Mother's day heartache...
By Jen
@polyxena (2628)
Sturgis, Michigan
May 5, 2016 3:52pm CST
I'm realizing this weekend's mother's day. And despite the fact I'm a mother to two living boys, and a step mother to an amazing step daughter. Most people don't realize that I am also a mother to an angel baby. Most people don't even claim for me to be a mother to that child. Which I admit is painful.
My first child, was medically induced at 15 weeks gestation because of a fatal birth defect. He had what they call anencephaly. Most people don't count my son Gabriel as a child for that exact reason that he was 15 weeks gestation. But just because he wasn't full term, we was wanted, and he was a pregnancy. While there's people go, "You have two sons," when it kind of hurts, I have three, one of which just isn't alive.
I still grieve every day, and see kids that would be Gabriel's age at the stores, and think about the fact that he didn't make it. While at the same time, not even three months later, I conceived his younger brother Vincent, so it's always a bitter pill to swallow, if Gabriel was here Vincent wouldn't be and I love both of my boys. It's such a complex feeling
I don't even know what I'm doing or where I'm going with this post. Other than one of those rants and one of those things that lead me to be a little bit emotional.
6 people like this
7 responses
@miyaford (295)
• Nashville, Tennessee
5 May 16
First of all I would like to say that I am seriously sorry for your loss. I cannot image how it will feel to lose a child. Kids are such little angels that God bless us with. People say that your grieving will get better over time but I do not know if I agree with that. My mother has passed and there is not a day that I do not think about her, there is not a day that I don't get sad that she is gone. It is okay to still miss your child and you will forever miss her. I hope you just be able to cope with your grieving, which I know is hard to do.
1 person likes this
@pinkCardigangirl (587)
• United States
6 May 16
I'm not sure you would consider a miscarriage the same, but I had a miscarriage years ago. I have other children and my days are busy, but sometimes I do think of who that child would have been had my body kept it. Would it be a boy or girl? And does he or she see me now? Okay, my turn to get emotional. Hugs my friend.
@polyxena (2628)
• Sturgis, Michigan
6 May 16
@pinkCardigangirl I'm sorry. *hugs*
1 person likes this
@pinkCardigangirl (587)
• United States
6 May 16
@polyxena Yeah, I agree. It depends on that person. When it happened, I was a roller coaster of emotions. I don't talk about it, but I still think and wonder about it.
@marguicha (230350)
• Chile
5 May 16
Fifteen years ago I lost a grandson to cancer. He did not get to be 8 years of age. Now he would be a young man. He stayed in my memory forever as a child.
A couple of weeks my daughter told me that some people had told her to stop "thinking" about Tomás as so much time had gone by. Those people don´t know anything. 
This is where I think naughty words in Spanish.
This is where I think naughty words in Spanish.@marguicha (230350)
• Chile
5 May 16
@polyxena Our Tomás is still (and will always be) part of our lives.
@SIMPLYD (90717)
• Philippines
6 May 16
It's good that at least you have gotten that out of your chest by writing this . I guess it is just but natural to always remember your deceased baby whenever you see a baby that could have been of that age .
@CRK109 (14556)
• United States
6 May 16
I'm so sorry for your loss. There are many things people don't know that we hold in our hearts and Mother's Day is one of those days when many women grieve a child or children they have lost. God bless you always.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 May 16
I completely understand your feelings. Before my little Julian, I was pregnant 6 months before I got pregnant with him. I lost my baby at 14 weeks along. It broke my heart. It is always hard losing any of our children, but like you I am so grateful and Blessed to have Julian. It is a hard thing to go through and truly emotional.
Our little angels will never be forgotten and we will see them again one day. 
