My Ex-Stepfather trying to connect after my brother's death
@ethansmom0129 (136)
United States
April 3, 2013 4:46pm CST
My 22 year old baby brother passed away a few months ago in a tragic, atv accident. We have the same mother, but not the same father. His father married my mother after she divorced my father. He was very physically abusive towards us as well as my mom, lots of drugs and alcohol. He molested my older sister, and 20 years later she still has issues from it. My mother passed away a few months before my brother. He did not have any life insurance through his employer, not expected at his age, so me and my husband paid for his funeral and burial services, which we didn't mind doing. We did invite him and allow him to be involved, because even though my brother didn't have much respect for his dad, I still feel it was appropriate for him to be there. He has never acknowledged his wrong doings during my childhood, nor has he apologized for any of it. He blames my mom if you can believe it, which she is partially responsible for keeping him around, but she didn't MAKE him do anything. Now, after the funeral he has been stopping by my house, calling to "chat" about my brother, etc.. Mind you, we NEVER spoke before, if I saw him in public we didn't even say HI. I don't feel comfortable around him. Am I wrong for not wanting a relationship, even after something so tragic has happened? I am just looking for some outside advice. Thanks.
2 people like this
4 responses
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
4 Apr 13
it depends on how you feel. maybe you need closure that only he can give you. you have been through alot by his hands. maybe you need to hear him apologize, if that's what he wants to do. that's the other thing. it depends on what he wants by contacting you. if he just wants a shoulder to cry on, i would say f%$^ him.
@scubapro (1051)
• Gifu, Japan
4 Apr 13
listen even you can give your decisions ,i just wanna give you a mature advice if you accept,
family is always family,it means ,of course we have lovely and caring friends,perfect friends also,but they can never love us like our family members,
this is how i feel.
even he made many mistakes ,just try to forget the past days and give him a last chance,because he deserves it,he deserves it but not because of his charachter,he deserves because he is your father
i wish i can give you some advice;)
happy mylotting my friend
@ethansmom0129 (136)
• United States
4 Apr 13
No, he is not my father. He is my brother's father, he was my stepfather.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
4 Apr 13
Maybe you can give him another chance. But just to be safe, never let him into your house when you are alone. And make sure that your husband is always with you when he ever asks for a coffee or dinner.
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Apr 13
If I was in your situation I would want to hear him apologize for all of the wrong he did and I would want to know why he did the things he did to your family... You might need to find these things out before you can close the door on him.
But if your not comfortable around him, which I would not blame you for than don't be around him. Tell him your busy or you just can't talk. It has to be your decision either way.
Like I said, the only thing I would want to hear from him is an apology. Once I got that I would not want anything else to do with this creep!
