best friend. I'm going to keep talking with my girlfriend about the whole thing, and be open and honest with her. I don't want to have any kind of lies between us.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
17 Mar 13
I think most probably some girlfriends does not like their partner's best friend. I do not know what the reason. I think most probably there might be some reason for it and most probably talking and communication will help to make it better. 
@redredrose (1105)
• United States
12 Feb 13
Just let your girlfriend know that there is nothing serious going on between you and your best friend. I wouldn't do too much alone with the best friend but still be her friend. If your girlfriend can't see that your not serious with the best friend and not cheating on your girlfriend then you don't need the girlfriend. Also if your girlfriend is going to tell you who you can and cant be friends with then you don't need her as a girlfriend because you don't need people to say who you can and can't be friends with. I think tho that if you are honest with your girlfriend about the best friend the girlfriend will love you stay with you and not have anything to worry about.
@Christoph56 (1504)
• Canada
13 Feb 13
I agree with you, a girlfriend shouldn't be telling her man who he can and can't be friends with, that's just wrong... but with this, I'm going to work harder on fixing the situation more then tossing away the girlfriend. I've gotten quite nutty about her, more then I ever have before, and I really want to keep her around. I sure hope this all works out!
@cttolledo (5460)
• Legaspi, Philippines
13 Feb 13
If I were your girlfriend I would feel the same way.. It is very normal to a girl to get jealous with a best friend because of time and attention and more so that your girlfriend is ex girlfriend.. that's terrible.
For me, If your relationship with your girlfriend is top priority as to this point of your life or if you really love your girl friend, you should respect what she feel or felt about your ex ( best friend).
You must talk to your bestfriend .. she has the right to know.. and eventually she must understand and respect your girlfriend's feelings, hence she must limit or give way a bit distance from you.
A best friend is always there when you need to cuddle you when your down but doesn't mean being with always.
@heleighna (102)
• Philippines
14 Feb 13
If only your girlfriend knows how amazing she is in your eyes? I feel that while reading this. Your girlfriend needs more time to understand this situation you two are in. Being jealous is normal especially to us girls, to the fact that your best friend was an ex of yours? Other may not find it a big deal,but unfortunately to some girls it is really a big one. But it would be really unfair to loose a best friend just because your girlfriend is jealous with her right? And there's nothing to be jealous of.
Just give her time, maybe a further background of your relation with your best friend would be helpful for her to understand that its just plain Friendship.. Make your girlfriend feel too that she is also a friend to you.. laugh with her.. have good talks, funny talks with her.. Make her feel that she's the most special girl in the world..
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
13 Feb 13
well you can make your girlfriend understand about the relationship of you and that best friend. Maybe she is jealous just as this is nature of ladies and so better to make her understand that she is the only one you love her and she is just a very best friend.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
13 Feb 13
no woman wants the ex in the life or for that matter any woman the same goes for us men we dont want men men in are ladys face it just the way we are in this culture
