Should I invite her dad?

United States
March 5, 2013 1:49pm CST
My daughter's father and I had a bad break-up. He was cheating on me, treating me like crap, and he never helped me with our daughter at all. Now that we're no longer together he makes no effort to see her. I haven't heard from him in almost a month. My daughter's first birthday is coming up soon and I'm wondering if I should invite her dad to her party? Sometimes I think that it would make me a bad person if I didn't invite him but he doesn't seem like he wants to see her anyway. He sees his first child who is five years old and he has been to all of her birthday parties. I just don't know what I should do. I've already decided that I'm not inviting any of his family members because they have been nothing but rude to me. His grandma even told me that she would stay friends with me on Facebook but she doesn't want to see my daughter, so I blocked her.
3 people like this
15 responses
• Indonesia
6 Mar 13
how cruel grandma! why she did it to your daughter? is there any incident in the past or indeed, they always treat you bad?? it's hard to make a decision if I were on your situation, but if this for your daughter, you need to be wise and patient. have you ask your daughter if she want the father to attend the party or not? may be you should invite him, but not all his family member that very rude on you. it may make you feel bad, but it only once and you do it for your daughter. it's up to him if he would come or not, at least you try to fix relationship, even it hurts you a lot believe me, everything will be okay.. stay strong, cosmo
• Indonesia
14 Mar 13
ah, sorry, I forget your it's 1st birthday of your daughter. so, I guess, the option, is make short discussion to his father. however, he's his father. does he want to come or not? with or without him, the party will still great
• United States
6 Mar 13
My daughter isn't old enough to talk yet. This will be her first birthday. His family didn't start treating me this way until they found out I filed for child support.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
5 Mar 13
I think in a case like this I would invite the dad. I mean, if he doesn't care about his daughter, he probably wouldn't go, and still, it's a polite and nice gesture from you to do so. You're not going to lose anything if you invite him, and if he behaves untolerably, you can still make him go.
6 Mar 13
ya, i think thats right
• United States
6 Mar 13
Yes, I do agree with you on that. I just don't think he's going to bother to show up. And if he does, he will have his dad with him and I don't want his dad there at all.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
6 Mar 13
I don't invite my ex to birthday parties, he hasn't seen his children since 2009. If there is no attempt at visitation, then you are not a bad person for not inviting them. To be honest unless the parents are civil, then I don't feel it is productive to have bad mojo around the children by having ex's or ex-in-laws at a birthday function. It is your child's birthday. And their special day should be about them not the tension in the air because of the adults around them.
• United States
6 Mar 13
I agree with you. I want my daughter to have a great first birthday party and if I suspect that anyone (even her father) would be there to start drama or cause problems, then I don't want them there.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
6 Mar 13
OMG how horrible. If he or the family are treating you in this manner I wouldn't bother inviting him. If you feel you want to be nice about it and be the bigger person you can invite him but I bet he doesn't show up. If he cared he would be providing for her in my opinion. If he does show up then maybe he wants to continue a relationship with her that would be great. However, from what you have already mentioned I don't think he cares or wants to be involved in her life. If you invite him and he doesn't show up forget about him. He is not worth it! Then one day he will regret not being in her life and then it will be to late.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
6 Mar 13
Sorry to hear that. But I dont think your daughter should pay for his and your problems there. So invite him. She will be happy Im sure.
• United States
6 Mar 13
My daughter will be a year old so she really doesn't understand what's going on. He doesn't do anything positive for her so I don't see why he should come around. He's drunk and/or high almost 24/7 and I don't want him being drunk or high at her birthdy party. When he was coming around after he moved out but before we broke up, she would cry when he'd try to pick her up. She didn't want anything to do with him. And he only acknowledged her if my mom was in the room because he knew my mom would have said something to him about ignoring her.
@mswahm (2)
• United States
7 Mar 13
I don't think it would make you a bad person for not inviting him. As you stated he has not tried to contact you to see her and there is too much bad vibes going on with his family. I left my husband in 2006 because he was abusive to me and I have not allowed him to see his kids since. You also don't want all those bad vibes around the baby she can feel it even if she can't speak. Sorry you have to go through this but you will get through it. Good Luck!
• United States
8 Mar 13
Thankfully, he was never physically abusive towards me or my daughter but he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He also had a very bad temper and wanted to argue about everything. I'm glad to hear that you got out of your abusive relationship and I don't blame you for not letting him see the children. I think that if I did invite him to the party he wouldn't come anyway, even though he goes to his first child's birthday parties. I think he only goes to hers because he still has feelings for her mom even though he claims that he can't stand her. He was always taking her side on everything and being so nice to her when she didn't deserve it.
@youless (112243)
• Guangzhou, China
6 Mar 13
How terrible to hear that. I am sorry for you. Don't think that you are mean, I think they deserve to it. He and his family are not kind to you, and therefore it is no problem that you do the same to return them. Don't feel it bad, too. He is just irresponsible and he is neither a qualified husband nor a dad. Besides, inviting him makes you feel bad. And he may not even appreciate to attend to this birthday party. So just let it be and enjoy the birthday party without them. You should invite the nice people who make you enjoy this special event.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
5 Mar 13
Hi there, Normally, I would say, sure..go ahead and invite him. My ex-husband and I had a very bitter breakup and yet both of us were able to be civil and he would come over and watch them open gifts on Christmas morning, go out trick or treating with us etc. The fact that your ex has made no attempt to see his daughter says a lot about him and NO, I probably would not go out of my way to include him. Honestly, if he cared, he would call you and ask you what you are doing for her and offer to help. My ex still does this and our girls are grown!! Our 27 yr old has a birthday next week and he stopped by and we discussed all chipping in and getting her a lap top that she has been wanting. As for the grandmother's comments...she is sick. I am a grandmother and I can't even imagine that kind of thinking for any reason. I would not want to open the door to your daughter being exposed in anyway to that side of her family if there is any way to avoid it. They sound horrid! If he cares, then he can give her a party but do you think he really will? I hope you have gone to make sure you have physical and legal custody on your daughter. As I type, I'm thinking, "what would be worse...inviting him causing disappointments or getting her involved with such a family" Ugh. I'm sorry you are in this spot.
@marguicha (217357)
• Chile
6 Mar 13
I don`t think that thereĀ“s any need to be polite to that man. As you are telling things, he has only been her biological father. If he has not done any action to see her, if his family are not interested in your daughter, you must move on.
@cvodrey (225)
• United States
5 Mar 13
That was horrible and childish of his grandmother to say that. Some people just make me shake my head. To be the better person, it would be nice of you to invite him; at least that way you know you've made an effort, and it is the mature thing to do. I just worry that you will be disappointed if he doesn't show and it may be painful for you. As long as you are keeping the lines of communication open, you are doing the right thing -unless he is a very bad person, i.e. abusive, openly aggressive towards you or others, etc. I'm sorry you are going through all this. You daughter is lucky to have a very thoughtful and devoted mother. ((hugs))
• United States
6 Mar 13
He knows my home number so if he really wanted to get a hold of me about our daugher, he could call me but he doesn't even do that. If I do invite him and he doesn't show up, it wouldn't disappoint me because I assume that he won't show up anyway. He is abusive but not phsyically, just verbally and emotionally. He does throw things and break things but he has never hit me or our daughter. If he did, he would have been out of our lives a long time ago. Thank you very much for your comment and kind words. :)
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Mar 13
Based on the fact that you've been through a bad breakup with your daughter's father and the fact that he hasn't even seen her in a fairly long period of time, I would say that if I was in your shoes that I would not invite him to the birthday party. I know there are some parents that are separated that will have joint birthday parties for their children. However, there are also many families that will have separate parties for their children. Overall, I really think that this is something that is up to the individual family and their situations.
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
6 Mar 13
I think that it would be better not to invite them if they really aren't interested in seeing your baby. It is supposed to be a happy moment for your daughter and if there is tension between you and his father's family, I think that it is best not to invite them. Maybe you can inform the father that his daughter is having a birthday party but you don't really have to invite him. If he wants to go then let him do that without forcing him. I still wonder how on earth there are fathers who won't care for their children's happiness and future. I hope your daughter will grow happy and contented with you despite all these.
• India
6 Mar 13
Ceremonies are the platform to enjoy and also an occasion to get bonded again. If you feel by inviting your ex, you can add both or at least one of the above factor, then invite. Otherwise no need to think of them, who cant add happiness in your kid's b'day. I mean, if you hope that your ex will take it positively and will again care fro you and family then, its better to think for calling else just enjoy wih your own people. Its my way of thinking.
@miryanag (346)
• Bulgaria
6 Mar 13
If I was in your shoes I wouldn't call him. If he wants to be there it's ok he could come. But I am proud person so I wouldn't begg him to atend his own child's birthday.
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
5 Mar 13
OMG...his grandmother was really rude for saying that to you and if I am in your position I will totally blocked her or even said some words that's she deserve, your daughter is also her granddaughter no matter what and she need to act to her age. I think if the family and your daughter's father did not treating you well and did not helping you to raise your daughter then they do not have a right to see your daughter too at all. Also the father has really intentions to attend the party and love your daughter he will come with or without your invitation.