Donnie Darko comedy sketch

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Tonight at Manchester's 3MT I am taking part in a monthly movie based comedy cabaret and the movie chosen for the sketches is Donnie Darko. A great film, and this is my material inspired by it. Let’s be Frank, or perhaps I’d best be Donnie. This sketch will end in no years, no months, no weeks, no days, no hours, three minutes and twelve seconds. They say I’m crazy because I talk to a giant rabbit called Frank, but round here everyone talks to rabbits. That nice old guy over the road has a rabbit friend called Harvey, and Elmer Fudd talks to a duck as well as a rabbit. OK, he keeps trying to shoot them, but they have actual conversations. OK, I’m on edge but I was almost hit by a falling jet engine from the future, or possibly from the past, and now I have to save the World. I’m a god-dammed superhero. I even have the double initials for it, like Daredevil, or Doctor Doom. Oh, wasn’t he one of the bad guys? I’m definitely good, or I’d be flooding schools, smashing statues with an axe and committing arson. All this Doctor Who timey-wimey, curley wurly, wibbly wobbly, humpty dumpty stuff is twisting my mind. It’s probably my punishment for dissing the smurfs. Patrick Swayze is a pedo but everyone likes him so much after Dirty Dancing, but I dissed the Smurfs. You should like me too, my initials are DD, the same as in Dirty Dancing, though my dancing is more like scruffy shuffling. Have you seen time itself? I have. It’s a liquid blob like the aliens in James Cameron’s The Abyss made in 1989, a year after I save the World at Halloween in 1988. Hell, maybe I can time travel after all. I can’t wait to tell Frank about this after his date with Alex Forest, while I have my own fatal attraction coming up with a jet engine. You have to laugh don’t you. It’s such a Mad World, a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, but that’s a different movie entirely where they find me safe and well under a big W – a better ending than you’ll get if I don’t change things because they’ll make a sequel called S Darko, and Frankly, you’d be better off being hit by a plan and your world ending than seeing that. Now I have to be off – I have a plane to catch, or does it have to catch me? Arthur Chappell