Will the defending ever end?
By mommaj
@mommaj (23112)
United States
December 15, 2015 7:16pm CST
My son is classical autistic. The worst on the spectrum. I'm extremely thankful though because he doesn't have health issues and is not sickly. He doesn't hurt himself or others and in fact is protective. He has many o.c.d.s. I never really knew about ocd until my son started exhibiting signs. His father's side of the family has them so I think it is inherited. However, the other night my son put a pizza box in the trash because that was where the other one was. The bad news, there was still pizza in the box. I usually have to defend my son to strangers. When I have to defend him to his own father it is time for "dad" to get the heck away from us. I can't believe he would put his own son down especially when he is exhibiting a characteristic trait of his side of the family. I'm not being mean about the ocd I am saying I shouldn't have to explain it to my son's father. GRRR
5 people like this
7 responses
@inertia4 (27978)
• United States
16 Dec 15
I know some things about autism. But From what I understand, depending on the severity, it is not an easy thing to deal with on a daily basis. The upside to this is that those children are extremely intelligent. Probably more than we are. All I can say is that my son was diagnosed with tourettes and I learned a lot about that. Although his case was very mild, he had way too much energy as a young child. Always challenged everything. But some kids are overactive. As he got older it got better. His small mild ticks lessoned and now you couldn't even tell. I was told by the doctor that tourettes and autism are somewhat related to one another. Which is scary in itself. His father really needs to be more understanding of him. My evil ex was not very pleased with my son with that diagnosis. I always took the extra time for him, but she always argued with me over it. Well, that is all in the past now. Stay close to your son, learn as much as you can and take the time needed with him. They do respond to love and kindness. Believe me.
2 people like this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
16 Dec 15
How true! He is ten now and still doesn't talk, but he responds to emotions and that is supposedly rare for autism. Most never learn facial cues. He has. He can figure out how to take pictures on any electronical device capable of doing it. I love him so much and I hate trying to explain away his actions that don't conform to what others feel is normal. Some people just have no understanding for anyone but themself.
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27978)
• United States
16 Dec 15
@mommaj I know. Most people don't know anything about that. That is the sad part really. But you cannot argue with ignorance. You would think that just saying that your son is autistic would be enough. I wish you all the luck with your son and I know he will thrive, you seem to care more than anything.
2 people like this
@allknowing (153544)
• India
18 Dec 15
'Dad' should know by now that what his son does has to be handled with caution.
1 person likes this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
18 Dec 15
@allknowing that sounds like a great idea to me. lol
1 person likes this
@allknowing (153544)
• India
18 Dec 15
@mommaj May be 'Dad' needs handling too (lol)
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14994)
• Malaysia
17 Dec 15
Sorry to hear that. It's sad for a kid to get that from his own dad. NO kid deserves that!
Would it be possible to get some professionals explain that to your ex-husband so he understands better and learns how to take care or at least spend that little time with the children?
Or would it be possible not to let him see the kids, or your son, if he continues to hurt his feeling?
1 person likes this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
18 Dec 15
I don't think it would be a good idea to completely take him out of their life. I doubt if someone explaining it to him would help. I look at it like my child is a person so if something will hurt someone else's feelings it will hurt his. I just wish my ex would show the same.
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
17 Dec 15
I actually left him four years ago. The bad part is he still sees the kids on Sunday. I never let him stay with them by himself. I don't trust him to be able to take care of them for a couple of hours. My daughter is getting older, so she can help quite a bit, but I don't want it to be her job to raise her brother.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
16 Dec 15
I babysat for 2 boys with autism and their parents always had to defend them to people. One of the mothers had to defend and explain to his father because the dad just did not get it at all. She got tired of it as well and they split up because of their sons autism.
It is so sad. =(
1 person likes this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
17 Dec 15
We didn't split because of the autism. He just didn't know how to deal with having kids. He would push me away and hang out with friends. They were always females. Needless to say I am not one to be trifled with in such matters for very long. It's black and white, either you want to be with your family or you don't.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
17 Dec 15
@mommaj Oh...that is even worse! No one deserves that kind of treatment.
1 person likes this
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
16 Dec 15
I had to rant because his father makes me so angry and sorry I ever met him. Don't get me wrong, he's one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. He just isn't good with children or anyone but himself. I like to call him a poser because he definitely makes everyone think he is caring and helpful. He is except when it comes to his own family.
