Do You Have This Problem? Two Different Sized Feet

Tweet

Okay, so I'm an adult and I've grown used to various issues over time. I have come to accept (with significant resistance and pouting) that grown-ups don't get the entire summer off to do whatever they desire. In fact, now that I've attained middle-aged status, I have grown accustomed to a thickening waist, thinning hair (except for the hair coming out of my ears) and the pretty girls not noticing me anymore. But if there's one thing I seem to be oh-so-lonely with, it's the fact that my shoe size is nearly two sizes different for each foot. I've coped with this my entire adult life. I believe- but I'm not positive- that the problem started with a broken ankle (the left and shorter foot) at about the age of fourteen. By the time I was eighteen, the option of compromising with a slightly larger shoe for one foot and a slightly smaller one for the other was bye-bye. I could somewhat get away with this with cheap sneakers, but with something like a dress shoe offered few solutions. Buy two pair and toss the redundant couple, or be sneaky when possible and swap to the corresponding fit and put the others back and let someone else cope. Another option is go all Fred Flintstone, but everyplace got all la-ti-da and gets fussy about that. The first significant crisis resulting from this problem occurred when I was in Basic Training in the Army. During the unreasonably chaotic and frantic period of time to be fitted for boots, the anonymous people there only measured the right foot and issued accordingly. For most people, this wouldn't be a big deal. If you knew me, you would know nothing goes easy for me. Nothing. I tried to bring this up to the Drill Sergeants. Hand up, I said, "Excuse me, Drill Ser-" Off with the head. "But," I pleaded, "Drill Sergeant, I have-" Off with the head. I tried to cope as best as I could with the left boot being too big, but a mere few days went by and the excessive running and moving in the Texas summer heat combined with a nicely placed extra fold of leather directly under the already misshapen ankle resulted in a rubbed injury that quickly infected. Just a few days later and that foot was swollen so badly that I could no longer get the boot on that foot without coercion and the infection was by then passing my knee. After a visit to the doctor and a tremendous amount of yelling (Why didn't you say something to someone!?!) I ended up hospitalized for a month, in isolation. But the good news is I finally was able to communicate my affliction and I was issued the proper sized boots and shoes, and had the pleasure of beginning Basic Training all over again. Over the years, I've learned to be Ninja-like in my shoe shopping, surreptitiously swapping the necessary shoes and leaving chaos and confusion in my wake. But it seems the NSA, CIA, FBI and a handful of other alphabet agencies caught up with my lawlessness, and today I am seeing more and more locations electronically track each shoe in such a way that mismated pairs are recognized at checkout. They haven't done this at K-Mart yet, but to offer full disclosure, I hate their selections regardless of the issue. Well, dude, you might say, why don't you simply contact a company specializing in shoes and explain your situation. After all, if they help you, not only will it be great for their reputation of customer service, but they'd surely have a customer for life, right? Nope. Not a chance. In fact, they've all informed me that I can take my business elsewhere. Buy two pair and dump one or take a hike, you oblong weirdo. Because I am on my feet a lot and am a blue-collar guy, I would so much appreciate having a quality pair of work boots, but they can be pricey for just ONE pair of the damned things. I don't have Trump's money, for the love of Pete, so I'm reduced to crappy shoes that wear out and have to be replaced every couple of months. Am I the only one with this or is there anyone else?