Why is saying the word "NO"to someone so difficult?how do you say it?

India
April 21, 2013 3:15am CST
Many many times i have come across situations where i have not been able to say No to people and have had to do things i did not wish to. Its so difficult to say no especially when the people are your friends or relatives, then you end up suffocating yourself and getting pissed off. How do you say no in a polite but not selfish way?
16 responses
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
I also have trouble saying no a lot of times, but it also depends on the situation. If the person I'm saying no to is someone I am close to and I'm sure wouldn't mind, saying no is simple. I remember we had an entire lesson in writing class last semester dedicated to saying "no". In the business letter writing context, that is. I forgot the steps, but I think first you have to compliment the person or something like that. Then, I think you have to explain the reason and say no without emphasizing it too much (we were even taught to put the "no" part in subordinate clause so that the impact on the receiver is less). And then you have to suggest an alternative, if you can. That's where "maybe next time" comes in. It was one of my favorite lessons. It made saying no a little but fun...hehe...I think we can also use that in the personal context. Want me to give an example? Just kidding...
@tinayu (214)
• China
22 Apr 13
i have same situation with you.i can't say No to my friends or anyone who asks something to me.if i promise these people,i will do my best to fulfill them.these conditions sometimes trouble me.i know it is not advisable.but i don't know how to reject them politely.finally i decide to reject them directly.although it is impolite,it is effective.
@yanzalong (18981)
• Indonesia
22 Apr 13
No answer is negative to to the person involved. So, it is better to say "yes" than "no" to simply avoid him or her being frustrated. I remember my daughter asking me question if what she did was great. It was in fact very bad but I didn't tell her the truth about it. Saying "yes" in fact helped her to be more optimistic.
@pals101 (2010)
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
It really is not good to just say "YES" always, you should learn to say "NO" especially if you are fully loaded on the things you want or need to do. The best way to say "NO" is saying it with pure intention and saying it calmly. Just be honest on what you say. and explain briefly why you can't do this or do that.
• Pakistan
22 Apr 13
yes this is very difficult to say no but it take in mind that we if capable of doing best think then we must give our best advice to our relative to do this one it is the matter of approaches not the politness because many people doe not understand the sense of politness
• India
22 Apr 13
It is tough saying no because we are very concerned about what the person will feel and that is good in a way but what if the thing which requires our assistance is out of our reach and comfort? Some people would still go out of their way for that matter. If you really can't do something for a person who matters to you then turn it down kindly. Say that you are sorry and you cannot help him/her with that thing. If you have a valid reason then let the person know. It is important to be honest with that person.
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
21 Apr 13
It all depends upon the situation. If somebody is asking for some favour and you just can not do him a favour it is better to convey him - "Look! It is not possible, I can only try or can make my sincere efforts to get it done". Keeping someone in dark could be more harmful than straightway saying 'No'. If you want to say NO for something to a freind/relative, you could simply give a negative reply. Its impact may be a bit shocking for the other party but gradually he will come to terms. Making false promises could be more troublesome.
@artemeis (4194)
• China
22 Apr 13
Like one of my numerous shopping trips with my girlfriends, we could really shop. From the opening hours to the closing, we would be scouring the entire store throughout for our whims and fancies. We could never seem to stop or like the song - "Nothing can stop us now", that's how our shopping spree can be. However, I just couldn't stretch it when it comes to lunch time where for one, I need to have something and the other I do not want to have another gastric attack. So, you can find me putting my foot down despite my girlfriends' protests but no matter how strongly against, they would unwillingly follow me. Surprisingly, still their most wanted companion for these sprees. I am guessing that find my irritation welcoming as I can see them wriggling their toes shoeless under the table and gorge down their meal. So as you can see, when you do not set your foot down to be different and say no, you will just be like my girlfriends who badly needs to rest their sore feet, hunger and get another gastric attack as a consequence when neither one of them wants to say what they need to say no more, enough, stop or a simple no. I know what it is like to go with the flow but believe me, the earth does not stop its revolutions when we say no especially when it is for our own good.
• Philippines
22 Apr 13
We can't really please everyone, so if I feel not doing something, I just tell them in their face. They will get upset, but it's better than I am the one upset.
@HeartROB (434)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
Well maybe you are so good my friend and you are consciencious that is why it is hard for you to say no. Try to weigh things properly before you answer my friend. If it is good for you or you will feel good after what you have decided. Don't be so consciencious my friend. It is not selfish if you think for yourself sometimes. It is more selfish if you are not giving yourself a break. Love yourself my friend!
@cttolledo (5459)
• Legaspi, Philippines
21 Apr 13
I am strightforward type of person.. I'm so frank according to them.. I can't say no and yes outright without any conditions..., but it doesn't work at all when it comes to own family especially my nieces and nephews... when they asked me something I can't say no.. it's really hard to say no to the kids..
• India
21 Apr 13
Yes it's really difficult to say no sometimes... We should say it indirectly if we are unable to say directly...
@Deepak2J (1178)
• India
21 Apr 13
Its hard to say. But sometimes it is necessary to say. Generally I never says no to friends and relatives. I just always do. However if extremely necessary, I just says no, maybe they get a bad feeling. But there is no other way, I think
@cyjh21 (160)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
We were same before... I was like that and it was really hard for me turning down requests and favors asked by different kinds of people. My close friends usually told me then that I was so kind to the point that it was being a negative trait and I allowed other people to manipulate me or take me for granted. After all, those people that took me a hard time to say "no" to were not even concern and genuine to me,, well, after some time, i learned to say "no".. Not that often though.. Maybe if i can't really do.. I turn down their request (i feel guilty afterwards.. Hoho) You can learn it after sometime.. It's just a matter of thinking and confidence, I guess. :)
@GreenMoo (11834)
21 Apr 13
If you can't say No outright, how about being non-committal to give yourself breathing space. How about 'I'll have to check my diary' or ' I#ll get back to you'?
@Ashokraj (107)
• India
21 Apr 13
When somebody asks you to do something, thing a little time and start talking about your situation and inability and finish with apology and say no. Or you can start with apology. I can explain my situation when somebody asks me to do something and say no. But if they ask me to give something, i can't say no. I'll give whatever he asks