Audio play script - Deity Of The Day 6 - The Phoenician Egg

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Deity Of The Day 6 - The Phoenician Egg This is one of a series of short audio interviews I create between a TV presenter and gods of World mythologies. I hope to get these recorded as a series some time. Deity Of The Day 6 - The Phoenician Egg Scene: 1 - TV studio with a live audience where Jack Luckhold interviews the Phoenician God, Egg Jack's signature tune. ANNOUNCER How do you like your eggs folks? scrambled, Benedict or over-easy? our host, Jack Luckhold seems to prefer his sitting up and talking to him. No, he's not found Humpty Dumpty, but the Phoenician God called Egg.This might just be the strangest interview he's conducted yet. Over to you Jack. SOUND: audience applause JACK Thanks everyone. Well, as you just heard, tonight on Deity Of The Day I am interviewng a real life talking egg. No, I'm not yolking, and let's get all the egg-stravaganza, how egg-citing, style gags out of the way here, because my guest is a God, the Phoenician God of unrealized expectations and hopes. How are you Egg? EGG Oh, I'm fine, Jack, thanks. JACK You know, I have had some strange gods on the show, but you are the first one not to look human at all. Tell me about yourself. EGG Not much to tell, Jack. As you can see, I'm not yet hatched. JACK There are a few hairline cracks in your shell casing. When are you due to break out? EGG No one will know until I do, that is the beauty of what I represent - unfulfilled potential. I might be beautiful or ugly. I might save the World or destroy it. I might be humanoid, or a serpent. Who knows? JACK Surely you know what you are yourself? EGG Not really. It's pretty dark in here. JACK Who laid you? EGG Did anyone lay me? maybe the egg came before the chicken ... figuratively speaking of course. I am probably not a chicken. JACK You are a bit big to be a chicken egg. You are bigger than any ostrich egg I ever saw. Are you alright balanced on the chair like that? EGG I'm fine, thank you. JACK How did you get here? EGG I rolled. I guess you heard of an egg-roll before? Thanks to your stage hands for lifting me onto the chair. Appreciated guys. JACK You rolled across the entire Pacific ocean to reach the studio? That must have taken a long time. EGG I'm immortal. I have no reason to hurry. I set off long before you were born or television was invented, Jack. JACK So who are you, really? What are you the god of? EGG I represent everything not yet known. I am the answers to your unanswered questions, the solutions to the great mysteries. I am surprise, shock and solutions. To some, my answers will be a bitter disappointment. Others will be satisfied. JACK Has anyone ever tried to break into your shell to find out what you are? EGG Oh yes, and they are instantly reduced to ash if they dare to try. I will hatch when I am ready, and not before. JACK Do people pray to you? EGG Less than they used to, given the new gods that have monopolised the World and the idiots who don't believe I'm real. People pin hopes on me for answers to everything from whether they will reside in Paradise to whether the truth about their night out with that young debutante will make the papers tomorrow. JACK Well moving swiftly on,do you know at least if you are male or female? EGG Wait until I hatch and see. JACK Mothers can get a scan now to see if their child will be male or female. Have you ever thought of getting a scan or an X-Ray? EGG I bet you read the last chapter of a whodunnit before reading the other chapters too, don't you Jack. Why spoil the surprise? Why not enjoy the mystery a little longer? I'll hatch in my own time, regardless of everyone trying to find ways to speed me up or crack into me. The one thing you can guarentee is inside me is patience. Sadly, many of my subjects lack it. I guess you were hoping I'd open up right here on the air, but no. You'll just have to wait a little longer, humanity. JACK We could be dead before your hatching day, Egg. EGG Yes, you could, but that's life, Jack. Most people die with questions unanswered, and a few chapters of their novels unread or unfinished. Hell, even Dickens left a book incomplete when he went.You may or may not be here or brought back to see what emerges from me. That's for time to tell. JACK I'm still trying to get a time-God to come on the show. Old Father Time and Chronos are busy. EGG Maybe they just don't have much time on their hands Jack. JACK Sadly, neither do we. That's the end of the show for tonight. Normally, I would invite my guests to dinner, but you don't have a mouth or a face at all sadly. EGG That's alright, and do try the caviar fish eggs. I hear they are delicious. JACK Goodnight folks. See you next time. SOUND; AUDIENCE APPLAUSE - THEME TUNE EGG Could someone help me get off this chair please? Please keep in mind that i'm feeling rather fragile. I'm not hard boiled. SOUND: people leaving, studio lights being switched off. EGG Hello, hello. I'm still here guys.... Arthur Chappell