She's Just Begun Her Journey of Grief ...

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The past two days have really beat us up ... we stepped out of our private, quiet world to be support, show how much we cared (with our very Hearts) when we learned of the death of my cousin's child. I don't have family I can be close to ... but, I care. This particular cousin and I ... are the only ones of all of us ... who has lost a child. I needed to go ... it was only right. My cousin's daughter was only 32 years old. No one knows how she died ... her older husband found her sitting there on the couch. I won't go into any speculation ... it's not my story. I can only write what affects me. I watched her mother, sister ... I recognized the awful, awful grief. I recognized each time the mother did something while at the funeral home ... as a grieving mother ... I had done the same things. She stood at the head of the casket looking down at her daughter with her hand on her forehead. This is what I remember well doing ... I was patting my son's head as if giving a sick child ... comfort. She stood at the side ... looking down into her daughter's face ... like I stood looking at my son's face. I was trying to 'see him' ... imagine his face animated like in everyday life ... see his smile, hear his voice. She put her hand over her daughter's hand ... just like I did. I remember how cold his hands were ... I placed my mother hands over his, tears falling on him. I wanted the cold to go away. She placed her hand on her cheek ... just like I did with my own son. I patted his cheeks as only a mother could. Pure love for a mother's child. I looked up from looking at her beautiful daughter ... into the mother's face. I saw pure pain ... grief in deeply etched lines. Her face was long with pain pulling her down into the pits of pure darkness, hell that she was going to have to go for years before her face could fill out, be happy again. I could see myself ... five years ago. I could feel her raw emotion ... I cried inside with her. I felt for her. I could only hug her, pat her shoulder. I couldn't take any pain away from her. I would have if I could ... I would have walked her road of grief for her if I could ... I've already walked it ... so, I know the way. Sadly ... I know only she can walk her own road ... no one else can. She just began her journey ... the journey of grief for the loss of her child.