Why I have hesitations about my friend's marriage

Tweet

My friend's wedding is coming up!   I am very happy for her, she is a wonderful and beautiful woman and deserves only the best.  However I'm not completely happy.  I am so sad to admit that, but its true.  Of course I want my friend to be happy and I hope that this is the best thing for her... but I have some reservations.  As I thought about writing this post I realized that I actually have many reservations about her marriage. Please, My lot friends, tell me if you think I'm a bad person or no. My first reservation comes from early on in their relationship.  Please realize that I only know her side of it - and I may have it misconstrued.   I may be entirely off.  - They were colleagues some 30 years back, though they didn't date.  He moved away, she stayed here, but a short time after they reconnected at a conference or something of the like.  They both confessed that they had liked each other.  They spent a charming evening together, at the end of which my friend asked her suitor to take her back home.  Well, the man in question had other plans - plans to continue the date at his hotel room - and when my friend politely declined this invite - the man got quite irate , dropped my friend off and she didn't hear from him again, until last year - after some 20 or 30 odd years of no contact. * Alright, I don't like this.  Who has a temper tantrum like that?  Again maybe I misunderstood the situation.  But I feel reserved \ I hope that she is not marrying a hot head who will throw tantrums when denied anything. My second reservation in not so wholesome.  I feel bad about this.  But still I can't seem to handle my feelings.  My friend and I live about an hour and a half away.  When we get together we make it an all day event - go to festivals, shopping, eat dinner...  well now with the husband around, my friend, of course will have her husband to go to dinner with, to go to festivals with... and that is how it should be.  Maybe...  if he doesn't like shopping as many men don't  - maybe we can have that yet.  If he isn't one of those types who keeps her under lock and key.  * so, my reservation here is loosing my friend.   She will be happy and in love spending all her time with her husband and I, well, I, will be single as usual and without my friend. My third reason is - what are his motives? I know that not all men are like this however  All of the relationships I've had - the man has clearly wanted something over and above a relationship with me, the thing changes but they've all seemed to want something all the same.  A housekeeper.  A free taxi.  A US. green card (in the case of my ex fiancé).  All of the romancing (in my case usually only lasts a date or 2) - all of the sweet talking, has all lead up to them trying to get what they want.  My friend's husband treats her well, splurges on her, takes her out, spends money on here,  actually physically moved across the US. to be with her...  * What does he want?  Is it truly as simple as he loves her for who she is?  Or is there some angle he's playing at?  Of course I would hope that my friend has better luck than me, and I don't think all of you men are users... some of you are truly nice-  but...  am I wrong to be suspicious? And my fourth reason, the reason I don't want to admit to.  The reason that may make me a not nice person.  I don't want to loose my friend.  I want someone to commiserate with.  I don't want to sit here and question why she is worthy and I am not worthy.  Of course, even by one glance it's easy to see.  My friend is a stunning beautiful woman with the naturally very thin - model - type body figure.  While I'm not Quasimodo or something - I'm a chubby , double chinned four eyes with crooked teeth, side burns and thunder thighs.  Men do not run the other way screaming in horror.  But they don't really offer a second glance at me, either.  Who can blame 'em?  Esp. when my beautiful friend is around.   Of course my friend is intelligent, funny, kind and talented too - it's not just her looks.  But part of me does fantasize about me saying to her - "Honey - he was a jerk and you are better off without him.  You didn't deserve **whatever imaginary crime he did** and let's go out for a girl's night."  ** yeah.  I know that's just bad all around.  I'm somewhat jealous.  I shouldn't be.  Just because she has someone doesn't make it any more or less likely that I find someone.  Just because she's getting married doesn't mean that our friendship needs to be over, maybe it will continue. In all I hope the best for my friend and with any luck I will write an update about how nice he is to her and how our friendship has grown stronger.  *If you enjoy my rantings on romance - please click the green box above that says ror