But I Know What We're Not
By YoghurtGal
@flapiz (23530)
United Kingdom
April 6, 2016 11:01am CST
There's this guy I'm seeing for quite a while now and we have all the benefits of being in a relationship except we aren't formally in a relationship.
Back home if a guy wants to be in a relationship with a girl he's supposed to ask. But I don't know if it's a thing here or in Europe or he's just not into relationships but he never asked me to be his girlfriend.
I am not courageous enough to ask what we are. Now I'm stressing because although I don't know what we are and I don't know if he likes me the way I like him, I know that I like him very much and I know we're not in a relationship cause he never asked 
Initially I decided to just play along with it and see how it goes. I even have a resolve of dating someone else and moving on to someone who's actually brave enough to ask me to be his girlfriend. But last night he took me out to dinner with 6 of his colleagues and that felt kinda nice. Now I'm confused again what I am to him.
Please don't tell me to ask him. I can't
Initially I decided to just play along with it and see how it goes. I even have a resolve of dating someone else and moving on to someone who's actually brave enough to ask me to be his girlfriend. But last night he took me out to dinner with 6 of his colleagues and that felt kinda nice. Now I'm confused again what I am to him.
Please don't tell me to ask him. I can't 7 people like this
9 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70020)
• United States
6 Apr 16
Create some distance.
As soon as he feels it, he will react.
And that way, he might then be certain to ask.
If not, move on.
If you can just tolerate the way it is now, then just enjoy.
2 people like this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 16
I tried to create distance but I think my resolve is not too strong. I actually found myself saying "I kinda miss him". Which I tell you was too much for my pride to take.
At the moment, I can still tolerate it. But I'm not sure until when.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 16
@TiarasOceanView Awwww that's what my friends are telling me. But I'm pretty stubborn when I like someone. I don't like people that fast. I look for magic, spark, and chemistry. If I am so lovely why is it that up to now I'm still single? No body seems to want to be my boyfriend. 
I don't know what's the problem. I think I'm I the wrong era.
I don't know what's the problem. I think I'm I the wrong era.1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70020)
• United States
6 Apr 16
@flapiz Yeah I know it is hard when you really like someone..well maybe some other guy will come along and knock your socks off lolz
You are not alone, I have made a fool of myself sometimes..but in the end, I said forget it, if you cant express the same to me, I am going on with someone else You are so lovely and dont know it my friend.
You are not alone, I have made a fool of myself sometimes..but in the end, I said forget it, if you cant express the same to me, I am going on with someone else You are so lovely and dont know it my friend.1 person likes this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 16
Hi Jesse, yes I'm thinking of letting go as well. Because I've already broken my heart once because of a similar situation and I don't think I'm going to be able to fix it easy.
@mammots (3209)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
@flapiz Its true what the wise and the learned say that we become blind when we are in love and we dont make the most intelligent decisions. I agree with what @TiarasOceanView said " if you can just tolerate the way it is now, then just enjoy"
2 people like this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 16
I have tried and failed miserably. He's always traveling cause he works on different sites so I'm afraid to miss out when he's in town. One time I can't help it I texted him " hey I kinda miss you". And I tell you it's not my personality to show that much interest to a person. I lost my pride.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70020)
• United States
6 Apr 16
@mammots I have not been learned and still am not lolz mammots..I am still a silly girl lolz
2 people like this
@louievill (28846)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
What I can't understand is why he has to bring along his 6 colleagues, if I was him I would probably arrange it between you and me, propose and act swiftly and do whatever I have to do if I love you, my God, either one of those colleagues might even be competition when he has not yet had a sure foothold, Isn't he assuming too much or what, I can't understand it.
, if I was him I would probably arrange it between you and me, propose and act swiftly and do whatever I have to do if I love you, my God, either one of those colleagues might even be competition when he has not yet had a sure foothold, Isn't he assuming too much or what, I can't understand it.1 person likes this
@louievill (28846)
• Philippines
6 Apr 16
@flapiz His silence and not saying anything and making everything so vague is the main problem in your relationship. In our culture it's propose first to formalize things, then probably introduce to his parents, what I cannot understand why his friends first perhaps that is their culture.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 16
@louievill Exactly I don't know their culture. I'm from Philippines so I'm accustomed to being courted and asked.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 16
No we normally both just have dinner between the two of us but last night he brought me along to have dinner with his colleagues. Which is the first time he actually took me out to meet his friends.
My problem is he's not saying what he wants of me.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14994)
• Malaysia
6 Apr 16
@flapiz I am not sure the earlier generations, but I guess in my generation or younger, we just go for what we want. So it's okay for women to take the initiative too. We have our rights to pursue our happiness, so we don't need to be passive and wait for the men to decide. It's not mainly women or men who do that, but I think some women do not mind taking the initiative.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14994)
• Malaysia
6 Apr 16
Okay, I won't tell you to ask him, but besides that, I don't have other suggestions. 
I am a straightforward person, I'd just ask if I want to know. I just don't know how to play along with it, and I certainly do not like the feeling of "guessing".
I always ask myself, if I don't do it now, will I be regret later? If yes, then I'll just go and do it.
Sorry for no good suggestion for you, but just wishing you Good luck! 
I am a straightforward person, I'd just ask if I want to know. I just don't know how to play along with it, and I certainly do not like the feeling of "guessing".
I always ask myself, if I don't do it now, will I be regret later? If yes, then I'll just go and do it.
Sorry for no good suggestion for you, but just wishing you Good luck! 1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
6 Apr 16
You have gotten some amazing advice here. It looks like you have 2 choices really. Either end the contact with him and see what happens...or ask what you are.
I hope it works out for you either way.
1 person likes this
@flapiz (23530)
• United Kingdom
7 Apr 16
I don't have the courage to ask yet. Maybe I'll just do the former. If he doesn't pursue me then I'd get my answer.
