My grey hairs are showing

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The grey in my hair is peeking out again. I saw it this morning while I was washing my face, those persistent strands of hair that simply would not be permanently dyed away. Got me thinking about life.... not an existential crisis or anything, just thoughts about life in general. And somewhere between cleaning my teeth, packing bags and ensuring that my son was ready for another day at school; between the ironing of the clothes and kissing my husband farewell. Somewhere in the midst of all of that bustle, I made a mental list: Things I would never see the same way again. Here’s what I’ve got so far: Elementary School These years were wild and free and uninhibited. And it didn’t matter what your gender or gender expression was, nothing was so tightly defined. We were just all children running around, playing tag, getting sticky and sweaty and having fun. I won't ever experience this again and I miss the innocence and freedom of it. My first fist fight When I was growing up, we had at least one fist fight every semester. These fights weren’t true expressions of rage or anything. And it wasn’t really viewed as bullying then. It was just a ritual, a rite of passage, a thing we did. Like Tom Sawyer’s line in the sand. My first fist fight, I was defending my baby brother. At that time boxing and Muhammad Ali was a big thing, and I fancied myself a boxer, so I just closed my eyes and went in there swinging. My first period This was in school. I was so unprepared for this. The boys discovered what happened before I did. They laughed. I cried. All the way home. I won’t experience this again. And I’m okay with that. High School A period of inbetweenity. A time of temptation, of experimentation. I did a lot of experimenting in high school. Like… My first kiss Gross. It was like winning three wishes with a genie and then throwing them all away. My first kiss was absolutely anti-cllimatic. There was nothing romantic about it. It felt like kissing my slobbering dog. Thing is, I didn’t even like the first guy I kissed. Not really. I kissed him because all the cool girls had already been kissed and I wanted to be cool too. What a waste! And now, I will never have that first kiss ever again. My first crush There is something fragile, something tender, something beautiful about a first crush. It’s soft and fresh like a flower that has just taken bloom. When I was 13, I had a crush on this bespectacled guy who was several inches shorter than me. And I know that does not fit the standard definition of sexy, but he was. We met at a dance once, we danced the lambada and as far as my 13 year old imagination would allow, he was the 80s’ version of Christian Grey. No, he was not my first kiss. We never kissed. We never dated. We danced and it was Oh. My. God! I had a huge crush on that guy for my entire first year of high school. So that’s another thing I won’t experience again. Losing my virginity Growing up, I used to steal my mothers Mills & Boons' novels and flip to the steamy pages and I would imagine what it felt like to see stars. What a rude awakening. So I won't experience that again. And that's okay. College years This is a period of induction into adulthood. It’s heady, this time. The time when I got to turn my own keys without having to pay the rent. For many people, these years are the best of their live. For me, they were among the most disastrous. This is the time I nearly lost my life. I won’t experience this time again, not the same way, and I’m okay with that. My first real orgasm Oooh! True Love Coming to understand that love isn’t perfect or pure, but it is complete. Some people don’t believe in love at first sight. I do. I loved my husband the first day I saw him. I still do. Seeing him the first time, our eyes meeting, us being drawn to each other, immediately connecting… I won’t have that again… but I do have him and we have our lives together, so it’s just as well. My dad My dad passed away the year I was recognised as adult in the eyes of the law. When he died there were so many things we had left unsaid. I miss him terribly, but I will never see him again… not this side of the grave. Many years have passed, but this still hurts. See, my dad was the first man I ever knew and loved and looked up to. And he was such a giant in my life when he lived. Still, I have grown to treasure the memories we did have when he was alive. Maybe we will meet again one day. And finally, of course, to close this list: Naturally black hair. I won’t ever have a full head of naturally black hair again. So that’s my list of things (or people) I have experienced that I will never experience again. What’s yours?