He Wants Me to Have an Affair

Philippines
April 1, 2013 2:04pm CST
Hello everybody. I hope everything is well with you all. Here I go again posting something I do not really understand. After trying to understand and forgive my erring husband for quite some time now, here I am still trap in this situation. The thing is, he is renewed. He no longer chases women but is now into convincing me to have a tryst with different men. He wants to see me swallowing, sucking (at least, he told this is his fantasy) another man's equipment. NOt just a man's but also that of a woman. Sigh...I couldn't believe this... Is this right. How men out there are like this? Please men, be honest. Would you want to see your partner making out with someone else?
7 people like this
12 responses
@oneclick (21)
1 Apr 13
No, i won't and will not advice or suggest my partner does such. I want to ask, what does he really want? Do you think he's been influenced in some sort? Do you have kids for him? I really like to get the situation clear?
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
What kind of person in his right mind would be fine by that? I don't think I would feel okay even if it was already an ex lover.
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Hi, Jenny. How have you been, my dear? This is the exact line a male friend had said to me when I told him my frustrations about my husband's fantasy. He too couldn't understand the way his mind works. Yes, like you, Jen. I feel awkward about it. I'm a one- man -woman and I can't simply comprehend why I should make out with someone else other than him... Hay naku... Men, they are too complicated...
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Let's not waste our precious time thinking of people who does not show any concern to us. Life is too short to be sad. It may be hard to find another person, but that can only tell. For the meantime, enjoy your life! have a great day, dear!
@dpk262006 (58677)
• Delhi, India
3 Apr 13
Hi eureka! This is horrific and weird. I fail to understand how an hubby could direct his wife to go for such perverted and unenviable activities with other man? This feels disgusting to me. Only thing which come to my mind is - he might have uttered these kind of statements when he was really upset with something or thoroughly disturbed due to some action. If he dared retort such things when he was normal, then it is unacceptable for a wife. I may have my own fantasies but I feel there is always a limit to divulge, disclose and share it with someone or with one's partner. Some fantasies are good as long as they remain in one's mind only because real life is different from fantasies and dream world. I would dare not say such silly things ever to anybody, leave aside my better half. Have a nice day!
@zelnut (39)
• Dubai, United Arab Emirates
4 Jan 14
the idea is pretty weird but what's more weird is the inner desires of one itself.
@tiffnkeat (1673)
• Singapore
2 Apr 13
Maybe he is hoping you will say something likewise like you like to see him intimate with another woman? LO L...how shallow it would be of him? Can I suggest something to you? 1. Tell your man to wake up and stop suggesting things that are not acceptable to you. 2. Tell him you have this fantasy of what he asked of you is what he will do on another MAN, how will he like it? 3. You better check he is clean before he lay another finger on you. I think he is sick in the head. You should be careful. There is nothing wrong with you to disagree with him.
@zelnut (39)
• Dubai, United Arab Emirates
4 Jan 14
to be honest, I've felt the same when I was un married, but after marriage I just turned quite conservative, leading a quite ordinary husband wife life. But the most annoying thing was she was fantasing it as the eurekka's husband thinks. So I guess it pretty comes with both the genders. I've caught her quite a couple of times dancing with strangers at the local bar and flirting with some over the phone.
@besweet (9859)
• Ireland
1 Apr 13
I am a woman but I am certain that when a man loves and respects a woman, he doesn't ask her to do things against her will. It is nice that he is discussing with you his fantasies but please make it clear to him whether you are willing to do any of that or not. Maybe some couples can make it work this way, but I personally think that when a person decides to commit and start a family then he/she has to be exclusive. Maybe you can fullfill one other fantasy that he might have, that doesn't involve other people in your relationship if you don't want to take that step.
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Besweet,thank y0ou for dropping some lines here.:-) I also give merit to my husband for telling me about his fantasy. At least, he has been honest with me in this sense. However, I told him that I am not into this nor I'll be able to be soon. He seems so into this and there's just no other way to stop him. I get so frustrated that I have to say harsh words to him only to make him stop bugging me about having an affair.[i][/i] He said that some couples are doing it and is ok with it. Unfortunately, he found the wrong person in me to get to do it. I do believe in exclusivity, too. For the sake of my children with whom I have an obligation to raise decently, and for the sake of my own sanity, I will never do it unless I am willing and ready. Yeah, he said, we will consider other options where we can explore and have our adventure. But I don't know much how to...
1 person likes this
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Sorry to say this but your husband need help from the experts . He is sick ! How can a sane person afford to see her wife doing that thing to other man. My ! How can a man drag his wife to mud ? How come he can afford to do this thing to her wife ? This just tells me that he don't respect and love her wife. She forgot woman are the source offspring of humanity ,therefore a sacred creation but he looked and treated wife as an ordinary beast. My heart and soul cries for this. Please don't allow this to happen in your life , If husband can't respect you then at least you yourself have that respect and love.
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Hello, Angelpink. :-) That's what I thought at first. He needs a professional help. But he is my husband and all men and even women have fantasies. Though his is awkward and not comfortable in my part, I do respect that he has that and appreciate him more for telling it to me. I have no problem with that until the day when I told him I can not and he just won't stop telling to keep on trying to look for someone I can make out... This trully pisses me off I , too, believe that women should and must be respected by their spouses. We should be treated like we are a precious gem (because we are). Unfortunately, husband seems to not understand how to show respect properly. But, heck. I will not succumb to his desire... Thank you so much Angelpink for sharing your thoughts about this topic. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great day.
• United States
14 Apr 13
I'm sorry. It seems like he fears you will cheat so he rather just see you do it . Or.. he may just be wired a different way and will get turned on see you with someone else. Either way do not do what you don't want to do. tell him how you Really feel and if he can't respect it, leave him.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Apr 13
I think many men are like this and many women are more than willing. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if YOU are into this stuff. Don't do it just to please your husband. If it is not something you are ok with then you have to stand your ground. Its all about two "CONSENTING" adults. Personally, I'd leave the marriage. I would feel that even if he stopped pushing me that he would not be happy and would go behind my back. Even if he did not go behind my back..I'd feel that he wouldn't be happy. I'd let him go. I personally would not want to see my partner with anyone else but that is just me. It's only wrong if you go along with something that compromises your convictions.
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Hi, Sid. How are you, my dear? I'm excited seeing you've commented here. You're one of those respondents who can put things on the spot. And after reading your words, I aj absolutely right. I mistook you as a man before, right? I must remember that you are a woman.:-) You have spoken the truth, this ain't my cup of tea and for whatever reasons my husband have, I'll never do this because just like what you just said it is definitely compromising my conviction. Very well said, Sid.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Apr 13
i guess it is really possible for a man to say he wants to see his wife doing it with someone else when the man itself is doing it with someone other than his wife. or it could be that the man only wants to get away from his wife, so he has the reason to?
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
3 Apr 13
Please do not give in to your husband's request. It would only result in you losing your self-respect. There are several possible reasons for his request, none of them good for you. It would not strengthen your marriage and could completely destroy it. Then, you would have nothing, no marriage and no self-respect.
@lelin1123 (15595)
• Puerto Rico
2 Apr 13
Well I'm a female and I know for a fact my husband would not go for this at all. I think what he is asking you to do is terrible and disgusting. He is definitely disrespecting you as a women. I remember my ex from years ago wanted me to be with another women while he watched. I said no way I'm not into that. He accepted my decision and that was the end of it. It never came up again. I think your man should keep this as only a fantasy and forget about it happening.
• Philippines
2 Apr 13
Lelin, I guess, one way or another men have that extreme fantasy. It is for the sake of adding excitement to their life and trying to enjoy what life is offering. I'm trying to understand my husband but then, I can do it. Just like you, I have told him about this so many times that I get pissed already every time he brings up the topic. I get irritated listening to it. He told me, however, that if I don't like it, we might as well forget about it. But, heck, he wouldn't stop talking about it. Have a great day ahead, dear.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
9 Apr 13
Unless he is really into this, I think he just want you to have your own affair to justify his own misgiving. Maybe he thinks you and him will be of equal footing if you did have that affair. I'm sure not all men are like him.