Why is empathy better in comparison to sympathy?

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Sympathy simply means ‘feeling sorry for others’, while empathy is defined by Adam Smith as “changing places in fancy with the sufferer”, i.e., ability to share someone else’s feelings by imagining oneself into the sufferer’s position. Helping a blind lady to cross a busy road, or assisting an old gentleman, with a stiff leg, trying to pick up his fallen coins off the road…its fairly an easy task for any normal human being, passing by. But will any normal human being care to stop and spend 30 seconds of his/her precious time for someone who he/she doesn’t know at all, is the important question. How many times have you seen a blind person with a white cane walking on the road? Quite many times, I agree. I have seen them, too. How do you feel when u see them struggling to get on to a bus or walk on the pothole ridden roads or broken pavements, for that matter (like the usual here in India)? People are not so heartless that they wouldn’t care at all. You might definitely feel sorry for them. But, to be honest, they dislike it when people feel pity or sorry for them. They don’t want to be sympathised with. Sympathy gets them nothing. They have been living this life for much longer than those 2 minutes you witness them living it. Same goes with all other people in despair. You should hear Nick Vujicic talking about the shocking reactions he gets at his state; it makes you feel sorry for yourself rather than feeling better that someone is sympathising with you. Its more about something you can do to ease their difficulty, even if momentarily. It’s about your actions, not about your words. That is the difference between sympathy and empathy. Time is one of the most precious aspect in everyone’s life. So even if you spend hours scrolling down on your Facebook wall or chatting away on WhatsApp, it doesn’t matter when you are wasting your hours for yourself. But when it comes to spending even a couple of minutes to make someone else’s life any better, you would definitely think twice, whether it is worth your time. If you could be more empathetic and have a big heart, maybe then you could think of doing it. Because spending your time on others is just like spending your money on others without really expecting any profits or returns (at least not short term returns). But there could possibly be some long term returns like when you are in need of help in strange grounds, there is a likelihood of someone helping you on account of your good deeds, at least. But an empathetic person doesn’t help others because he/she is expecting returns (not even long term); They do so, as they understand the pain other is going through. And that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have been through the same, but because they genuinely feel how it is to be in another’s shoes. You just need to be considerate about another being. When we watch a good movie, we cry when the character in the movie cries. We smile when the character smiles. And when the character is scared, we are scared too. When the character is excited, our excitement knows no bounds. That is because we totally get into the skin of the character. That, my friends, is empathy. Deep down, we all are empathetic. But are we so in all spheres of our lives? I’m an empathetic person, yes. But I don’t claim to have done any great help to people in despair, not really. But I do try to be a good listener to my friends in sorrow. And I do try to reach out to people who really need me. And I do have a couple of tiny instances which make me feel satisfied n content about the human being I’m. You don’t really need to have your pockets filled with notes or have a big bank account to your name, to be of help to someone. Even your small deeds count. There are people among us who do feel like going ahead and helping someone in need, but something stops them. Either they don’t feel bold enough to approach others, or they over-think that they may not really be required there and might be interfering unnecessarily. Do not worry, happens with me too. But still, at times, I just spontaneously decide to go ahead and ask them if they need any help. Once, I was walking to my class, and I was really late (as usual…:-D). At a curve in the main road, I saw a commotion. It was a huge jam of traffic, with all the big busses and cars and bikes stacked behind one another, honking with great agitation, all of them. It was so much of a noise pollution, I tell you. Then, I saw the cause for all this blockage. At the head of the huge jam, a tiny auto rickshaw driver was scurrying hither and tither, muttering irritably to himself and collecting something off the road. It then dawned on me that he was carrying some supplies in his auto rickshaw, of which one of the boxes had torn open and all its contents were strewn on the road. And there he was alone collecting them all, bit by bit. It, of course, means some loss to him if he doesn’t deliver them all safe to its destination. And all those people honking behind him, desperately want him to hurry up because they are all getting late for wherever they are headed to. But none of them would even give a thought to help him, at least to speed up the process. They were all just waiting (not even patiently). Then, I didn’t give a second thought before hurrying across the road and helping him collect his stuff. That’s a normal thing for me to do, but what surprised me the most was nobody else joined us, it was only me and him hurrying about collecting those supplies. You might be thinking that this writer is just making a big deal about a small help she did. No, boasting or bragging isn’t my intention. Trust me, I didn’t even stop for his ‘thank you’. I just made sure all the supplies were back into his vehicle before setting back onto my way, like there was no interruption at all. But with a small smile of pure satisfaction on my face. It was this moment of contentment, is what I was emphasising upon. The feeling of euphoria you get when you be of even a tiny little help to someone, just making their day a little bit better. Doesn’t matter even if they don’t remember you at the end of their day. But at the end of your day, you can happily tell yourself- “yes, you have done a great job today”. It’s that statement at the end of the day that gives me the ultimate thrill. Like Raj Kapoor’s simpleton character in the 1959 Bollywood movie Anari sings, “Kisi ki muskuraahaton pe ho nisaar, kisi ka dard mil sake toh le udhaar… Kisi ke waste ho tere dil me pyaar, jeena isi ka naam hai…”, which translates into ‘going gaga over someone's smile, borrowing someone's sorrow if available... having love in your heart for someone, this is what is called living’. I love to live by these lines. It is one of my favourite songs. Indeed, an awesome rendition by Mukesh and wonderful lyrics by Shailendra. Empathy is depicted when you ‘hold a hand’, ‘share the burden’ or ‘ease the pain’ of another person (or even animals). It is an opportunity gained to earn goodwill. Might sound like social service, but remember it is for the greater good and, more importantly, for ‘inner peace’. What gives you the ‘ultimate thrill’? The ‘inner peace’? Do let us know in the comments section. And if you have any incident of yours where you have been of help to someone, whether big or small, then please do share with us… :-)