Doctor's Visit, Pain and More

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We finally have some answers to what is wrong with me medically. The sad thing is, even though I can’t stand for more than five minutes or even use my hands for more than a few minutes, I don’t qualify for any help through the state. Even typing this now is a pain in the rear. My hands go numb after a minute. Sometimes my hands have sharp pain shooting through them. The pain killers I am given, don’t help. I go in for an epidural once the state approves that. I thought I should try and write. I miss writing. I feel like without writing, a piece of me is missing. I am doing my best to post things here and there, but here is the thing.. Sometimes, people don’t understand the issues you are facing. You start to lose friends and people start to not care. The doctor did an MRI. I have fluid in my lower back, exactly where that pain is and I have some bulges in the disks closer to my neck, which is what is causing all the hand issues. Just imagine slowly losing the capabilities to do things you normally do. Sleeping is almost impossible and I feel weaker everyday. It’s like losing yourself. With in this last month I have lost the ability to cut food with a knife, drive, sometimes I can’t hold my silverware and I can’t always write. I can’t really hold a phone, it hurts too much, so I don’t really text anyone. Sometimes I am even afraid to use the bathroom, because I can’t always pull my pants up. My fiance has to sometimes help me get dressed. I have had people tell me I need to find a job, but at this point with all my appointments and pain I am in, I wouldn’t last. There aren’t many jobs where you don’t need to have full use of your hands. Last time I saw my doctor, I had an extremely hard time even signing paperwork. Just imagine not being able to do important things like that. I get the help I need at times, but I feel like it is taking a toll on everyone. Not just me. I try not to talk about it to my friends too much. I am afraid of losing their support. Then again, I don’t really have any friends. I have already lost a majority of them. Thought I would put this out there. My whole right arm is going numb. I will try to post again soon. I have so many things I want to write about, but this pain is taking over.