Why I don't like Facebook
By Robin Lamb
@troyburns (1405)
New Zealand
November 26, 2015 3:51pm CST
I'm a terrible Facebook friend. I drop by once a week and scan the latest offerings, occasionally clicking the like button as I go. But I don't spend much time on the site and although I've been known to share a news item or YouTube clip, I rarely post anything about myself. Truth be told, I find Facebook rather depressing.
For starters, about 95 percent of my friends there live a zillion miles away, the majority in other countries, and I miss a few of them greatly. Because I haven't seen some of these people since we were schoolkids or uni students together, I'm acutely aware of how much they, and I, have aged. Part of me wants to remember them as they were, and not as we are now.
It's also distressing that almost everyone seems to have a more interesting, active and successful life than me. I really don't have anything to offer that can rival the output of marathon runners, published writers, millionaires, social butterflies and international travelers. On the plus side, I do know some fascinating people.
Third, I find Facebook damnably dishonest. It's not a place to disagree with anyone, as I've found to my regret a couple of times. Sure, you're communicating with friends who should be most likely to offer their honest opinions, but Facebook is a very public forum and no-one likes it when you start an argument in public. And so you get shares which beg for discussion but draw only consent.
Thank goodness for places like MyLot, eh, where relationships are defined only by what we do here and no-one gets upset when you disagree with them...
20 people like this
20 responses
@boiboing (13147)
• Northampton, England
27 Nov 15
@troyburns see that's where I have a problem. They are entitled to their opinion but so am I and if it's particularly offensive to what I believe, I have not been bought up to hold my tongue.
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@boiboing - Oh, I agree, but my point is that arguing on Facebook isn't like arguing face to face. I've lost two friends already by speaking my mind online and I'd like to hang on to the few I have left! I don't care if you disagree with me anywhere, but from experience, an awful lot of people do regard any disagreement on Facebook as a public humiliation of their core values.
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@boiboing - I just turn a blind eye and move on. Everyone is entitled to their opinion (on Facebook) without me being a fly in their ointment.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
27 Nov 15
@troyburns Not really . Except for FB i want to be private . I don't entertain friend requests from other people i don't personally know.
3 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@SIMPLYD - Are you a private person? Despite what I've said above, I still prefer reading about what others have been doing to posting something about my own life.
4 people like this
@Rollo1 (16676)
• Boston, Massachusetts
27 Nov 15
One of the studies on Facebook says that it does tend to make people either exaggerate in order to seem active, interesting and happy, or it makes them depressed that everyone else is so active, interesting and happy and they are not. Basically, it says that using Facebook makes you sad. But that's because they are doing it all wrong. I use Facebook to make people mad, not sad. Yes, I am the one who posts all those inflammatory things that get tons of people publicly hating one me. I love it. It's better than a shot of adrenaline.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16676)
• Boston, Massachusetts
28 Nov 15
@troyburns The only person that I ever unfriended - who wasn't a real friend, btw, just someone who was a game friend - was someone who never discussed the points in my posts, she simply called me terrible names and insulted me. And still, I put up with that for the longest time in order to give her an opportunity to actually say something relevant to the topic. I am so patient with people who hate me, it's amazing. There are those who simply block anyone who disagrees and there are posts I just don't bother commenting on, because I know that it will become a knock-down drag-out brawl. But I really love people who don't mind that kind of lively debate without rancor.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@Rollo1 - Can we be Facebook friends then? I suspect there may be one or two things we disagree about :) I am surprised you get hating though - in my circle, it's just not the done thing to argue a point with anyone unless you want to get blocked, so everyone is nice to each other, no matter what.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
27 Nov 15
Facebook is useless. It has become a venue for people who like to boast about what they have, what they can afford and how beautiful they look like. It is also a venue for people who likes to say bad things to each other. It is not my kind of thing. I go there only to send private message to my relatives and real friends.
2 people like this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
28 Nov 15
@troyburns Yes small circle only, those of real close friends and relatives only. I made the mistakes of adding many friends who are just acquaintances and so I have to unfollow one by one because they post nothing but vain things.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@salonga - It does seem as though most folks here do find it useful for staying in touch with close friends and family - maybe it's best to have a small circle of Facebook contacts.
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (44941)
• Preston, England
27 Nov 15
Overall I enjoy Facebook as it does keep me up to date on friend's activities and the events invitations system is very good
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@arthurchappell - I know loads of people who love Facebook (My wife is one.) Not everyone is as much of a grouch as me, obviously.
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12069)
• United States
27 Nov 15
I keep my Facebook list to immediate family and very close friends only. This elimages much of what you mentioned.
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@ElizabethWallace - Smart move. My list would be very short indeed if I stuck to those people.
2 people like this
@ElizabethWallace (12069)
• United States
27 Nov 15
@troyburns I just use it to keep up with family photos and activities.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
27 Nov 15
lol That is optomistic, (no one disagreeing with you). I am a terrible Facebook friend as well. As a matter of fact I may not even friend you, I am not interested in big numbers of friends. lol And yes how does everyone have such a more exciting life than I have. Indeed thank goodness for MyLot. haha
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
28 Nov 15
@troyburns oh not sarcastic at all (if you meant me) I am boring as all get go lol. I hope you didn't take the not friending personally, I was using the you meaning the whole world. I am just a terrible Facebooker, I hate it when people tell me to like their posts!! What if I don't really like them. And all those food pictures, I already think of food 24/7 do I need to see it in every other post!! haha
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@BelleStarr - Just a tad sarcastic, do you think? It does seem like everyone's life is more exciting than your own when you read Facebook - though in my case it's probably true.
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@valmnz - You are my Facebook friend! I kept up to date with your Aussie cruise (I think?) and other adventures when I left Bubblews, but I don't need to do that now. I laughed at that comment about your son - surprise is usually how I feel when I see what my darling daughter has been doing.
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@jaboUK - It's still the easiest way for me to find out what my sister and daughter have been up to, so it does serve that purpose for me. I suppose without Facebook I would lose touch with quite a few people who were close friends in the past.
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
29 Nov 15
I've been a facebook member for many years but it is only the past year that I have been getting more 'involved' there--seems every time a site closes down you can find 'your people' there! :O)
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
29 Nov 15
@GreatMartin - That's one of FB's great strengths. Its membership is so vast that it's always a good way to track down long lost buddies.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@Inlemay - It sounds like you're as much of a low-profile Facebooker as I am. I like to know that my friends are safe and well,but that's about it.
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@Gr8bit - I have a Facebook friend called Martin Peters who I went to school with at Blackhall Colliery. It's not you, is it?
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
26 Nov 15
I think most people here are more honest with their opinions than on Facebook, because we're not as familiar with each other. And as long as we're polite about it, there shouldn't be any strife.
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@aarifa - I do know some people who spend hours on Facebook every day - that does seem like a waste of time to me. There are plenty of people who do that here too, but at least we are meeting new friends on myLot
1 person likes this
@suziecat7 (3349)
• Asheville, North Carolina
27 Nov 15
I enjoy Facebook. It's a great place to goof around. I steer clear of inflammatory posts and ignore petty ones. But overall it's one of my favorite places to socialize and get a laugh or two.
1 person likes this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@suziecat7 - It can be good for a laugh - always interesting to see the clips or cartoons that my friends share.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@amadeo - Do you sometimes get shocked by what your kids are posting? I sometimes forget that my little girl is actually a young woman - until I see what she's been up to.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16568)
• Ireland
27 Nov 15
I log in Facebook only to check messages from friends. I use it more like a chat tool these days. I don't share anything on it ever. It feels way to public for anything serious.
I also don't fancy looking at baby photos or wedding photos, or coos from happy couples..
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
28 Nov 15
I joined FB just to keep in touch with my kids. Then my siblings, then my nieces, and now a few friends. I also like their games, my sister and I play scrabble there every day. I have lost some love with friends that make me angry with their written attitudes, I've removed some young people who can't post a photo without a drink in their hand as they tell you about their latest DWI, I want peace and love on FB, not swearing, bad attitudes and for heavens sake, no politics.
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
27 Nov 15
@Auntylou - Despite everything mean I've said about Facebook, I do wish my mother would join up so she could see and hear about my young lad more often. But I'm afraid she's one of those old-fashioned technophobes.
1 person likes this
