Have you ever thought of divorce ??
By Mintlin
@Mintlin (322)
China
March 24, 2013 8:59pm CST
I don't know why,i only married for just 1 year however i thought of divorce many times during the year. my husband loves me,and i think i love him. we live with my parents in law,honestly,i don't like them,but our relationship is not that bad.
we do not have a child yet,recently, divorce comes to my mind again.
i'm kind of person who loves freedom much,there are so many things i didnot expect in marriage.maybe i just lack of commitment, maybe because poor financial problems,I really do not know. last night ,i had a quarrel with my husband and i left my home,i stayed in a hotel for the whole night but couldn't sleep.Am i too willful,but i really feel tried in this marriage.
dear mylotters,have you ever thought of divorce ?
2 people like this
23 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
Divorce is not allowed in our country. And so Annulment is the one that married couples would have when things get rough in their marriage. And yes, my husband and I have thought about it 7 years ago. But, had to consider a lot of things, so we decided to give it another shot with our marriage.
2 people like this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
A bit better, although this is still not the kind of relationship I was hoping for. I feel that he has stopped me from being something "big". I mean, I have finished 6 years College. And I do think that it he would just be reasonable enough, I would become something that would elevate our status. I do not mean to become filthy rich, but at least being able to make it on our own and not rely most of the time with my parents and his.
1 person likes this
@Alisatan (190)
• Hefei, China
25 Mar 13
I am sorry to hear that, hope everthing will be fine. I think you should calm down first. Every boday likes freedom, but since you married. You have a family and have to think about your husband, sometimes your parents in law. That can not be avoidable, you know it, right? So freedom sometime can have conflict with family. So you juse end this marriage and never marry again? For finacial problem, I have been through this as well. Sometimes I feel so tired. It makes me feel worse especially compared with my friends, most of them are more rich than me. When going shopping with them, I just follow them and help to taking bags for them. I can not buy clothes which I like very much. That is pity, right? But I never think of divorce, as I know I can not find one like my husband that we love each other very much. I am happy when with him. Any way, it is your choice, if you think you will be 100% happier than now after divorce, then do it. If not, pls try your hard to improve living conditions with your husband.
2 people like this
@Janebaby (47)
• China
25 Mar 13
I agree with you very much. We can not abandon my partner only because of seeking freedom. Comparing with some rich people,I am poor too.However,my husband never parsimonious when buy gifts for me,if only I like,he will pay for it. He always consoles me that money will come back again after I spent it. Of course we also try our hard to make money to improve living conditions and store some money for having a baby.
2 people like this
@qianlizhifeng (468)
• China
25 Mar 13
First of all,I should say sorry to read what you have posted on mylot.I think there must be something wrong in your new founded family.Well,before marrying,lovers think it romantic to live together without considering enough about the reality.For the person who they are going to marry with,people always see their husbands' or wives' advantages but could not see the shortcomings.However,when living together,all kinds of problems arise.The couples have to face economical problems,try to get on with the other's family members who they haven't lived with or talked with before.These problems will bring something unpleasant to our life,making us uahappy,stressed out and even depressed sometimes.
In my opinion,real love should be maintained by both the husband and the wife.Only by dealing with all the problems together can the marriage last forever.And meanwhile,the real romantic love doesn't just lie in romantic gifts and words.It need our careful protection.If your husband knew you had thought of divorce,and he is still in the deep love with you,how would he feel?When you were in the hotel,leaving your husband at home alone,he might want to cry sadly.
To deal with the relationship with your parents in law,I think you should try to have more effective talk with them.It is normal to have a good relationship with your parents in law,because you haven't learned their characters.However,they are your husband's parents,who should also be your parents.They are not just your parents in law,but your real mother.So if you try to treat them as your real father and mother,and respect them,they will treat you as their real daughter.
Marriage means more responsibilities than love,though you don't have a child yet.I think you should return to your husband because you are still loving him.Both of you should try to understand each other,and try to create happiness together.
1 person likes this
@qianlizhifeng (468)
• China
26 Mar 13
Thank you for your reading.I can understand your present condition,your thinking and your feelings.In our life,sometimes we dislike or even hate some persons.But the persons are important in our life,and we couldn't avoid them.Since we couldn't avoid them,we should try our best to face them,and be friendly to them.When you try to make them your closest friends or relatives,your problems will all be over.
I think they are firs of all your parents,no matter parents in law orr parents in blood,so they should first receive your respect.Your problems may also come from the different life styles and habbits.So if you want to get on well with them,you should first change your attitude towards them,and adapt yourself to the family life.
Don't wish them to disappear,because they wouldn't be gone as you wished,and even if they disappeared as you wished,your husband would be sad.
Of course,you will find it difficult to get on well with them at the beginning because you have not learned about them.So you should try to learn something in detail about your parents in law.For example,what kind of food do they prefer?What topics do they usually talked about at home?Where do they usually go on the weekend?In fact,it was a chance for you to increase your relationship with your husband.You can tell your husband about the difficulties you are facing,and ask help from him.As long as he knew your purpose,he would happily help you.
Happiness comes from your great effort.As long as you try to respect your parents in law,I think they will find your effort some day.Then they will be moved,and loved you deeply.
@Mintlin (322)
• China
26 Mar 13
thank you very much qianlizhifeng,i do feel better after reading your reply.
there are so many problems in marriage can not be solved.to be honestly,i dislike my parents very much ,and most of problems are coming from them,if they do not exist,then we may have no problems
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
25 Mar 13
You said "you think you love him" this to me sounds like you are having doubts. Randy and I had a rough first year and we are still married (we have been married for 5 and a half years) and we worked through things. Before we got married his mom had passed away (10 weeks before our wedding day), Randy was only able to find a part-time job which was a struggle, but we managed to survive on shoe string budget, and the house we were renting was horrible and the landlord was awful. If you are really having doubts the two of you need to sit down and talk things out and seek counseling.
2 people like this
@sarameastrong (826)
• Surrey, British Columbia
25 Mar 13
ahm..good day to you.i am very sorry to hear your situation but i think you need a time for each other to decide ,i think you are not comfortable with your husband .but i know you are a good wife maybe if you do have your baby already you can state your decision the two of you and plan for a new life for your incoming child soon.i advice you to talk calmly to your husband and tell him everything you feel in your marriage before you think for a divorce so that it will end up into happy endings between you and him.If you have a financial problem issues , i believe you can settle it by planning through sharing your thoughts and ideas from you and your husband.if you truly love him and as long as you are sure that he loves you then don't think of divorce its just misunderstanding and you two need heart to heart talk.ok thats all i can say.goodluck .
1 person likes this
@dagami (1158)
• Rome, Italy
25 Mar 13
hi, mintlin. why do you say you think you love your husband? are you not sure about this? maybe it's living with your parents in law that is the problem. you mat be feeling too cooped up in that house. there will always be misunderstandings in marriage however these can be settled down by talking. you should always be open with your husband. tell him about your feelings and your expectations on your marriage. why don't you try to recall the reasons why you married him? maybe this would help you in evaluating your situation. don't act too harshly, you might be sorry for it later.
2 people like this
@aryajayaprakash (1643)
• Japan
27 Mar 13
I guess You only think you love him. Do not think, just love him the way he is. All people are not made same. When two people start living together, at first they may be happy, but then slowly they start seeing the differences. Living with in-laws is particularly challenging. You really need to be an Adult (as described in the book 'games people play'). You need to know that it is difficult to get along with anybody in the life. It needs lot of understanding. If we do not have the ability to understand, we will repeat the same with another life after divorce also spoiling many people's life.
Thinking of divorce is quite normal and natural but doing it always is not.
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
25 Mar 13
Have you always lived with your in laws? Sounds like you and your husband need your own space to develop your own relationship.
Living with in laws isn't easy. Yes, money can be an issue but would you be better off living with them and having these feelings of doubt or having a home for just the two of you.
I think it has to come down to you loved him before you married him, can you find that again if you two can concentrate on each other.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
26 Mar 13
Yes I have thought of divorce countless times. I can understand you wanting freedom it would be really hard having to live with others. Marriage does entail a lot of responsibility. I hope that things work out for you whatever you decide to do.
@suni51 (3429)
• India
25 Mar 13
I am sorry but I am totally confused. I maybe pardoned for my misunderstanding but I do not see any reason for you to go for a divorce as the situation is not all that bad. you see in our country divorce is ultimate. we generally do not opt for it unless must. cheers.
@Janebaby (47)
• China
25 Mar 13
Good evening, Mintlin,I hope everything is ok for you.
I have married for 2 years,and live with my husband's parents too.I don't know what so bad happened in your marriage that you think of divorce.In my opinion,it is hard for us to encounter among so many people and love each other , it is worthy to cherish for both of us.Calm down, analyse what make you feel tired ,what you need on earth, then communicate with your husband gently,looking for some ideas to solve it together. Wish you are happy sincerely.
1 person likes this
@elenaliu (149)
• China
25 Mar 13
I am sorry to hear that,I fear to hear others to say divorce,perhaps I'm a perfectionist.You said you still love your husband and he loves you too,that's enough,I hope you can change your mind,and think about it quietly,I hope you will be well soon,best wishes for you.
1 person likes this
@JanEdward (68)
• Italy
25 Mar 13
I dont think financial problem should be equal to get a divorse.
In my case, Im born and raised in norway. Wich is a good country to live in. Even as a painter you can make a good living even if that kind of job never makes you rich. I found my love in Italy and i moved here last year. Here the financial problems are huge.Life is harder here. My girlfriend has a job, i struggle to find one. But what is surtain, me and her will find a way out of it. I told her before i moved that we when it comes to money, it will be very hard in the beginning . What good is it to be filthy rich if love is lacking in the relationship? A relationship without love is pointless, for me atleast. But that is why i am still here and have not even been thinkin about moving back to norway. I feel sorry that all her money goes to paying bills,but while im looking for work. I keep the house clean and have dinner ready for her.
Think back to when you two met.What made you fall for him? Did parents have anything to do with the marridge that made you feel that you had to get married?
If you feel you need some distance in the relationship, like having some time where you are by yourself.I cant see that as a problem even being in a marridge. We all need some time for ourselves sometimes.
You said you "think" you love him. You do or you dont. But i dont think it is a good idea to stay in the marridge if you are afraid to hurt his feelings. Isnt it worse to know that the marridge is a lie,if you dont love him and stay?
I hope you choose whats right for you, it is your life,and you do what you feel is best. But be honest to yourself and people around you.
I wish you the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85290)
• Valdosta, Georgia
25 Mar 13
You said you "think" you love him. That to me says why did you marry him if your not even sure you love him? I am really confused by that statement...
Marriage is a serious commitment so if you know you don't like being committed, again why did you get married?
And if you like freedom so much, again why are you married?
Everything you have said here tells me you should have stayed single. It's not fair that after your married you decide you want a divorce when you have only been married for a year! I kind of feel bad for your husband, I think you should tell him how your feeling. It is only right for him to know...
Of course when things get really tough everyone thinks about it now and then but not over an argument, at least I haven't. Things have to be really bad for the thought to enter my head. I think you should seriously consider what it is you want and stick with that...
@LovingMyBabies (85290)
• Valdosta, Georgia
26 Mar 13
In the beginning of my marriage to my husband we lost a child together. That was the hardest thing to go through. Then we lost our home and had to live with other people, that was NOT easy either. We lived with my parents who made things H*ll for us.
We have been through a lot and still we are together. We have worked through things and still stay. If we can stay married after losing a child and being homeless I am sure you can stick it out as well if you want to.
But I think you should really talk to your husband about this...
@else22 (4317)
• India
25 Mar 13
Had you have asked this question a few years back when I had got married,my reply would have been positive.Our marriage was looking precarious immediately we tied knot with each other.It seemed impossible for me to manage with my wife.I was feeling we were not made for each other.I had started thinking of divorcing her,but summoned courage to try to save our relations.I took the initiative and she cooperated.And now we are perhaps the happiest couple in the world.We can't even dream of living without each other.Divorcing each other is out of question.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
25 Mar 13
I sure have... I even did it. I was married 12 years , I divorced him because of abuse about 2 years ago.
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
2 Apr 13
how about if you talk to your husband to change the home and live seprate from your in laws? talk to him and see what he will tell you. otherwise, till you feel that you are not saticfied and happy in your marriage it is wise to control to not become pregnant.. first try to solve all those problems and give time...