Why only girls compromise on their career?

By Anu
India
January 20, 2016 4:41am CST
Had a discussion with my hubby this morning, I have left my career to take care of my kids and family. I want to join back but now there is a resistance from my family. Why do girls compromise every time :(. Does this happen only in India? Feeling very low today.
11 people like this
15 responses
@wiLLmaH (8327)
• Singapore, Singapore
20 Jan 16
You are not alone. I left my career in the Philippines to be wtih my husband here in Singapore.
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (56736)
• Delhi, India
21 Jan 16
But I understand that you are still working in Singapore?
1 person likes this
@wiLLmaH (8327)
• Singapore, Singapore
22 Jan 16
Yes @dpk262006! I am working but I stuck in here and no career growth on the horizon.. As my husband keeps climbing the ladder..me, here 5 years as a clerk.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56736)
• Delhi, India
22 Jan 16
@wiLLmaH You are in a foreign country, that could be one of the reasons that you are not rising up the ladder. May be your husband is professionally more qualified than you, therefore he gets promotions in hierarchy. You should not feel disappointed or under-estimate your contribution even if you are earning less than what you might have earned. Remember higher you go higher are the responsibilities and in that case it gets difficult for a woman to take care of her family and home.
1 person likes this
@anh101 (1380)
20 Jan 16
i will be happy to leave my career and living in the house working as I want, taking care of children, that's all my dream! Why would you love to go to office? I prefer working at home. Cool, and happy,
3 people like this
@thesids (22220)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Jan 16
It is great that you think that way. Not many today think this way. Very true, work can be done from home too and the office thing is not the only way around
1 person likes this
@anh101 (1380)
21 Jan 16
@thesids i love to experience life and work, actually I've been in office, out office, traveller, and I still wanna say, home office is great, but only if you know
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56736)
• Delhi, India
21 Jan 16
@anh101 - I agree with your views. I feel if circumstances and financial conditions permit, a woman will love to be in the home to look after her family. It is not easy to go for work and take care of family for a working woman.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56736)
• Delhi, India
20 Jan 16
Your disappointment is understandable. However, it is matter of mutual understanding between you, your hubby and your in-laws (if they stay with you), as regards you joining a job is concerned. Did you take your hubby into confidence, while giving up your job for taking care of your family? If you quit the job on your own without obtaining consent of your hubby, then his resistance seems right. To your question why it is girls who needs to comprise, I would like to say that you being a mother of kids have a larger responsibility to bring up them, therefore, it you leave them unattended and go for a job, that would be considered as inappropriate. Also, if your hubby has a sound financial position, as on date, and he feels that his financial resources are enough to take care of family, in that case he may not feel the requirement of you joining a job for sake of earning.
2 people like this
• Pune, India
20 Jan 16
I completely agree with the words dpk262006.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22220)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Jan 16
Well said. Somewhere I think - I would like to say that you being a mother of kids have a larger responsibility to bring up them, therefore, it you leave them unattended and go for a job, that would be considered as inappropriate - this is what she means when she says - resistance from family thing. I think, if she is in a joint family, such a question should not arise as there are other ladies in the household/family to take care. I say this because, as you know, me and my wife live away from our parents and inlaws. As such, when my wife returns to work, I will have to care for my baby. And I have no problems with that, instead I am happy and positive about it. Being a father, I too have to care for my daughter.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56736)
• Delhi, India
21 Jan 16
@Analyst001 Thanks for agreeing with me.
@youless (104244)
• Guangzhou, China
20 Jan 16
Perhaps it is more like a tradition. It is very normal for woman to take care of her family and than man go to work. Since women will be careful, patient and they are good at dealing with family issues. Whereas man focuses on the career and he is responsible to support finance for his family. A stay home husband may be laughed, I am sorry to say.
2 people like this
• India
25 Jan 16
@youless hmmm, and its a fact. Want to get rid of this tradition , want my own independence definately not at the cost of my kids.
1 person likes this
@thesids (22220)
• Bhubaneswar, India
25 Jan 16
. A stay home husband may be laughed Who cares. I am a stay home husband. To me my new born is more important that anyone else out there on the planet. And I do feel blessed to be in a position where I am available for her 24x7 and am watching her grow every minute
1 person likes this
• Pune, India
20 Jan 16
There would be many other reasons which you didn't mention over here. Your husband and family members thinking that children career is high priority then earnings. If both start going to work, your children miss you both and they feel lonely all the time. And there is a thought that, Your husband's earnings would be quite enough to lead a happy life. So, Try to understand him and family genuine concerns to stop you going back to work. I suggest not to go foolishly over your wish to continue your career after a break, Try to convince your family members by providing best solutions to all the concerns they showed to stop you.
• India
25 Jan 16
Bang on, My situation is exactly same. I am trying to convince all of them and dont want to overrule anyone as they also have a valid point.
1 person likes this
• Pune, India
25 Jan 16
@arpita_onlinejob, Wish you all the success in convincing your family members to resume your career in New Year.
@Drosophila (16638)
• Ireland
20 Jan 16
I guess it's what's important for you.. women often find "family", "love", "relationship" to be more important than work, career and $$. My Ma did the same, but she was happy with her choice. I'm less compromising, but for the right person, why not. If you want to go back to work, tell your family so. they love you and will support your decision.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Jan 16
@Drosophila yes you are right everybody has their priorities and balancing between both family and work is a task. But yes I will find a way out soon :)
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16638)
• Ireland
25 Jan 16
@arpita_onlinejob I'm sure you'll make it work :D
@thesids (22220)
• Bhubaneswar, India
20 Jan 16
That is too little information to comment on the resistance from family thing. We have a new born girl (13th Dec) and my wife will resume work after her 6 months leave for Pregnant women is over. And no, it has nothing to do with India. it is how you and your hubby team up, understand, care for each other and respect the individuality of the partner.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Jan 16
Thats sweet you. Trying to convince him hopefully he understand my point of view. He is not a bad person but just that at times views differ :) @thesids
1 person likes this
@pgiblett (6540)
• Canada
21 Jan 16
No it happens all over the world, you should be firm about going back to work, even if it is only on a part time basis. They will get used to it.
• India
25 Jan 16
@pgiblett In India we do not have many part time jobs that can be taken up , yes I am actually searching for such from last year. Hopefully I find
2 people like this
@pgiblett (6540)
• Canada
25 Jan 16
@arpita_onlinejob I am convinced you will find something.
@lokisdad (4240)
• United States
21 Jan 16
No its all over the world woman even here in the US are still looked at as the less then equal gender by many. However look at it as nobody will do better than raising the child/ren the way you want except you and its more time with them. Maybe its me because our cultures our different I disagree with some of what was said. Every person is their own boss I hate the you have to have consent statement its sad to see that in a world with so much advancement we still try to control woman like they're kids who can't make decisions for themselves.My wife would go bananas if she read this.
• India
25 Jan 16
Change is happening in India too but the speed is very very slow. I see few of my friend settled in US and even in India have continued with their job and I too hope I get back soon.
1 person likes this
@lokisdad (4240)
• United States
25 Jan 16
@arpita_onlinejob I wish you the best living as you do can not be easy no matter what happens keep yourself busy. Even this here that you are doing generates income which is a job and gives you a little sense of independence and rebellion as we say here in the states stick it to the man lol. It may not be your career or path you wanted but for now you have to make the best of it.
@Scindhia (1916)
• India
21 Jan 16
Only when it is a small change will it be a compromise. If the change is permanent, it becomes a sacrifice. There is only a thin line between the two. At this day and age, girls like us are capable of taking our own call. Don't be afraid to take risks. When I started my retail business after my baby, my in-laws were totally not supportive. But now after two years, they got used to my career ambitions. Sometimes you just have to jump without over analyzing things. At the end of the day, a good family would always stay with us no matter what. If not, is it really worth sacrificing who you are. You will end up living a life of regret.
@alchemistrx (2554)
• Philippines
21 Jan 16
Mothers are best suited to raise children while fathers best suited to provide for the family but in this day and age both have equal responsibilities and duties to uphold the assurance of raising good children.
• India
25 Jan 16
@alchemistrx Its our responsibility I agree but now its like its only mothers as father is busy earning :(. Thats why he feels I atleast need to be at home.
@maezee (40968)
• United States
21 Jan 16
Im sorry to heat thats happening to you. Unfortunately a lot of countries, maybe all, have this gender role for women that has carried over the years. Women are expected to be the backbone of the family, the husband. Luckily in the U.S gender inequality is on the decline but the sentiment and sexism is still there. Have you seriously talked to yoyr husband? I think you should try to do what will make you happy.
• India
25 Jan 16
@maezee the topic we discuss everyday is the same. HE understand my point but has asked e to think bigger and how will I handle things. I keep wondering why should I only handle things? Why not both of us
@cherriefic (10378)
• Philippines
21 Jan 16
I'm sorry to hear that. It just so happens that being a mother, you have to take care of the family especially if your kids are still small.
• India
25 Jan 16
Yes I understand and am juggling between priorities :)
@Dalane (691)
• United States
20 Jan 16
It is not just like that in India. All over the world women make sacrifices for their families, much more so than the men.
• India
25 Jan 16
@Dalane But how much do men recognise it. For them its like taking care of kids is easy and and only mothers responsibilities. Some day they also realise its boths job.
@cacay1 (52844)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
25 Jan 16
It should be both, but kids need special attention.When you marry, your freedom is totally divided,lol.