Hurt Emotions VS Hurt Emotionally
By AmberLynn
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
United States
March 3, 2016 8:31pm CST
I warn you that this may be a very long (and broken up over several posts) discussion.
It also talks about things that could be considered triggers. There may be points where I am very vague, and I ask that you not ask me to clarify or elaborate. This is taking a lot to talk about and honestly if you are even reading this it took a lot for me to press the "start discussion" button.
I am talking to an acquaintance of mine and they said the words "Hurt emotions." I had to clarify to this person the different between "Hurt Emotions" and "Hurt Emotionally."
To have hurt emotions is to be upset or angry over something. To "Hurt Emotionally" is to have ones feelings abused or manipulated.
Of course everyone might have a different taking on the phrasing and the definition but that is how I see the two variants meaning.
I was in a relationship once that started off as many do, like the sweet snoopy love bird kind. This was actually a relationship that started off as a set up (as in we were introduced) by a mutual friend. We talked via text or instant message for awhile before it was suggested we meet up.
This was also the first time I was ever really open and flirtatious. I had always been very reserved. In this instance, however, I was the instigator. We were both very inexperienced in things despite our age.
The relationship went on and seemed to be perfect but then things started to happen, controlling things that I allowed to go on because of my insecurities but also because of my trust.
I trusted this person wholeheartedly and though some of the things that went on were embarrassing and humiliating, I thought that our love was too strong. Not strong in a negative or bad manner, but in the positive way. As if no matter the humiliation our love was eternal.
I started to get insecure more than ever though, especially when out in public. I didn't like the way I felt literally or figuratively. I knew that I was looked upon as disgusting even to my in laws and yet I was trapped because I was embarrassed to admit it.
I was ashamed and scared, and locked away from family and friends. This was partially my own doing because I thought they didn't understand or didn't want me to be happy.
Obviously the relationship has been over for many years but it took several years before the lock rusted away and I felt completely free. I still have emotional tethers, things that have caused me to be very cautious in life.
I am lucky that I have my friends and family back and that they have forgiven me for detaching myself from them.
I'm not mad at the person who made me feel the way I did and still somewhat do. I feel upset at myself for allowing it to happen, and sorry for him because though I am no saint, I know that he has problems far different than mine own.
As for the "in law' situation, I never felt comfortable with them. It's not easy dating a man who is a mother's only child. If anything, I am hurt because I never felt safe enough to go to them for help.
While a lot of the abuse in this relationship was emotional some of it was physical. Not in the "he hit me' way as he never did hit me. He made me feel physically ugly because of the emotional warfare he wrought on me. He made me do things or not do things that caused my self esteem to plummet.
This also caused me to feel stunted in thoughts and even memories. My memory (remembering things) was sorely misused because I spent a lot of my time and energy in concocting a fairytale world away from the madness that I lived in day to day.
Even through this all I wanted was for him to "get better" "see what he was doing to me." I was still very much tethered, and in a way, I always will be. Why? I can't completely go back to the carefree, unguarded relationship life I"d like to go back to.
Without explaining further what this person did to me (what the things he did that made me feel "ugly") I will say that it's never easy to get out of a relationship like this but when you start to realize that this isn't you, that this shouldn't be you, you need to get help.
I would still be in this relationship today if it weren't for friends of his who saw things completely differently. Friends of his saw things as my fault and encouraged him to split from me. I hated them for the longest time because of this but in reality they freed me.
Of course this friend was in a bad relationship of his own. I felt sorry for him more so than I did for myself and my own relationship. It was a few years later that I would get an apology from his friend, realizing that he had misconstrued what was really happening.
1 person likes this
2 responses
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
4 Mar 16
That's not right reality is where it can take control of you and anybody involved.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
4 Mar 16
I am extremely confused by what you just said.
@softbabe44 (5815)
• Vancouver, Washington
4 Mar 16
@ScribbledAdNauseum Trusting someone the way you did and have them do what they did that's horrible.
@Beatburn (4286)
• Philippines
4 Mar 16
A relationship is going nowhere when it involves manipulation. A good relationship nurtures. Good thing you got out of it through your family and friends.
@ScribbledAdNauseum (104615)
• United States
4 Mar 16
Yes and I also know that I was lucky as it could have gotten worse or been worse.
1 person likes this



