Fussy Old People

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Growing old begins to concern our children. I find it rather amusing. Secretly, some angst about getting old do get to me, too. It's scary. But, I've decided to refuse fear. Instead, I delight in this crazy age. So, there! Besides, we only live once. And it's time we live it well. So, as we enter ageism, there are few things we are on our way to perfecting them. 1. Antiquity. We have quite a handsome collection of old books. "Mom, when you leave earth, may I keep many of your old books?" 2. Tenacity & Endurance. "Move house closer to us, Mom.. Dad. What if something happens, like getting ill? You just live too far away from us." 3. Focus. Surveying the parking lot, "Where on earth did I park my car?" 4. Loyalty and care. "Honey, are you sure you brought your dentures?" ... "Did the supah-glue dry quickly?" ... "Did I ask you about your dentures already?" ..."Are you sure you're wearing your dentures?" ... "Let me see if you're wearing them, just to make sure, Honey." 5. Vision. "I need a third pair of eye glasses to look for my two missing ones. I can't see." ..."Timmy, dear, will you help me trace where I left my eye glasses?" 6. Perspective. "They'll understand why I parked this way. I couldn't see and make out the lines." 7. Wisdom. Restraint in giving answers too quickly. "Wait! I'm looking for my brains." 8. Elegance. "Honey! Come! Help. Will you pull my girdle up! My hand grip is acting up." 9. Flexibility with time. At the door ready to leave, "Where are we going again?" 10. Dependable. "Children, have you seen my glasses?" "Mom, you're wearing them!" 11. Astonishing respect. "Hey! Speak up when I'm talking to you... Why are you answering back? Where's your respect towards old people, huh?" 12. Irreplaceable. "Honey, why are you buying those high-healed leather boots? You might be looking into hip-replacement with those!" 13. Resilience. "Anyone messes with you, Dear, will answer to me!" Have you spoken these words since you turned over 50? If so, you're on your way to perfection. Photo by Mr. Josephus Wise