Is it okay to be dating or having a relationship with your co-worker?

@laydee (12809)
Philippines
February 15, 2013 8:20am CST
I came about a topic in lifehacker where the author was asking whether or not it's okay to be dating (or having a relationship) with someone you work with. Though generally, I think it would be okay, however, concerns about being bored in the long-run comes to mind easily. I mean, you're together in one spot and one job and there's bound to be a "routine". Soon, you wouldn't really have much to talk about because you've already heard the joke or topic whilst you were at work. However, it would be great too when your partner would understand the stress you're in for the day and would gladly just let you be. What do you think? Have you ever tried dating or having a relationship with someone in your workplace? How did it go? Would you recommend people try it? hehe.. Thanks in advance for the responses. Have a great mylot experience ahead!!
4 people like this
25 responses
@cerebellum (3869)
• United States
17 Feb 13
There are some advantages to having a relationship with someone at work. You would know the same people and know what the job is like etc. However, I married my boss. I now know that was a bad idea. If you break up, you have to see each other all the time unless someone gets another job. In my case, we got divorced and I moved about an hour away. I could have stayed in the area, but I would have gotten another job. I opted to come back to my hometown.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
Whoah! You married your boss? hehehe.. That's beyong employee-employee relationship there. Sad that it didn't work out well. Did you get another job before you were divorced or after? Anyhow, I hope for the best for you. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Feb 13
I didn't get another job until I had been home for awhile. I thought about going back to the company we both worked for, after all he was in a different city, but everyone there knew him and I thought that would be awkward.
@911Ricki (13590)
• Canada
15 Feb 13
Once upon a time I did this with a coworker, we worked on nights together. Not a very good idea, I regret it. Although it turned ugly, and he was crazy to say the least. I learnt my lesson. We spent every minute together, whether it be at work, and in the end he was sufficating me, he needed to know every move, if I ignored his calls he would either show up, accuse me of cheating on him.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Hmmm.. Do you think the relationship would have worked if you both weren't working together? Or was it doomed to the end to begin with? hehe.. He sounds psychotic, but I guess that's what infatuation (or love) can do. Hehehe.. How did it end? I mean, did you leave? or did he leave the job? Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@911Ricki (13590)
• Canada
20 Feb 13
I honestly don't know, I think it may have had lasted long than it did. But eventually fall apart because of his issues. I think because we were dating, and would see each other outside of work, then we worked at night together alone, just too much. He ended up leaving the job, and getting another job. As he put it your a biatch and I cant handle you. I shortly after left the job anyways, but I have seen him the odd time and he acts like a little child. His Dad is just as worse, he came into my job (where we both worked), and sat there for hours a stared at me. I was driving home from work, and his Dad was driving real slow, and laughing. I knew it was him, so I called the cops and reported them. We broke up, well I got tired of it, and told him off. He was saying I was cheating on him, and thats not how a relationship should go period, I stick to my standards, no man will say this, or talk down to me, he would say some real nasty things, I told him where to go then he tried getting me to go back, which didn't happen.
@danix1982 (593)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
i never tried and don't want to try having a relationship with co-worker, maybe because its not comfortable for me and boring when you always seeing him everyday.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
27 Mar 13
So you're saying you don't want to see your boyfriend everyday? hehehehe..
• Kenya
20 Feb 13
I am one of those pple who feel that its tricky to have a r/shp with a workmate. For one, u see each other everyday, have the same experiences and have really nothing more to talk about even when u are alone together... And then there is the matter of dealing with ur workmates. Office gossip when u fight... dealing with other office crushes and the repercussions of breaking up or fighting with a different colleague who shows romantic interst in either of u... just too messy, me thinks
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
27 Mar 13
True! it's just really too messy and I wouldn't want to go through that. Though, this discussion has proven that there are those with those types of relationships and they're dealing with it. I guess it depends on the person or the couple. If they're communication is great then perhaps they can get through it, further, if they're not easily bored witn the routine, then perhaps it could work. But eventually, I guess one of them should leave the company. It's tough to be competing with your husband or wife most especially if you're doing the same type of job. Thanks for the thoughts, apologies for a very late reply. Have a great mylot experience and Holy Week ahead!
@dorannmwin (36634)
• United States
20 Feb 13
I personally would never be the kind of person that would ever have a relationship with someone that I worked with. There are a lot of reasons that I would never date someone that I worked with. The main reason that I would not be able to have a romantic relationship with a person that I worked with is because of the fact that I believe that couples that spend too much time together seem to have more problems overall. In addition to that, I believe that having a relationship with a co-worker could be an issue because of workplace politics from time to time.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
22 Feb 13
There's some truth about people spending too much time together. However, there are those relationships which still do last even if the couple is with each other constantly. I think what's important here is the consistency. If the couple is together all the time during the first few months of the relationship, that they forget that they have other friends or other colleagues, there's bound to be a burnout in the relationship. However, if they spend a good amount together but still are able to enjoy things alone or with other friends, then perhaps it would work out. As for politics, well, I just can't see the possibility of competing with your husband or partner for promotion and stuff. What if the husband or partner is to work with some cute girl for a project? I'd feel that jealousy would be boiling. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@jalucia (1434)
• United States
15 Feb 13
right I think you are right. it is too much time spent together. if you disagree about something on the job can you keep it separate from your home life. I think people should have time apart it makes the time together much easier.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Yeah. My partner usually tells me that sometimes, he needs his "me time" so that he could miss me more. I guess we all need some time alone so that we get to recharge ourselves and be excited again to see each other. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• Poland
15 Feb 13
If you work at the office or in the shop then it's ok to date your co-worker but I would advice you to be carefull if your relationship problems would affect your work. For example if you are a surgeon and you just had a fight with your girlfriend and now you need to cooperate with her then you can cause your patient a serious harm when you're not focused.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Wow! That's a dangerous feat you have there as an example. I meant a more "safer" profession, but your point is noted. hehehee... I guess there are people who knows how to shutout their concerns prior do doing their jobs, that's why those people could do relationships in the same company. hehehe.. Anyhow, thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@kprofgames (3098)
• United States
15 Feb 13
That's a hard call. I dated a person who worked at the same company. We weren't co-workers per say because worked in different divisions but it was akward after a while when we stopped seeing each other. Looking back on that I'd stand by keep your professional life professional and your private life private. It's a hard mix when dating a person you work with.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
This is what I mean, one wouldn't see the consequences when one is still dating the person. However, if the breakup is bad (if one cheats) then the issue would linger on and relationships would be strained and people wouldn't know how to react. Hehehe.. Yeah, let's keep professional life away from personal life. Hehehe.. But hey, there are those who claim that their relationship worked out - perhaps it is a possibility. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@Dominique25 (9471)
• United States
15 Feb 13
I think it depends on where the individuals are working. It is hard to say though that people shouldn't date if they work at the same place. Because generally a couple will meet where they spend the most time at.Whether it's in high school, college, or work place. I haven't though dated a person I worked with. I meet my husband when we were young and lived next door to each other. And we went to school together.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Wow! You did follow the Bible saying: "Love your neighbor" literally! hehehee.. Yeah, I guess it could work out. But I just think that it's awkward not for the couple but for the people around most especially when there's a fight or issues with the relationship. Of course you're right, we do meet our partners where we are most frequently. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@chiyosan (30208)
• Philippines
15 Feb 13
Hi laydee! i feel i am one of those who can share a great deal for this discussion, that being that about two of my exes were my officemates. he he so here goes my story and maybe you can assess if it was okay or not..? i worked with the 2nd bf i had and i met him through work, he was new and was sent to be an IT support. we got close as we were almost always chatting when we had problems, i just realized he was already interested in me when he started waiting for me and wants to walk me home and all. so we went steady and started a relationship that lasted only 2 years. We had to separate when i transferred to another office (same company). I became busy and we no longer spend as much time together -- i lost the "love" and he probably had the same feeling as he was not pursuing me as much as well so we just decided we should go separate ways. my 2nd bf was also from work, but we work at different floors, he was in 5th and we were on 3rd so we do not see each other that much as well. we were officemates for only 2 months when i left the company to work in a different city but we see each other almost everyday still because he picks me up from home and drives me to the office. oh when he moved to another work... that is where he found another woman who was willing to be a third party and so he cheated on me. he rarely drives me anymore and we only get to see each other weekly. but i know the distance and the time differences of our jobs proved rather difficult for us to maintain a good relationship. he found someone else who has the same work time as his (he works on the night shift) my recent bf(i am still with him and we are just 6 months into the relationship) we met at work, been friends and acquaintance for about a year and then became us. we work on the same floor.. whenever i have to get water i would see him hehe i would pass by his station and it does not bother me nor him( i hope) hahah but so far our relationship is running smoothly. i miss him still because when we are at work, we do work, and we would rarely even speak to each other. we'd have time together only during lunch and a few minutes after work if in case he won't drive me home, usually i work late and he lives about 2 hours away so i would tell him to go ahead and even if i stay at work for another two hours, we would be at home almost at the same time. he he he :D (i just live about 10 minutes away from work) So i guess relationships ca be hard when you do not spend time... it does not mean it will be boring if you see the person all the time at work... i take it as a blessing to be with someone you love all the time, just know when to give space when he is busy, and when not to demand time at work - it is not your time together because you are at the workplace. I'd say why be afraid to try such a relationship? I knew a lot of people who have met their partners (husbands and wives) at work... and they were doing well and they even are still together now at the same workplace still. its just about how you work things out.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Hmmm.. Seems most of your relationships are from work! hehehe.. I guess it could work out, but I guess it's true that different folks, different strokes.. and of course, there's no perfect formula for love. I am not really afraid of having a relationship with someone at work, it just never really crossed my mind until I read an article about it. However, indeed your experience shows that it does work. I do hope that is for long term though. It's good that both of you can still work productively - but I guess both are more mature now compared to before. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@Raine38 (11514)
• United States
15 Feb 13
First of all, does the company they work for allow this? I know some companies do not allow romantic relationships to blossom amongst its employees. In my previous work, we have this rule. Just think, it will certainly affect the objectivity of a person in fulfilling his duties and responsibilities if the object of his affection works with him. We can always tell that their departments do not have any transactions or coordinations together for the company's operations, but then it's like saying that they will be stuck in that position. Like they can never be transferred nor promoted just so they can always remain working there without actually working together. And if you think about it, will that affair or relationship be worth your stunted career growth or professional promotions? Love is something that we cannot control sometimes. But if it is something that I know is true and worthy, I might just give up my post there and find work somewhere else so I can continue being with that person without making both our careers suffer.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
Let's suppose the company is silent about relationships within the organization. I guess you're right, it wouldn't be really productive - most especially if they work within the same department or there's constant coordination together. I would probably feel awkward if my co-workers are in the early relationship with each other, it would just be weird that you'd see them showing their affection with each other. About giving up your post, I think that's the right thing to do. It's difficult, but I guess there are those who are in those relationships and are doing okay with it. I just think that you'd soon have nothing to talk about because you're already together the whole day - no time to miss each other. It's only great during the few months together, but long term? I'd think that soon you're get bored. But for those in this relationship - there's no perfect formula for love. Different folks, different strokes. Have a great mylot experience ahead! Thanks for the response.
15 Feb 13
It is good to have a relationship with your co worker as long as you know your limitations as lovers inside your work place. Be sure that you are still doing your works properly and on time and avoid that public display of affection because doing so your other co-workers will get irritated to both of you. the benefits of it is you will be inspired of your works everyday by seeing the one you love and you will know well each other's behavior.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
19 Feb 13
I think there's some truth in this too. However, I don't think it's easy to be sensitive to other people when you're madly in love (or you think you are) with someone - perhaps because the relationship is new. On the other hand, perhaps if both are already mature then it's no big deal. Would you go for co-worker relationship if you're given the option? Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
@jade1986 (567)
• India
25 Mar 13
Two co-workers would spend more time together than even a married couple, and thus it happens naturally that if they spend quality time and enjoy each other's company, they would start dating or a relationship. But what you have hinted at is also a valid point. People may get bored by each other's company throughout the day, in office and back home. So, what you could do is change the company once you get married. That way, you would meet up only at the end of the day and would have a lot to talk about.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
27 Mar 13
True about not being able to have anything to talk about anymore since they both are working in one company. hehe..
@bellis716 (4802)
• United States
17 Feb 13
As long as the persons involved are on the same level, it would probably be OK. However, if one of them gets promoted above the other, either the relationship must cease, or one of them should leave the company.
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
21 Feb 13
It's sad if that's the case though, you're choosing between love or career. But heck I guess we all make decisions. There are times when one must choose career over love and vice versa. It's just sad that they have to choose. Thanks for the response, have a great mylot experience ahead!
• India
16 Feb 13
that is really good if two persons who are in love they will be in the same job and same work place. I always wish that I and my husband could be in the same field, same work same office and then I think how close and best friends of each other we could be.
• Penrith, Australia
16 Feb 13
It does sound romantic, but not everything will be as rosy.
@theselan (74)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 13
It is good to have relationship with your co worker because they can understand and take care of you very well outside and inside working environment. But in future there will be a slight ego problem when it comes to job promotion and higher salary then your man. Just imagine your wife is promoted as the head of the department and you as her husband just working as a normal staff under the department. There will be ego problem and misunderstanding among both of you. So there are pros and cons for this situation.
• Penrith, Australia
16 Feb 13
That is so right.. And men are very proud creatures too, they can't have the other gender step on their ego.
@jenny1015 (13374)
• Philippines
16 Feb 13
For some, it might get them bored. But for me, I prefer being with my partner as often as I can. My husband was my classmate for 4 years in College. We spent everyday together. We didn't get bored with the relationship.
• Penrith, Australia
16 Feb 13
Oh wow, that is rare and beautiful Jenny. I hope i find someone like that as well.
• Leesburg, Georgia
15 Feb 13
I think it usually turns out bad but sometimes it can work too. For me it did not turn out good at all. I have dated a co-worker before and when things didn't work out (I broke up with him because he became the stalker type) he went to other co-workers and even the boss and told nasty things about me that were not true. I was so embarrassed by things he said about me that I quit that job! Personally I learned my lesson from that one and I just pass on to others what happened to me because it could happen to anyone... He was very immature, which I didn't know at the time we were together since it was such a short time. He was just about 10 years older than me at the time too! Crazy.
@jalucia (1434)
• United States
25 Feb 13
he should have been old enough to be wiser about a lot of things. at least you were able to leave that environment and move on from it. hopefully it didn't affect other parts of your life
@yeezermac (145)
• Singapore, Singapore
22 Oct 15
Some companies are perfectly fine with it. Some companies aren't. For a couple of reasons. Some companies think that having a romantic relationship at work affects productivity. Maybe they think that employees will be too caught up in romance to work. Maybe they think romantic tiffs might sour work relationships. At the same time, some companies hold a moral compass and insist that romantic relationships at work are an absolute no-no. For whatever stupid moral reason it might be. Could be religious, cultural or even idiosyncratic.
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
16 Feb 13
Nope, it is not okay as you won't have surprises to tell each other about the other aspects of your lives. And when they go out, you know everything thus, it can get you paranoid if your partner does something unusual about work. Also when you break up, it will be hard seeing them everyday and you will only hurt yourself.