Thoughts of a Grieving Mother: Worrying is Pointless
@jillybean1222 (6406)
January 25, 2016 10:00pm CST
Worrying is pointless.
Don't get me wrong. I still worry. But I try to keep my mind off such things.
Because honestly, it doesn't... do... any... good....
As an overprotective momma, I did everything right with my first-born son. I always tried to keep him safe. I worried about him when he was sick, when he was away from home, when he was given new responsibilities. I read to him, taught him, comforted him, cared for him.
Then he died in his sleep without any warning at the age of 13. He went to bed "healthy."
An autopsy revealed that a virus (just an ordinary virus) went haywire and attacked his heart. The condition is called Myocarditis.
The doctor said it was a fluke.
So we can worry incessantly about everything. We can worry when our kids are sick. We can worry when the dog eats a pizza. We can worry when things aren't going right. We can worry about the future. Worry. Worry. Worry.
But honestly... all it does in the meanwhile is suck the joy out of life.
My thoughts often go to dark places when I allow them to do so, but I try my best to stay positive. It's hard when life throws you such a freaking terrible unfair curveball as this. It's hard to stay positive. But I try.
13 people like this
9 responses
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Jan 16
It is hard to stay positive when things happen such as you faced with the loss of your son. I won't say I understand what you are going through, the most I've lost are miscarriages and those were bad enough.
In the past year I have lost my X and my mother, but they come nowhere close to losing a child. I did need to put my dog down on Monday, and that was the hardest thing I've endured in a very long time. I miss her more than I do my X or my mother.
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
29 Jan 16
I'm sorry about your dog. Yes, sometimes those negative thoughts come up
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14994)
• Malaysia
27 Jan 16
Sorry about your son. That was really, really hard for you. 
I remember reading about this in Bubblews.
As a mother, I think we always learn to find the balance. We want to protect our children, but we want to give them freedom to explore as well. Sometimes I struggle finding the balance as well. I recently started to learn to meditate, being more mindful helps me to understand myself and the situations better and also live in the moment.
I remember reading about this in Bubblews.
As a mother, I think we always learn to find the balance. We want to protect our children, but we want to give them freedom to explore as well. Sometimes I struggle finding the balance as well. I recently started to learn to meditate, being more mindful helps me to understand myself and the situations better and also live in the moment.1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14994)
• Malaysia
28 Jan 16
@jillybean1222 Yes, I have always read that "Let the kids be kids".
Though I didn't want to scare my children, I did tell them there are some bad people around outside, so they need to be with me and do not run too far away. I also told them it's safe to be at home, so when we are at home, we do not need to be scared. I couldn't imagine the fear you have, but I know it's terrible.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (56187)
• Canada
26 Jan 16
No you are right, it isn't fair when life throws you such a lousy curveball, but you are still in the game and you have a great attitude that will take your children and those around you far. Nobody can learn optimism, dedication and love except by example.
There are some things that we can be concerned about, but to worry is a waste of time in our life.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (56187)
• Canada
27 Jan 16
@jillybean1222 Well you've got four little distractions at your house, which I know are a blessing.
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@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
27 Jan 16
i've found that distraction is key. if i stay busy, i have less time to worry
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29410)
• Eugene, Oregon
29 Jan 16
I can't imagine the level of anxiety that you must feel at times. Anne says that I worry too much and that it is much better to concentrate on good outcomes than bad. I am sure she (in her "new thought" ideas) is right, but it is difficult.
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
29 Jan 16
it is difficult. i really try to not worry too much, but it's just impossible to get rid of that worry, that fear
1 person likes this
@Gabugs (1895)
• United States
26 Jan 16
Yes, I know of this dark incident in your life dear. I can only imagine how you must be still grieving.
But on the other hand @jillybean1222 you are absolutely right in saying, that you cannot help worrying. I do too; worry steadily creeps on you, no matter how hard we try to stay positive. But, I suppose we must keep trying. Right?
1 person likes this
@Gabugs (1895)
• United States
30 Jan 16
@jillybean1222 May God be with you always.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
26 Jan 16
I am a worrier, it seems to be a part of me, but you are right, it is pointless to worry, it changes nothing. I am sorry for the loss of your son, such a shocking and sad loss that you have had to experience, and I can say you are being determined and positive each day to be there for your other children. I wish you continued strength and positivity.
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
26 Jan 16
Thank you. I too am a worrier by nature, but I try desperately to not let it overcome me.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (254949)
• United States
26 Jan 16
I have said it before and I will say it again: I am so very sorry for your loss. It is every mother's worst nightmare. It is unfair and so horrible. I can imagine how hard it must be for you to stay positive, but you must keeping trying, for yourself and your other two children. Giant hugs.
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
26 Jan 16
thank you for your kind words. i don't know how a person who only has one child would move on
1 person likes this
@carexing25 (1822)
• Philippines
26 Jan 16
we'll never know how long we can survive .. it's normal to feel worried but try to divert your attention to lessen the worry.. sorry for you loss
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6406)
•
27 Jan 16
thank you. i do my best when i keep my attention focused on other things
