Is the 'alternative' better? What would you do?

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Bear with me as this is a bit long. First a little background: I have written about Robert and James before--I have been friends with them for over 28 years--they will be celebrating their 50th anniversary this year (fingers crossed.) Up until 3-4 years ago, when Bob was in his 80s, he had never been in a hospital! He was full of energy, sexually very active (the envy of many of his friends) still going door to door selling FB products making HIS quota every day then he had to have a knee replacement operation BUT that didn't stop him! Last year he fought prostate cancer and came through to go on selling. The last time I wrote about him was after he had totaled 2 cars and had been getting into accidents and I was wondering how to deal with telling him and Jim that Bob had to stop driving. That problem to a certain extent was solved last month when his insurance agent told him he couldn't get re-insured unless he was willing to pay an obscene amount of money. Just before the holidays he was complaining about pains in his leg and groin--the immediate thought was that the cancer returned BUT, instead it was decided he needed a hip replacement which was done the day after Christmas and he is now in a nursing home having rehabilitation. The following are my thoughts after visiting him today--I can count on one hand how many times I have been depressed in my lifetime---I know, lucky me--so bare with me. Allen and I visited Robert today--very depressing--this once so vital, full of energy man is frail, weak and seems a shadow of his former self--maybe I was reading too much into it but his mind doesn't seem to be all 'there'--he hesitates before he starts to talk--he has trouble with the wheel chair as his left hand/arm is very weak. I think he is beginning to realize that he won't live forever and is having a very hard time adjusting to that fact. I am not a 'worrier' by nature but I am worried what's ahead for him--random thoughts go through my head--will he get out of the nursing home? If so what quality of life will he have at home? Will he be confined to one room--there are steps up to the bedrooms, bathrooms--steps to get to the living room--with the way the house is set up a wheelchair won't be of any use unless they get wood (plywood?) ramps and he is not doing too good with the walker. I have no idea where Jim's head is at--I am sure he is going through a lot IF he is even thinking of 'tomorrow'--I know he won't/isn't talking to me about any plans--I don't know what financial shape they are in but they will certainly have to cut back without the income of Bob's selling Fuller Brush--also, it is obvious that Robert will not be driving--if for no other reason he can't get insurance because of his accidents--Jim should be contacting the FB rep in Miami to see if he will buy the stock they have in their warehouse-they have been paying storage for over 10 years on that bay. What if Robert does have to stay in a nursing home or does come home but isn't capable of functioning for himself--and how much can Jim do on his own? If it's the former, even with the insurance they have, they could be wiped out financially--even with Medicare they would have to sell their house. I know my mind is all over the place with "What ifs" but I wish someone could get through to Jim and make him face the different scenarios because his lifestyle will also have to change. Okay, maybe I am way off base and Robert will recover completely but dammit what will it take for them to realize they have to move--even if it is only to rent--nearer to 'civilization' since Jim doesn't know how to drive and their house isn't near anything.. They (or just Jim because he will be making the decisions right or wrong!) have to make plans NOW not tomorrow. Sorry to lay this on you but I am very depressed after the visit and just had to write and get some feedback This was written in 2007--Bob did die later that year--I miss my friend.