hiding inside myself

@cherigucchi (14885)
Philippines
April 16, 2013 5:49am CST
have you ever experienced a time when you feel like there is no one understands you but only you? It feels like things are starting to break into pieces everytime you try to open up with someone or bare your soul to anyone that you only contend yourself with hiding all those feelings inside you. I am not a very open person when it comes to my personal feelings. i usually hide what i actually feel because I feel that it is not that important to anyone. I have been a shock absorber of some of my friends. They see me as a very strong person who barely cries or upsets by anyone or anything. They usually find a shoulder to cry on in me or a hero that saves them from distress. Sometimes I would like them to look me in the eye and ask me how I do really feel...it's like I am always being involved with someone else's drama but never get in touch with the real drama of my own life... Are you also like this?
2 people like this
12 responses
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
Okay, I will be frank. If you want people to understand you, you have to open up and not wait for them to ask you how you feel. You are entitled to share your thoughts and emotions as long as the time is appropriate and people are willing to listen. people are mostly self-absorbed that they often won't notice you or even care to know your feelings. So don't expect that they will understand you. Only you can do something about it. Talk about your feelings, even when people are not listening or don't want to listen. A good friend will be willing to listen. Strength is not about bottling all those feelings up and not letting them out. it's unhealthy and it's one of the most annoying misconceptions ever in friendship. A person who opens up without fearing judgment and being completely honest it a strong person. Figure out what is keeping you from opening up and eliminate that factor. Also, if you ever want to let those feelings out, write about them on your laptop, on a piece of paper or share it on mylot. (trust me, this works) And if that's not enough, you have me here to listen. I'm rather frank and my words can hurt, but I will do that not to comfort you but to make you a stronger person. (plus I'm evil )
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Well, i thought you wanted someone to totally understand you so if you can find someone who has gone through the same ordeal, you might be more open to them. Someone who can sympathize or listen at least is good too. Okay then, since you are not into opening up and being the center of attention, you don't have to force yourself in that position.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Thanks for those sincere thoughts you shared. I can be frank to if I want to but it is not just my cup of tea to spit out everything that is inside. I have few people I share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings and it is never in my vocabulary to be understood or not. Understanding comes from knowing that you really have to go through what one is actually experiencing. We can be sympathetic but not to the extent that you need to get through what others do just to reach that total understanding. I find myself very strong because even if I am not that too open, writing seems to be a good friend all these years. I also have lots of friends who happen to be a strong support system in weathering the storms in my life. It is just may be in my character that I feel uncomfortable being the center of the drama with my friends. i'd rather listen to them and comfort them than burdening them with my own. I am fond of talking about happy things and good memories with them and enjoy the rest of the hours.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Thanks Aja. May be soon, I will.
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
16 Apr 13
That is the way I am 90% of the time. I just keep things to me and go on with my life. This so reminds me of when I would call mom and she would talk about all the other kids but never asked how I was doing. She used to tell everyone that I was her strong one so I guess I had to live up to it. Seems like I carried it on through my life. I was with a guy for almost two years and there is so much about me that he never knew. It was always about him.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
Same with me...is it a blessing or a curse? hahaha...I have so many close friends and I am even close to my other siblings but none of them really know the real me.
@velvet53 (22528)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Apr 13
Just wait until they read the book we write about ourselves :) I think it would be fun to write one and see the looks when people read it.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
That is one of my cherished dreams...writing a book of my life! Good luck to both of us then!
@Paper_Doll (2373)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
I really hope we're working in the same office so I could listen to you. I have a colleague who often tells his problems, even if it is just a simple one. If I have knowledge about it, or I know I could give a good advice, I speak but if I think that it is something that I have no knowledge about, I just listen. Normally, if I have this huge bag in my chest, I tell my friends about it. Well, many of my close friends were living far from my place so we just talk about everything over the phone or online. But it really helps. I hope you have someone whom you can share your thoughts. Someone who is willing to listen. Well, we're actually here to hear you. You can share us what's bothering you.
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
You are very much welcome. Well, I heard that most men have this kind of nature. They usually do not speak of what's bothering them and just keep everything inside. That is why they are more prone to heart attack They think crying is not for them but actually crying could really help to ease that pain in our hearts. So I really hope that if you have this feeling that the bag is just too heavy for you to carry, you will find this one person you are comfortable with to share your thoughts.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Thanks paper-Doll for that heartwarming invitation. It somehow lifts my spirits to another level knowing I can find a kind heart from a total stranger. I guess it is not really in my character to be that open even to those closest to me. There are just moments when I feel that I need to unload a lot of things but it seems like the mind is willing but the physical self is weak...I wish I could get out to this kind of chain that I, myself put around my neck... Thanks again.
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
Most of the times, I'm like this, I usually keep feelings on myself, especially problems.I usually hide it from my family to protect their feelings.If have problems, I usually share it to my close friends which I only have a few,and I can't even go into details.It's not that I don't trust them,maybe I'm not just that open.The irony is I'm even comfortable to share my thoughts to strangers,and Mylot has been a therapy for me.Well, maybe Mylot community is just more open minded that the environment around us,plus the excitement of having different opinions from people of different backgrounds.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Hello! That is one of the few reasons why i also not share myself to everyone especially my family. I do not want them to worry much about me because they have their own life to focus on. Here in myLot, I try to be more a little open maybe because of the reason that I feel somewhat comforted with opinions and concern that my friends here are sharing every time I post discussions like this one.
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
I have learned to figure things out on my own because most of the time people don't understand me. Since it's only me who understands myself I learned to be self-reliant nowadays not being so dependent on others for comfort and inspiration. I want to discuss some issues and problems but no one seem ready to listen. You obviously have some problems but no one would dare talk to you, you would even be insulted or ridiculed if you look down and depress. I learned to cheer myself up nowadays on my own.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Surely we are both good at licking our own wounds in the process and of course I do not mind doing that most of the time.
• China
17 Apr 13
i will hide my true feelings when i realize my true feeling might hurt the others.Sometimes we hide ourselves not because no one understand us,it is our nature.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
I also have that same kind of reasons for not telling anyone how i feel. Thanks for your response.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
16 Apr 13
I think most probably it do happens in everyone's life that people does not understand them. I think most probably one should forget about it and most probably try to carry on with the life. I think most probably you should not try to stress yourself too much in your life.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Hi. Thanks for your response. I have few ways of not stressing myself that much. I do not actually have to because I am fine keeping things for myself most of the times.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
16 Apr 13
Hi cherigucchi, I think that I may be something like you but there are a few people that I can be open with. I have a brother to whom I can tell my inmost feelings. In most cases though I am the one that others come too. The strange thing is that I seem to be able to help others but not myself. Many have told me that I have helped them and I am humbled by that but I have often wondered why I could not help myself. Blessings.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Hi! I have a lot of friends whom I tell some of my drama but there is really no one in particular whom I share every thing. Like you I am better helping others rather than helping myself because I just do not like to be the center of other people's worries and concern.
@Djbrat (333)
• United States
16 Apr 13
I'm a very emotional person, I can be there for my friends and family, but can't really shut off my feelings. If they are crying, I cry with them. I do my best to comfort them by feeling their emotions and giving support. So, to answer your question, no I can't absorb everyone's drama without feeling it myself, but happy to give my support when it's needed.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
Hi! I am also a cry baby when listening to some of my friends' drama. And mostly I do not share my own drama but if I did in some certain occasion, i make it appear that it is something that should not be taken in seriously.
• Philippines
16 Apr 13
I am like you. I never liked to talk about myself. I always throw back the question to a person asking me of how I am. It just does not feel right that I talk about myself. I opened up once to a not so close friend and she was so surprised how open and how colorful my background was. She said, I could attract people more and gain more friends if I was more open. My director also asked me once if I was with someone at the moment. But I just know that I am better off when I am alone solving my problems inside the four walls of my room. I had so many friends in the past. My x always got jealous coz I seemed to be too close to everyone. I indeed attracted too many people then but I could only say that I had 2 real best friends plus of course her who was both a lover and a best pal. You might need someone who just could say the right words to calm you down. That could come from one of your family members or from one of your friends. There must be that specific person in that circle that is able to define you somehow. It is not that you need to open up entirely but at least be able to listen to what he or she says coz he or she has your respect.:)
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
I am open myself up to few random people sometimes but i never really have anyone who knows everything I am dealing with. It is just I am not so comfortable doing that. I guess proper timing also is important. When you feel like baring it all, no one seems to be available and when you have already feel that you're fine...someone is there already to listen. Ironical isn't it?
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
19 Apr 13
I think it's normal you know yourself the best. I also don't see the need anymore to prove to others I am not the one they think I am. I am me and I am happy I am. I feel great if I am alone and can do what I like most. Something wrong with that? I am not hinding myself anymore btw, I also don't see the need for that. The good news is since I do so I only meet people who do respect me for who I am.
@Deepak2J (1178)
• India
16 Apr 13
Yes. Many times. In those situations, whenever i an alone in home, I just goes in front of God and tell them and cries whenever necessary. when someone COMES I JUST SHOWS-OFF AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
This is one way of healing ourselves inside if we are actually wounded. It does not necessarily follow that we should let other people know of what's going on especially if we have doubts in sharing people what we feel.