Tommy Died a Beautiful Death ...

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May 29, 2010, on a Saturday evening ... Tommy and his family arrived at their destination. They were excited ... they were spending a week at Myrtle Beach. Sands Beach Club Hotel ... 9400 Shore Drive ... Myrtle Beach, SC. They were putting their luggage on the luggage rack to roll onto the elevator to go to their room. Tommy was helping when ... a lot of luggage fell off. His wife got upset ... she never knew when Tommy took Taban's hand (his little 3-year-old son) ... disappeared. Looking back it's a good thing all happened as it did ... Tommy didn't have long in his life to go fulfill his wish to play at the beach for the first time with his little son. Looking back ... he barely made it to the beach in time. A big guy and a little guy ran, squealed, played on the beach ... waves washed ashore ... seagulls sang ... puffy white clouds floated overhead in the blue-blue sky. It was a lovely evening ... made more beautiful with the love a father shared with his son. Matching smiles of sunshine lit up the beach that evening ... I felt the glow ... 200 miles away. This mother was smiling as she looked at the few photos and a video Tommy sent. It stopped ... I knew they were playing. I smiled to myself as I sat at my computer. You see ... the night before Tommy expressed how excited he was to go to the beach to play for the first time ever ... with his little son. He wasn't going on vacation at first with the family ... Tommy was coping with a tragedy that happened one year prior ... everyone was trying to help him ... get back to living life. For some reason I never knew ... Tommy changed his mind to go ... Thank God. He would have been home alone ... when he died. It's very sad my son died ... Thank God ... he died a beautiful death ... one his son can grow up remembering. One ... his mother can associate with blue skies, puffy clouds, seagulls, the sound of the ocean waves, soft beach sand, seashells. Today, May 29, 2017 ... Tommy died 7 years ago ... and it seems like yesterday. I haven't forgotten him ... he could walk into this door right this moment ... it would be just like he never left. I smile thinking about that. He may be standing next to me and I not know it. The only thing changed is that I've come to peace with losing my son ... I had no choice if I wanted to live. Yes, I'll cry ... become sad time to time ... that's only normal when a mother grieves for her child. Grief is love ... love is grief ... the saddest love of all. No one wants to be a grieving parent ... it is a 'whole other ballgame'. On this day I can sit here ... I smile thinking about my son. Tears come to my eyes ... sadness in my Heart. Everything is alright ... I am alright ... today is a beautiful day. I'm sitting here ... remembering Tommy, my only child ... my son ... the beautiful part of me that is gone. The beautiful part of me I lost ... forever in my Heart to be found. That's where Tommy is today ... when tears flow down my cheeks and sadness squeezes my Heart ... I know when I've found him. Life is like this ... we lose our children. We shouldn't but, more mothers lose a child today. The good thing about my child is I have beautiful images in my mind ... he died in a beautiful place doing a beautiful thing with his own beautiful child. Tommy died a beautiful death ... no matter how sad, painful. For that I am grateful. I love you all the way to Heaven, Tommy. Your Ole Mom loves you. Thank you, Tracey James ... Mary James ... you 'brought Tommy to me' ... you wrote in the beach sand a message from me to Tommy that's in photo above ... and you left a Tommy Dragonfly I made ... by that message. I love you with my Heart.