Complicated family dynamics--DIL's boyfriend...
By dragon54u
@dragon54u (31634)
United States
June 11, 2017 3:20am CST
Okay, so I love my DIL. I also love my son, her husband, but he is a heroin addict that we as a family have supported as much as we can. Now my DIL has a boyfriend.
The problem is that I don't like men. I'm not a Lesbian but I don't want anything to do with men after a bad 19 year marriage and a lot of bad, no good men before that.
My DILs BF is here from 8 AM-sometimes nearly midnight. I hate having a man in the house. I don't resent my DIL being in love with someone but I do NOT like having a man around the house from 8 AM to midnight. He does nothing. He doesn't see things that need doing and neither does she. And if I point them out they do nothing about them right away and I'm lucky if anything gets done within a month.
Just venting, just venting. I know I'll have to have ANOTHER talk with them soon.
This same couple lied to me about his aunt kicking him out and him needing shelter in December of 2016. Then my DIL had him sleeping in the water heater shed which was dangerous as well as deceptive.
My divorce decree prohibits any unrelated males living with me. I can understand that completely. But it seems to me if someone is living in a house most of the day and night that would qualify. I've told my DIL this before.
I think I need to have a conversation with the boyfriend. He's pretty nice but he has and iffy job with his uncle and he takes my DIL's truck each night to sleep in.
Thoughts? Suggestions? I know I'll end up kicking them out but I have my granddaughter to think of since she and her mom live with me.
7 people like this
7 responses
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
11 Jun 17
Yes goodbye to that..terrible Dragon..this is totally unacceptable.
You'll have to get rid of them.
I have never heard of a divorce decree with that kind of condition attached?? Incredulous.
2 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
11 Jun 17
@Courtlynn 
Right? Sounds draconian.
Right? Sounds draconian.1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Jun 17
I was surprised, too, when I read it and my attorney explained it to me but apparently it's legal and a lot of men and women who pay spousal support include it in the decree. Not a problem for me normally, I don't plan on having any sort of serious relationship with anyone, ever, but it also puts me at risk if I want to shelter someone. In this case it's someone I don't want to shelter but is here anyway 18 hours a day. I will give them a realistic deadline.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
11 Jun 17
Just flat out tell them that you don't want to be the bad guy in this, but you cannot have unrelated men staying with you. Tell her that he can visit them, but that he cannot stay there.
Tough situation when you have a grandchild involved. I feel your pain there.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
11 Jun 17
@dragon54u perhaps you can take your granddaughter for weekend visits or an overnight here and there. That way you can still have her near you.
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Jun 17
Thanks, it is always a bad situation when children are involved. He's great with my granddaughter and has a 4 year old daughter of his own but she's with her mom right now since he has no place to live. I wish my DIL would have made a better choice that when you meet the person that touches your heart, that's that. I hope by my giving them a deadline to be out on their own that they will give some serious effort to organizing their lives and getting jobs, lining up childcare, etc. I wish I could provide the child care but I am no well enough.
1 person likes this
@prashu228 (37524)
• India
11 Jun 17
Very complicated. But you should talk to him. .
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Jun 17
I've decided to give her a deadline. Young people in love drive me nuts, they don't plan or think anything through, they just say what they want to do and dream about it. But they are 27 and 28 and it's time to grow up.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67085)
• United States
11 Jun 17
Wait.. she's married to YOUR son, but has a boyfriend AND he's living at YOUR home .. smh. I could never do or allow that.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
11 Jun 17
Oh boy...my son is living with another girl who is due to deliver a little girl in a few days. I love all of these people, my son and his wife and his girlfriend. My DIL has a court date on Monday for the divorce since he won't sign the papers...complicated. The boyfriend does not sleep here but in her car. I'm giving them a deadline, I'm a nervous wreck. You would not think it would bother anyone this much but it does.
@Courtlynn (67085)
• United States
11 Jun 17
@dragon54u oh itd bother me probably more than you but i wouldnt have allowed it to begin with. Its all kinds of messed up.
Hope things get better for you.
1 person likes this
@manasamanu (3746)
• Bangalore, India
11 Jun 17
I think you should talk to them once more and see if anything good happens or else you need to take some serious actions.
1 person likes this
@manasamanu (3746)
• Bangalore, India
11 Jun 17
I think you should talk to them once more and see if anything good happens or else you need to take some serious actions.
1 person likes this
