Should you really stay for the kids?
By Josie
@Iamsopia (186)
Makati, Philippines
September 25, 2016 12:35pm CST
I've gone through a recent break up with my baby's dad and it was messy. My parents are trying to push me to try and fix the issue with my ex . Same goes to his parents.
But is a relationship really worth saving just for the sake of your kid/kids?
Is it really healthy to stay in a relationship that you know is not working just because you have kids?
I'd really rather be friends with my ex and give him visitation rights than be stuck with him . We might end up hating each other in the end if we force it.
What are your thoughts....
6 people like this
7 responses
@Happy2BeMe (99386)
• Canada
25 Sep 16
You deserve to be happy and it is healthier for the children if you are in a happy situation. This is your life and they have no right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. If there is a third party then I would not stay. There is only suppose to be two people in a marriage. Once somebody chooses another then it's time to move on.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99386)
• Canada
25 Sep 16
@Iamsopia exactly. I stayed in my first marriage for all the wrong reasons and I regret that I wasted so many years of my life being unhappy. Years that I can be never get back. I would never do it again.
1 person likes this
@Iamsopia (186)
• Makati, Philippines
25 Sep 16
@Happy2BeMe and its not right to feel that way.. so i'll face it head on.. and do things what i think is right for my kid. And pray for the best i guess...
1 person likes this
@Iamsopia (186)
• Makati, Philippines
25 Sep 16
@Happy2BeMe exactly my point.. we really shouldn't settle just because we want to save face..
1 person likes this
@yukimori (10143)
• United States
25 Sep 16
Your parents and your ex's parents aren't the ones who have to live with the situation if you stay. I'm not sure what your relationship is like, but you need to consider if that's the model that you want your children to base their future relationships on. Staying and forcing things with it ending in resentment isn't going to be setting a good example, is it?
Better to have a good coparenting relationship than that.
2 people like this
@Iamsopia (186)
• Makati, Philippines
25 Sep 16
@egdcltd thats what i thought too.. i mean what if we turn bitter and it affects our kid right? Being in a somewhat conservative country who still thinks that its better to suffer indoors that to be the talk of the town its hard to make hasty actions :(
2 people like this
@allen0187 (58444)
• Philippines
25 Sep 16
Hope the situation gets better for you and your ex. Most importantly, hopefully, it gets better for your child. I would suggest couples counselling but if that doesn't help, at least be civil with your partner when your child is around. Co-parenting is always an option.
1 person likes this
@Raine38 (12257)
• United States
25 Sep 16
I'd rather have the kids grow up in an environment where the parents have a good, civil relationship than for them to be physically together but there is constant turmoil and snuggle in the household. Children are resilient, they are smart we should not underestimate their capacity to understand. And more than that, children will emulate what they see from their parents. Do not wait until the kids think that it is okay to stay in a hurtful relationship, that it is okay to be unhappy as long as the family is "intact". Being separated from your baby's dad will not make you and your baby less of a family.
1 person likes this
@CaseyRoss9966 (4056)
• United States
25 Sep 16
I believe you should never stay in it for the kids. Yea they will have both parents in the home with them, but it is not good for them to hear you fighting and arguing all the time. Even if you think you are hiding it from them, they will find out some way or another. I done a whole paper in my psychology class on kids of divorce and the one thing I learned from the paper is that if your not happy then leave and just have good communication with your kid and ex. You will always be involved with this other person because you have a child with them so you better get a long with that person. You don't have to like them, but you should still show each other respect and get along with each other for the kid's sake. Your kids are important, but your happiness and well being is also important.
1 person likes this
@CaseyRoss9966 (4056)
• United States
25 Sep 16
@Iamsopia Great Answers to Difficult Questions about Divorce : What Children Need to Know
by Herlem, Fanny Cohen
This is a book I would recommend people with kid's and messy breakups/divorces to read. It is a book of common questions from kid's whose parents had separated and divorced . It gives answers to these questions from a psychologist who specializes in the effects of divorce on children. She suggests what to tell the kid's when they have these questions. She understands that it is difficult for parents and for the kids and the parents might not have the time to answer these questions or may just not know how to answer them. Just know that good communications is very important. There are also studies that show that parents that were separated/divorced and got along together, respected each other, and communicated well that the children had better relationships with both parents in the end and didn't feel the need to have to pick sides later on.
@Iamsopia (186)
• Makati, Philippines
25 Sep 16
@CaseyRoss9966 wow thanks.. this is my main worry.. howto tell her when she grows up.. but this really helps thanks.:-)
@Iamsopia (186)
• Makati, Philippines
25 Sep 16
@CaseyRoss9966 wow.. i couldn't agree more :)
1 person likes this
@AbbygailJ (20)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Sep 16
Noooooo do not stay for the kids. What good are you anyway if you are an emotional wreck? I tried ataying and then regretted that i hadnt left sooner.
