Parenting without a clue.
By Traci Davis
@TraciDavis (355)
Mesa, Arizona
July 17, 2017 8:32pm CST
Honestly, I got the idea for this discussion from bad moms, and there are probably a lot out there already.
My oldest daughter is 7 years old. She won't listen to me or my husband. She talks constantly, has a ton of energy, is very destructive, and we only barely got her to stop peeing in and on random things. She loves her baby sister who is a 6 years and 3 months younger then her, however she hates that so much of my time and attention is not on her, however, I actually give her far more attention now then I ever did before. Before this she was independant, strong willed and loved to do her own thing. Now her "imagination is broken" she is extremely clingy and she has such a hard time making friends. She is completely different from the way she was just a few years ago when my husband and I got together.
So now, I'm struggling through getting her therapy, getting her tested for autism, aspergers, and any other behavior disorder, just so I know what to do because right now I feel like a terrible mother.
Every time I go to work, I feel like I abandon my children. Every time I take 5 minutes to myself to try and deal with my own issues or paperwork or cleaning, I feel selfish. Any time I am writing my fiction series, I feel like I'm failing them all.
Let's not even get started on the being a wife part! >.<* But seriously though, I feel like a failure on every level as a parent and I often cry myself to sleep while my husband is blaming himself for not coming into our lives sooner, and being a terrible father.
We have no clue what we're doing, but guess what? THAT'S OK! Because we're not giving up. SO for every other parent out there, parenting without a clue, you aren't alone. You are strong, amazing and so dedicated. Don't ever give up! Keep trying as much as you can and know we're with you!
5 people like this
6 responses
@marguicha (230334)
• Chile
18 Jul 17
Nobody teaches us to be parents. The most we can do is try and love them.
2 people like this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
I have always been a bit odd, so I try to change and adapt what I do, and she hasn't been responsive to any of it until we got her into therapy. Honestly, being a parent is the best/worst job in the world, and giving up and quitting is never an option. My daughter saved my life, so I owe it to her to help her get the best one she possibly can.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13961)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 17
@marguicha You had said well my friend. I wasn't taught how to be a good mom either. I learned through the milestones
2 people like this
@marguicha (230334)
• Chile
19 Jul 17
@peachpurple Probably the most we can do is to love them.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
18 Jul 17
You can't give up. Things will eventually get better.
I have to say though, I've never hears of a 7 year ols girl peeing around the house..
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
18 Jul 17
@TraciDavis still never heard of it. Sounds like a cry for attention. Even if shes getting it she may not think its enough.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
She has abandonment issues. I was engaged for three years when she was little and he was the first person she called daddy. After we broke up he said it would be too hard to be her parent and us not be together, so I asked him to slowly phase out, and he just disappeared. So this is the aftershock. She constantly asks us if we're always going to be a family.
My husband asked to be her daddy and asked her permission to marry me so after I explained that him and his family were our "forever family" she FINALLY stopped peeing on things. She peed in her toybox twice, around the dining room table 7 times in one day, on the bathroom floor, on pillows, in a little baby doll changing stand and on my bed. It was really rough, but we're not giving up and my husband has been working really hard to go the extra mile with making sure she knows he loves her just as much as the baby.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
@Courtlynn Agreed. We also think because she has such trouble focusing and such high energy that she forgets how much attention we do actually give her. She is definitely angry for having to share attention.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
Thanks, What I really want though, is to just help her learn to be happy again, with the way things are. She's had more then enough time to adjust to the new situation, but for some reason she just gets more stubborn and resistant as time passes
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
18 Jul 17
Have you read any books by Dr John Rosemond? He's a Child Psychologist, but not typical! He has down to earth common sense advice about kids. Good luck!
2 people like this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
Awesome recommendation! Thank you! I'll have to take a look at it!
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13961)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 17
Sorry to hear that. Your problem is alike my friend's problem. Her 2 sons are just 3 years apart but the older one constantly hit the younger until bruises.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
19 Jul 17
Wow. How does your friend handle it? We just had a therapy appointment and we're getting a cft meeting scheduled to get her evaluated by a psychiatrist.
@Rianne009 (187)
•
18 Jul 17
Your daughter might get jelous of the time you spend with your other kids. As she was the center of attention then her siblings came. She's like seeking attention. And yes parenting is very challenging as i am also a a parent but i am a single parent to my my 7 years old daughter.
Before, i used to be busy with my job that i spent most of the time at work staying late at night doing overtime for extra income. Then i just noticed that whenever i am home she is always crying. Like she cried every hour and she also broke some of our things and i was worried about it as if i though that she was suffering from adhd. I remember her doctor telling me to give my time to my daughter and that we should spend time together. Coz my daughter only need my attention. So after that i always stayed at home and even joined her if shes playing. I also bought lego for her and we built anything with her lego. And i saw a lot of change after that.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
18 Jul 17
i actually just got her legos for her birthday. We also got a headband making kit, bracelet making kits and a "grow your own crystals" kit for her to do with my husband because they both like science. We also craft whenever possible and I do her hair and nails when she has made mostly good choices. We try to focus everything we can as a positivity system, but as soon as I turn my attention away (no matter what it is), even when we've spent the entire day just her and me, she instantly turns destructive and mean and rude. it's very disheartening, but we're not giving up. We also got a feelings journal.
