Is it possible for ex-lovers to become friends again?
By cyjh21
@cyjh21 (160)
Philippines
April 25, 2013 2:25am CST
I had a boyfriend and it's been 2 years now.
I have my own life now (though still single.. hihi) and he has his own. He already has someone special (and she's someone close to me before) but their relationship is not yet official. At first, it was really painful to see them together but I'm getting used to it now, I guess. I think I've already moved on.
Well, it's just that he's my churchmate and we were both youth leaders before (yeah, it's all in the past because almost a year ago when I needed to get a work far from the church and just attend Sunday Services every Sunday.) He was my mentor and I still respect him deeply until now. He was my adviser and we were really close before we had something mutual (though it's just for a month because he was still studying that time.)
Now, I can still see him every Sunday and sometimes, we are given chances to work together when there are church activities. I really miss being friends and having a good time with him. But I guess, It will never be the same again. He never talks to me (well unless, we need to talk about something special-church activity matter).
Is it really impossible for us to be friends again as before?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
25 Apr 13
well it depends on you and your bf... if there was nothing that much serious to hurt or if were and both forgive and pass, then why not.. ? it is possible..
1 person likes this
@biach17 (196)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
I guess it depends on how you have broke up or how deep the hurt both of you experienced.
If u want to be friend with him, i guess there will be an invisible line of boundaries. And there are too many factors to consider. Like is it cool for his Gf to still be near you or for you to be friends? Or Is it good for you too still be near him, though you are saying you already moved on. DOes it make it harder to really forget? or what your ex bf will get the wrong idea of you getting close to him again as a friend...
though time will will say it all. All you need is go with the flow of life until then ..you will eventually what your answer. stay on your sunday services.
@cyjh21 (160)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Actually, he's one of the reasons why I left my country house and chose to work far from there. I was deeply hurt that time.
However, the few days I became active in the church again, we talked, we threw some jokes... but it all stopped. I mean it's almost a year since we last laughed with each other...
I just miss him being my friend and my mentor (really without any other feelings involved).
Thanks for your advice anyway... I appreciate it so much. ^^
1 person likes this
@annierose (19102)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
As of now, perhaps you haven't moved on really because you still feel something in you. You cannot say to yourself that you already freed the feelings of bitterness in your heart. When I broke up with my ex, it took me years until I finally accepted that we are not meant for each other. Few months before our break up, I kept on telling myself that I had moved on but no, I had proven its just mere empty words.
I know that time can heal all wounds if you let it do it for you. Keep on praying all the heart aches that life had given you. I believe that people come to us for many reasons. Some come to teach us lesson and some do come to be with us forever.
@cyjh21 (160)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
actually its been two years as I've said.. and I am not okay seeing them together. I guess I already accepted the fact that we are not meant for each other. In fact, I can say that acceptance is the best way to move on.. :)
well, i just really miss us being friends and him being my mentor.. He used to be a very close friend to me before everything happened.. hihi! there are sometimes to be honest that I hope to turn back time, and if I could turn back time, I would choose to be just friends with him..
The damage has been done, anyway. Haha! :)
Thanks for your comment.~~^^
@Bhebelen14 (5194)
• Philippines
25 Apr 13
I think if both of you are willing to be friends again and if it's fine with you present partner then there's nothing wrong with it although there are some changes and limitations of course. You should evaluate your feelings first if it's really friendship or not so that you will not get hurt in the end. It really hard to forget the feeling with someone who really respect and served as your mentor.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
If he is already in a relationship while you are not and being friends with you again would cause conflict in his present relationship, i think it is not that possible for you to become friends again. Another thing is that it also depends on what caused your separation.
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
Believe me, when you become close there will always a time when you are going to talk about what might have been...
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
25 Apr 13
I think most probably it is possible for two people to become good friends. I think most probably even if it is ex lovers they can become good friends. I think it is always good to have good friends with each other.
@williamjisir (22819)
• China
1 May 13
It might be possible, but the gap needs to be narrowed and modified. Otherwise it is hard to become friends again. If you are interested to become friends again, why not talk to him in a straight way to make it easier? Maybe he also wants be your friend again?
@lampar (7584)
• United States
25 Apr 13
Well , it is possible if he is a matured person. If he is in the stage of growing up and behave childish, then it is not possible for both of you to become friend again after broken up as lover. He may not want to speak to you again for the reason that he doesn't want you as his normal friend except as a lover, so that you can serve him forever and belong to him only. He only expect you get to know one man only in your entire life, and not few or many. Some men are very selfish in term of relationship . 
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
26 Apr 13
Why not? Unless you parted ways having a heavy heart, then maybe it isn't that easy. But, just let things run its own course. Maybe he is also thinking that you are not open to the idea of being friends again after splitting up.
@cyjh21 (160)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
hmmm.. actually last time, he told our common friend that he's really shy to me..
he said that eventhough he did that kind of thing, I didn't any hint of bitterness and still nice to him..
I don't know if that's the reason why he's not talking to me..
I just wanna be friends again because he is one of my dearest friends that I treasure..
@cgalavia (1436)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
My answer is simply Y-E-S.Why not?It's very possible to be friends again.For me, becoming friends after a failed relationship is difficult only for a while but soon we have release the remaining hatred in our heart, the hard feelings and able to overcome sadness, everything will be fine.It may be hard at first but that's the way it will be.We just need to learn to forgive and be patient because as the Scripture says,There is time for everything(Ecclesiastes 3:1-8).In fact,I also experienced a failed relationship, I madly in love with him at that time but at the end we end up of breaking up.Yes, It really hurts that made me cry all night why we fall into a broken relationship but of course we should accept the reality.Now,He is very happy with her relationship and still we remain friends. A good friends indeed.We still communicate and had a short conversation everyday through chatting.I just hope you became friends with your ex lovers soon.
