Talk On The Theme Of Change

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The June 30th true stories from our lives theme for the Spark event at Preston’Ham & Jam Café in Preston, were on the theme of Change. This was what I presented when it was my turn to share amidst several lovely short talks (we get five minutes maximum). Everything that happens to me changes me but I seem to fail to change anything or anyone around me. A time-traveller could kill anyone from Cleopatra to the Duke Of Wellington, or Hitler and radically alter history but someone coming from the future to assassinate me would find on returning to the year 3765 that everything was exactly the same as before he left. Killing a single butterfly can disrupt the future but not killing me. Changes imposed on me include being forced to write right handed instead of with my left hand (screwing up my hand-writing to this day), being dumped in a cult for half a decade in the early 1980’s. Many changes I have endured have been attempts to make me conform and fit in to a group of people I have been involved with, as if I had changed, deviated, mutated and distanced myself already and needed drawing back into the fold. I was supposed to be like the other kids, worship the same guru-god, be like the other cult-members, follow the majority decision, be a sheep rather than (acting) the goat, fit in more, conform. My very tendency to be myself suggests a reluctance to fit in, I’m too difficult to change, an old wild dog that refuses to learn new tricks. I rather like being the square peg who won’t be bashed into the round hole but it gets me a reputation for being difficult to work with. I left school with too few qualification which held me back from getting job,s o after breaking free from the cult I returned to university to get a degree, only to then be told I’m over-qualified for many jobs. I’m growing old before my time. I feel as if I have regenerated more often than the average Time Lord. I used to have hair, blonde hair at that. My voice broke just as I tried joining the school choir. I used to be able to eat lots of food and take lots of beer without putting weight on but one day I woke up weighing in like a sumo-wrestler. It’s as though someone snuck in on the night to perform reverse lipo-suction on me. I never saw it coming, nor saw my hair vanish. I’ve been in historic re-enactment group and I’m in science fiction organizations, with a foot in the pat and a foot in the future. I was changed by being brainwashed in the cult, and changed again by escaping from it. There I no actual me left, just an entity existing in a state of flux change and ultimately, entropy. I like to think my writing might change hearts and minds but it seems unlikely. I can entertain for a short time but I rarely alter anyone’s moods, beliefs or perception. People ask for my age advice and wisdom and I freely share what I think I know and believe, only to find them continuing to do what they were doing beforehand anyway. I’m changing, growing old(er), putting weight on, losing hair and teeth. I have changed my mind, beliefs, ideologies and politics often, I’m an apostate. At 55 and still single the chances are I won’t alter the gene pool. The whole line of evolution from primeval amoeba to me ends with me – I’m a cul-de-sac. Hope the changes affecting you and your life are for the better. Proceeds from the Spark event are going to The Samaritans. Song on Youtube – Black Sabbath - Changes Arthur Chappell