I'm done trying with him...

United States
March 20, 2013 5:05pm CST
I decided that I would invite my daughter's dad to her birthday party. I figure whether he shows up or not it won't matter because he's going to ignore her either way. I sent him a message on Facebook since I have no other way to contact him, he doesn't have a phone. Here's our conversation: Me: Lilly's birthday party will be on April 13th at the town hall. I'm not sure of the time yet but I'll be sending out invitations when the date gets closer. If you have Lezlie that weekend, she is also invited and I've already spoken to her mom about it. She said it was fine. (He read this the day that I sent it but he never replied. So two days later I sent him this next message.) Me: Why don't you reply when I tell you something about Lilly? (He never replies to anything I send him if it involves our daughter.) Him: I'll be there. Don't get sh*tty with me. Wow, really?! I was nice enough to include him in her birthday party after the way he's treated both of us and his decision is to get an attitude with me? I don't think that's the smartest way to go on his part.
3 people like this
13 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
21 Mar 13
hi there cosmo, honestly, i would have sent him the first e-mail and that is it. if he showed, he showed and if not...oh well. it really is not up to you to provide him with the opportunity to celebrate his daughter's birthday since the two of you are not together. kudos to you though for being the bigger person and giving him that chance. truthfully, he and his family should plan and provide a seperate party for her and especially considering the fact that there has been so little communication between you. With all that you have told us about him, i think you went way over and beyond what you really needed to. i would not argue with him. if he actually shows up to the party, just be polite to him as you would any other guest. either he will grow up (hopefully) and be a good dad for your little girl or he will continue being the way he is. your daughter will grow up and she will understand it for what it is. in the meantime, don't put him down and also do not build him up.
• United States
24 Mar 13
I don't trust him to be around her when I'm not there so I wouldn't allow him to have a party for her on his own. Besides, he would never make the effort to do that anyway because he doesn't care. His dad's house (where he was living) recently caught on fire and they were always telling me that they wanted to burn it down on purpose so they would get the house insurance money. So I honestly think they did it on purpose. They're currently staying in a hotel. I doubt that he will come to her birthday party now. He'll make the excuse about the fire which to me, has nothing to do with why he couldn't come to her party. I was also nice enough to invite his first daughter and I spoke to her mom about it. She didn't invite Lilly to her daughter's party so now I'm not going to waste my time by sending her an invite. I know her mom isn't going to let her go. At this point, I'm just done trying and I'm not going to keep in contact with any of them.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 Mar 13
my bad. i really was not thinking this through when i suggested that they give her a party. It momentarily slipped my mind as to what losers they are from your other discussions. I think you are right...I wouldn't bother with them either.
• United States
25 Mar 13
Yeah, I just don't know. He didn't go to his older daughter's birthday so I'm sure he won't show up for my daughter's either. His ex did message me on Facebook yesterday telling me that the reason she publicly posted about her daughter's birthday is so I would know about it. I said "well I didn't want to just show up and you didn't personally tell me that we were invited". She said "it would have been alright for you to come, I just get overwhelmed when it comes to party time. I just want everything to be perfect". Umm okay... so what was so difficult about telling me for sure that my daughter and I were invited?
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
21 Mar 13
There are times then you are trying to be the good parent and it just never works out. Sad individual he is for his lack of interest in his daughter. I can see why you invited him, I understand that, but from here on out is it really worth the headache? I've separated myself from ex's and extended family for the very reason that hate the drama and they don't make an effort anyway so why bother.
• United States
24 Mar 13
For 4 months was the good guy, inviting and keeping the kid's dad up to date and trying to work out visitation. He blew them off all visitation, 2 holidays and their birthdays. His mother asked me if the kids got their Xmas money, no because I know he spend it just like all the other years. He hasn't seen them since 2009 by his own choice.
• United States
24 Mar 13
I just don't understand how people like him have no concern for their children. And if he expects me to show him respect, he should do the same to me. But that's asking too much and I know it will never happen. So next time I won't even bother to tell him about her party or anything else that concerns her.
• United States
25 Mar 13
Wow. Well if that's the case, I'm sure the kids are better off without him anyway.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
21 Mar 13
UGH! That was not nice of him at all. Its almost like he is going only because he feels obligated to go. That is what I get from that remark. Some men can be so heartless and cruel. Instead of saying I will definitely be there his reply is nasty. I bet you are now regretting inviting him. He seems like he will not be in a good mood and will act distant to his own daughter. What a shame that he has not matured yet into adulthood.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
25 Mar 13
His own daughter knows he doesn't care about her that is why she was crying. She doesn't feel any love or affection from him. Sorry but he is a loser when it comes to be a dad. I feel so bad for your daughter. I had two daughters with a man I was with on and off for 11 years. He was also a loser when it came to the kids. I never kept them from him however, once I met someone else he stayed away. Now he is old and sick and has little communication with one daughter. The younger daughter talks to him from time to time.
• United States
24 Mar 13
That's exactly how he is! He'll show up because he feels like he has to and since he's mad at me, he'll ignore our daughter. He's done it before, not for a birthday party, but he showed up at our house after he moved out. He only came here to get the rest of his stuff and he mad at me because I filed for child support so he ignored our daughter the whole time he was here. He didn't even acknowledge her until my mom was in the room with us and our daughter didn't want anything to do with him. He tried to pick her up and all she did was cry and back away from him.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Mar 13
He should treat not only your daughter with respect, but he should treat you with respect as well. I find that there are a lot of parents that don't take the time to realize when they have a child together that their lives are going to be interwoven for the rest of their lives. For that reason alone, he should be kind to you when it comes to those events that you need to attend together and he should be attentive to your daughters needs at all times. I can definitely see why you are frustrated with him.
• South Africa
21 Mar 13
I wouldn't want him around at all. He sounds like a total... And you don't need that. Why doesn't he grow up and talk to you and tell you how he feels else you will never know. Ask him to be a man.
• United States
24 Mar 13
I agree with you 100%! I've told him before to let me know how feels and he refuses to do it. He just gets an attitude with me and wants to argue about everything.
• South Africa
24 Mar 13
Have you asked him whats wrong ?
• United States
21 Mar 13
Wow, that was very big of you! It's obvious that despite how he has treated you and your daughter, you understand the importance of her having her father as part of her life; I just hope for both you and your daughter's sake he one day comes to understand it too! With all the preparations you went through including calling Lezlie's mother and making sure it was OK with her, he could have been at least a little more considerate. How can someone be that selfish and cruel?
• United States
24 Mar 13
I've been wondering that same thing myself. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. At first, things were great between us but after I got pregnant it all went downhill. I should have listened to his ex because she warned me about him. He doesn't make an effort to see his first child either. He does see her though but that's only because his dad pretty much makes him do it and the child's mom takes her to his dad's house where he lives. I just don't understand people like him. Whether he comes or not, it will make no difference to me. I know he won't get her anything for her birthday. He's never bought his first daughter anything. I was the one buying her birthday and Christmas presents for the last two or three years.
@marguicha (217357)
• Chile
24 Mar 13
I would have sent him the first message, but not the second. The first message was to inform him that he was invited. In the second one you asked him to explain about the way he behaves with Lily. There is no need to do that. You will not change him and you cannot do anything about it.
@junmae (1586)
• Philippines
21 Mar 13
If I'm in your situation, I will not invite him to my child's birthday. It is his right to be there because he is the father and nobody can change it but he should be the one to have initiative. Next time, dont make any effort in inviting him for your daughter.
• United States
24 Mar 13
I agree with you and I don't plan on inviting him next year. If he can't take the initiative and make an effort to see her himself, that's on him. I can't force him to care about her.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
21 Mar 13
It is hard to judge him as to why he reacted that way. But let's just hope that he shows up and make his daughter happy on her very special day.
• United States
25 Mar 13
I don't think he'll come to her party, he didn't go to his older daughter's party either.
• China
21 Mar 13
You are a interesting wife and you daughter Lily is cute , I find Lily's father is concern her and you (his wife). I got married ,I know man is weak in communication ,just like they like black coat and woman like colorful coat ,man are different, do not care too much when they are not so talkable. My husband sometimes anger without any reason ,I with him 3years ,a little know man's temper, man is like fierce tiger. Sometimes like gentle sleepy sheep who is scared by hurt. Your family is interesting with birthday party ,and you are a good wife and mother .Your daughter is cute. Your husband is royalty.
• United States
24 Mar 13
We are not married.
21 Mar 13
If you can move on with out him why not go on your way. Anyway you are the winner because you daughter is with you. The more you give important to him the more he will brag. Leave him alone and let him feel that you are much stronger when he abandon you and your daughter. Don't give a slightest respect to a person who don't respect you
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
21 Mar 13
You said it very correctly ! The more he is given importance the humbug he becomes. Very true , why do you give respect to people who don't respect you. He gets what he deserved .
@Yocom67 (23)
• Israel
21 Mar 13
I think she'll be happy when she sees her father You did a good and brave thing
• United States
29 Mar 13
Its a rough situation. The first years, including pregnancy, my son"s dad wasn't around and if he was it was because I argued with him to come round. This is after being friends sinc chldhood and dating almost two years before getting pregnant. People change and it could be drastic. It's nice you invited him. Honestly if he's not involved he should feel thankful you"d even give him the chance. e will regret all he's missed, and by then your daughter will be smart enough to know what's up. Trust me. My son's five now, goes with his dad evety other weekend who now has another family he's 100% there for, and my son is aware of how things are. It makes the bond between you and your child stronger. Good luck in this, keep your head upp.