I'm so heartbroken

Tweet

I haven't been here much due to some personal issues, but I would check in on @Asylum to make sure he was still active. It wasn't until the middle of the night last night that I read in a Facebook group that he had died. My last activity here was exactly a month before he died. This breaks my heart, mostly because there are very few people in my life (not counting my online friends) that understands how I grieve. So when I looked back on my own discussions, I noticed that I didn't post what happened to me, starting August 25, 2017. On Aug 25, a super really good online friend died. I never met her, but we constantly were in communication, whether online or by phone. I received a voicemail from her just days before her death and it was my phone call back to her, and me demanding to talk to her husband and tell him she needs to go the hospital, that caused her last days to be as comfortable as possible. When my friend died, I took it really hard, yet real life people (I'll call them RLP) didn't appreciate my tears. I believe it took me longer to grieve because of that, but fortunately I had RLP who allowed me to grieve and I moved on...until Dec 20, when a friend I knew and had spent time with because her son and my son were close in age, she died. Again, the other RLP didn't like my grieving and let's just say it got really ugly. This time my hard grieving process lasted 6-7 weeks (when I say my hard grieving, I mean I couldn't function around those who didn't like my grieving). I hate to call it a blessing in disguise, but this caused me to get away. I already volunteered at my daughter's shop Sundays and Mondays, but I needed the rest of the week filled in, I couldn't stay at home. So I began volunteering at the library. Why all this volunteering? Because I need to learn to stand on my own and by volunteering my chance of getting a job increases. I no longer take care of this home, because it feels like a grave to me. I'm also involved in a writing group where I can get feedback for my writing, but unfortunately in order to use that feedback, that means I would have to be at home to edit my work. But I am, it's just taking longer than I thought it would. So that is what is going on with me. I will grieve silently for @Asylum. Today I am at my daughter's shop, and she understands, so I will spend time today thinking of my friend.