At Least I’d Die in Clean Sheets

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We all know that someday we will die. That’s just part of life. But the older I get, the more I think about death. Yesterday I put clean sheets on my bed. As I crawled into bed I thought if I die during the night, at least I’d die in clean sheets. Why would I think such a dreadful thought? Mainly because my dad dead in his sleep. And one of my lady friend’s dad died in his sleep. She told me that many people die in their sleep of a heart attack. It has something to do with all the muscles in the body relaxing–including the heart muscles. I’ve often thought about the worst places I’d hate to die. In bed would not be so bad. I certainly would not like to die sitting on the toilet. I mean, there I would be with my pants pulled down and my turds floating in the toilet. Even more embarrassing would be to get off the toilet, turn to flush, have a heart attack and fall face first into the turd-filled toilet. What a way to go! Luckily I always close the lid before I flush. However, I suppose it could happen while reaching for the lid. I would not like to die while driving and take out others with me. That would be horrifying. It really wouldn’t be my fault to be driving along and suddenly up and croak. It’s not like I would know beforehand that I was going to check out. Well, I’m somewhat prepared for death. Back in the early 80s or so, I bought a Purple Cross funeral plan which, when all was said and done, cost a little under $4,000. I paid on it for five years. Each year the value goes up. Now it’s worth about $10,000. I hope that’s enough to put me in a happy hole in the ground. (I certainly do not want to get fried to ashes.) Oh, what clean sheet will make you think of!