Not How I Wanted to Spend My Weekend

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Well, this weekend has been a drag. It started out fine -- I even got to spend some time with my family, and got to see the oldest of my younger brothers, who I hadn't seen in over 6 months. But then last night I got in a huge fight with my boyfriend, which lasted until today. I think we're okay again, but I sure was worried there for a bit. I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells, which I hate. He was very hateful toward me last night and said some horrible things, which I will try to forget since I think he was drunk. Of course that doesn't excuse it but I know from experience that sometimes you do things or say things you wouldn't otherwise do or say when under the influence. So I am going to try to let this one go, since it's not common for him to behave this way. Last night we were both at fault, although he behaved worse than I did. I told him I was fine with something and then ended up blowing up at him over it, which I shouldn't have done. That was in part from the new medication I'm taking which was making me feel very wonky and agitated, plus I was hangry on top of it. Anyway he reacted very badly and it just snowballed from there. Things have calmed down now and hopefully they stay that way because more than anything else in the world, I HATE conflict. I grew up in an abusive environment and I cannot stand fighting. Which of course means I sometimes tolerate crap that I probably shouldn't put up with and I wind up apologizing for things that I shouldn't have to apologize for just to keep the peace. I do worry that I have fallen back into the cycle of abuse, but my boyfriend normally does not behave in this manner, at least he hasn't in a long time. We did have a rough start to our relationship and used to have ugly fights in the beginning, but we haven't fought like this in a long time. Not that it got physically violent or anything, but sometimes words hurt worse than fists. Anyway, it's just been a crappy weekend, and on top of it I've been having bad side effects from my new meds. I called my pharmacy earlier and talked to a pharmacist who suggested I stop taking them until I get ahold of my doctor and see what he wants me to do. I just started taking Topamax for migraine prevention on Friday, and it is already causing issues with my vision. I've been having a lot of pain and pressure in my eyes that is not going away with sleep, as well as vision changes that is not being corrected by my glasses. This medication comes with a warning that it can cause permanent eye damage so it could be that I just can't take it. So tonight I will skip my dose and I will call my neurologist tomorrow and see what he wants me to do. Maybe he can prescribe something else or maybe I'll just always have to live with these migraines. Not like I haven't lived with them for the last 31 years already.