Divorce your spouse....Not your KIds..........

Mexico
April 12, 2013 10:06am CST
I have a friend here in Mexico. She was married 17 years to a Dr. They had 4 kids. Last week their divorce was final. And today... she tells me she has found a new man. Problem is, the new man loves her but not the kids. She came for coffee.. and asked me. What she should do. I told her, thats easy. You take care of your kids. You divorced your husband and not your kids.
7 people like this
44 responses
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
14 Apr 13
This is actually very normal. A woman's new husband will never love the kids nearly as much as their real father. Further the kids will never love the step-father as much as their real father. If a woman does divorce her husband, the best thing she can do, is either work towards getting back with her husband, or remain single. This wacky idea that you are going to divorce, and then have this great blended family, is just not how it works. Either find a way to stay with your husband, or accept being single for the majority of your life. This is why you should be wiser, and smarter, and more intelligent in determining who you marry. ANd then learn how to influence your husband. The biggest problem with women today is none of them have a clue how to influence their husbands positively.
2 people like this
• Mexico
14 Apr 13
I hope it doesnt happen often.. these kids need their moms. I think the dad should step in and take them...
@nishant5n (1067)
• India
12 Apr 13
that the advice! He should also accept dependent children; if he loves her, he should love her in whole, with her kids. Your friend could have replied that she loves him, but not his shadow! perhaps this would have given him some light.
2 people like this
@nishant5n (1067)
• India
13 Apr 13
then your friend should arrange something for children - boarding school, hostel, separate house, adoption, alike...since she wants him too
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
I agree, but he seems to have made it clear he doesnt want kids. I would never had wanted to be with him if he did not.
@maximax8 (31055)
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 13
Hello Maria. I think that their marriage lasted for 17 years so it was quite a long time. I know that she has got divorced from her husband and the kids are hers. She should take care of her kids and if the man loves her he would want them as well. Some men happily take the roll on of step parent. The new man in her life is already being unreasonable. She is a package with four kids. Good luck to your friend.
2 people like this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
I agree, I cant believe she is already thinking of another man. Ive been divorced 2 years and havent even thought about it...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Apr 13
It is hard to find another man that will love your kids as his own. It does happen but it is not easy. As a single mother, I found after a bit of trial and error, that it was best to just date on my own time and leave my dating life completly seperate from my parenting life. My kids did meet the people I dated but nothing went on in my home, they did not spend the night. How long have they been dating? Does he at least care about the kids? Does he have kids of his own? I do think it is hard for some people to love other kids that are not their own and a lot of that depends upon the length of time that the couple is together as well as the ages of the kids. Blending families is not easy at all.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Apr 13
That is why I was asking you the questions above here. How long have they been dating? Does he at least care deeply about the kids? How old are the kids? You said that the divorce was final last week which makes it sound as if she fell in love again really quickly but I know that sometimes a divorce can just take forever to finalize. How can a woman fall in love if her kids aren't in the deal? Well, first she sees the man without involving the kids until she knows that the relationship is something that they both want for the long haul. The worst thing a single parent can do is bring different partners that come and go into the kids lives. If they are going to live together or get married then she needs to make sure that the kids are comfortable with him and that he is comfortable with them or there is probably going to be problems.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Apr 13
Just re-read through some of the other responses and got my answers. This woman is being really selfish and stupid about things. She has only dated him 4 months and he has made it clear that he does not want and does not like kids?? She thinks they are going to stay at her mom's and then just bring the kids to meet him after they are living together?? She is asking for trouble. If she thinks anything of her kids, this will never work out. Sounds like she is moving too fast and not thinking things through.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I understand that. But how can a woman fall in love if her kids arent in the deal?
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
13 Apr 13
I am with you on that. The way I look at it, he knew she had kids when they got together and I am sure the subject came up. If she knew this then she should have told him to hit the road that she will not give her kids up. That is if she loves them.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
13 Apr 13
I agree. There shouldn't have been any need for a talk if she loved her kids. If she puts him first she will be losing out on an awful lot with her kids.
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I agree.. I would never have dated him without talking about the kids..
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
Yep, I would have made things very clear from day one. It was me and my kids or no one.
• Serbia
12 Apr 13
You told her good. I mean its up to her to stay with a man that doesnt love her kids. Nobody can make him. But he has to respect them and treat them right. She can clearly state to him that if he doesnt love her children they cannot be together, but there is no way she can make him love the kids, no way.
2 people like this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
I hope I did, but seems like she has forgot about her kids. They have to come first. Every day and every second..
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 13
How can any relationship survive if your new partner doesn't love your kids? Your kids are part and parcel of your relationship, it's all or nothing, simple! You were right in what you told her, if the man don't love the kids, then adios! Find a guy who does.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
12 Apr 13
That's terrible I like your new avatar, is that your son?
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
This gal is the type that could leave kids with her mom and dad. She told me this today. Very sad. id could never do a think like that.
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
thanks, Its my older brother Luis.. He also owns a internet cafe here.
@flagella08 (5065)
• Philippines
14 Apr 13
hi there. i love your post. seemed like i can relate.lol. i have a kid too and guys are just around, hovering.lol. yet i can't risk it since i have a kid who's most important than anyone else in the world. you have a point here : You divorced your husband and not your kids.- If that new guy loves your friend the he will also love everything and everyone with her.it's a whole package, actually. PS. i saw your blog and i have some earning sites to share. just add me as friend and send PM if you're interested. thank you.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
14 Apr 13
Yes, but I bet if you want to get married you will ask new husband firs tif he wants kids... no??
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Apr 13
Exactly right
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
Its a shame Dawn. Are kids are worth more than anything in life...
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85129)
• Shingle Springs, California
12 Apr 13
She needs to make that clear to the man, the kids are in or he is OUT.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I agree, I would have done that on the first date. Not 3-4 months later...
@Rick1950 (1578)
• Lima, Peru
12 Apr 13
I think your friend should seek for a man who loves her and her kids. Love needs more than pleased moments.
1 person likes this
@nishant5n (1067)
• India
12 Apr 13
then maybe she has something in her mind for her kids
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
I agree, I told her the same thing here today. But she is thinking of the man more than her kids. Its a shame..
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
13 Apr 13
Yes, I agree with you. If that guy really loves your friend, he will manage to learn also to love her kids the same love he is having with your friend. He should accept wholeheartedly the kids and he have no choice. He loved a committed woman with kids.I think your friend has no problem. Kids are more important then her new lover.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I also blame her. She should have made sure he wanted kids before she fell in love with him. Have a great weekend there.
• India
13 Apr 13
that is too bad if new man will not accept kids.. then what she want to do with that? I mean which love she would prefer? love of a mother for kids? or love for a man who nobody knows he is really caring ones and love her truly or what ganna happen in the future? my friend's cousin married to a lady who had a kid, and was divorced. the man said to lady that I would never accept your kid and after marrying me you should not bring your kid to my home, lady thought ok, he loves me and later when I become his wife I will talk to him and catch his heart.. after marriage, she miss her kid a lot and once she bring her to home, her husband came to know and get mad and divorced her just for why she bring her daughter to his home? means you love your daughter more than me??? I think if a man love a lady really then will be caring about feeling of that lady and what a lady feeling as a mother? who wants to make distance between a mother and her kid? if there is real love and care.... it is good for her to think and accept love and responsibility of her kids first..
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
Sure is, but seems like my friend should have made sure he wanted the kids before she fell in love with him. Have a great day there.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
you are so right Maria our kids must come first they did not ask us to be brought into this world and we have to take care of them the best we can for at least 16 years they are not disposable
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
She sure will, kinda like my ex did with my son. hes all alone there now.
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
Yep, she is just like my ex. Going to choose lover over her kids. Bad idea....
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
well she will loose in the end no matter what happens I just hope that the kids will be ok and that they will never have to worry if she gives them up
1 person likes this
@Deepak2J (1178)
• India
12 Apr 13
That's good advice you gave to her. I like that YOU DIVORCED YOUR HUSBAND NOT YOUR KIDS
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
thanks, Just not sure she will listen to me. I hope she does.
@Deepak2J (1178)
• India
12 Apr 13
If she will not listens to you, than where will her kids go ?
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
Can you believe she is going to leave her kids at her moms house, for 2 months. Then see if new lover wants them. So sad..
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
12 Apr 13
I am in total agreement with you. Kids should come first. So where are her priorities? I would have told her to get rid of the new man
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
In her pants or in his I guess. My kid comes before anything else in my life..
@grvdubey11 (1879)
• India
13 Apr 13
Well when the new Lion takes over a group of Lions ,he kills cubs of other Lions ,that is act of animals.But humans have intelligence and emotions ,and to act like humans we have to follow basic rules of humanity.So your friend should make this clear to her boyfriend that kids are part of her,best wishes.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I agree with you. I guess it may be better that the dad take the kids now. Seems mom doesnt care.
• United States
12 Apr 13
I wonder why she even had to ask. The kids are a package deal. If he doesn't want my kids I won't want him. That's all there is to it.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
She said she had gone out with him 3-4 months now. You would have thought the kids would have been brought up long ago...
@robspeakman (1700)
12 Apr 13
How can folk even think this way? It baffles me and it makes me angry - Kids come first.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
Like my ex husband choosing their wife. They cant think.. Because their is nothing in the heads to let them think...
@srisahara (4508)
• Indonesia
13 Apr 13
Hi friend i agree with you, children need her caring, if she choose the man and ignore their children, one day the children will ignore her, even never recognize that she is their mother. I think it is so hurt for a mother. I think it is difficult for the man to love her children because they are not his children. It is normal.
• Mexico
13 Apr 13
I agree with you. And all her kids are so nice. Cant understand any woman wanting a man over her kids...
• Philippines
12 Apr 13
marriage is a serious matter as well as divorce. if talk can help them to reach out ,they should do it , because divorce can affect their children.
1 person likes this
• Mexico
12 Apr 13
She would not listen to me.. she is only thinking in that man. Not in her kids at all. Very sad !!