The Ultimate MSG Overdose

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There was nothing out of the ordinary about the end of the day; it was hot and humid and all I wanted to do was get home, take a shower and bust open a bottle of wine. Those seemingly innocent plans were derailed when I saw huge gouge marks on the bottom of the door. Clearly they were animal marks of some sort but what the hell could have make those types of marks? The integrity of the door wasn't compromised but I had the odd feeling that if I hadn't come home when I did there would have been a much different outcome for the door. Seven new voice-mails waiting for me along with a stack of mail on the table and a small mountain of packages of things I ordered online. I avoided all forms of adult responsibility and started unpacking the Chinese food containers from the now slightly soggy bag. When my plate was full I hooked the plastic half gallon container of diet iced tea with my pinky finger and headed towards the couch. That's when I had the first feeling of d eja-vu. It felt like I walked through a huge block of gelatin. That's when the pain started – the sharp contraction of shoulder and the neck spasms were the worst. As of late the pain has been so bad that I black out for five to seven minutes. After coming out of my latest stupor and seeing the condition of my livingroom I came up with the game plan of installing a few CCTV cameras that could be activated quickly. I made sure the remote for the cameras was within reach when the first twinge of pain struck. The next time the pain started up I grabbed the remote and pressed the record button, if for nothing else than the recorded footage might possibly provide me with some answers of where things disappeared to after previous events. It's a gross understatement to say that I was ill prepared to see what transpired on the video. I can only imagine what a few of my friends thought when they happened to walk in on my private screening. Normally the doors are all locked so they have to wait to get buzzed through the gates but that wasn't the case tis time. There I sat, back to the doorway, watching the captured footage on my television. Simultaneously I heard a glass breaking the same time I heard a loud scream. Neither were coming from the television. Dazed, confused and thoroughly perplexed no one made a sound or moved an inch. All I could do was reach into the bag of Chinese food and pluck out a fortune cookie. As usual, Confucius knew the answer and supplied it in the form of a riddle. “That wasn't chicken”. (posted in full under CreepyFreakyMamma in the CreepyPasta writing genre)