I grew up feeling rather scared of success. Why do you suppose that is?

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When I had many friends in medium places, neither high nor low places, back in school days during my youth, I found that when a teacher praised my name in class when I was not in attendance I started to notice some students looking at me with envious eyes. When I was just another student, obscure, invisible, blending in with the others, I was wondering always about the cheer leaders, the student body presidents, the rich kids, the ones who made A plus grades and drove Mercedes and spent time standing outside classrooms, chit chatting away right before the bell sounded. Where did I fit in all of this? I was never afraid of doing well at my class assignments, but often lacked interest in certain class subjects and I was basically lazy and did not live up to my full potential. I could have been a straight A student but because I just wanted to make friends and get along with people, I found that there were certain types or groups of students who were more or less elite and separated from the main groups of students. The ones who had come from wealth and prosperity. The ones who found it easy to slide right through class without any problems and they made an impression on me. While I observed these different levels of social types in public school, I didn't feel as I fit in as I was basically a lazy intellectual. I was a casual learner. But with a few exceptions. In Band, I was top notch. I was one of the best trumpet players in all of the band. I stood up there along with the elites of the band. I did not have an outgoing personality at that time and it was apparent that my love for music and performance were in direct contradiction to my very personal human nature as an introvert from a less financially advantaged family. I wanted to do well in art, drafting, band, orchestra and choir class. I was happy just doing well enough to pass in history, biology and math. I hated those classes. When I reached the age of graduation I was only age 17. I was from the W.H. Adamson High School Graduating Class of '75. I wanted to be a trumpet player in the Dallas Symphony Orchestra, but I did not have college behind me yet and I was told I needed to complete several years of music majors and music theory and composition classes and all that before even considering becoming a professional trumpet player in the Dallas Symphony Orchestra. So I gave up the trumpet in spite of my skill level at it. Others were envious of my talent both as a trumpet player, 1st chair in both Jr. High and High School. I was admired for my ability to play the piano by ear and not using sheet music as I only had few months of piano lessons with reading sheet music back in 5th or 6th grade elementary school when my father told my mother he could not afford my lessons so I had to drop out of piano class before I realized my talent and I still played but never learned sheet music. I did know sheet music from playing trumpet in the W. E. Greiner Jr. High school marching and symphonic bands and later in the W.H. Adamson High School marching, lab band, jazz band and symphony bands. I never got the chance to realize my dream of becoming a professional trumpet player in any band. Most of my friends played guitar and they did not feel a need to have me play the trumpet, but I was often asked to play the percussion in some basic home recording sessions ad lib. It is hard to say what I might have been if only I had not given up and had I continued to practice the trumpet. Today, a trumpet, guitar and 2 electronic keyboards sit in the closet collecting dust. I gave up on it all. I became more a listener of music, a passive listener of it. Do you sometimes feel that you passed up a golden opportunity at success in your life time, just because you felt like you would never amount to anything? Well, I have lived a life based on this simple saying. "LIFE IS WHAT HAPPENS WHILE WE'RE MAKING OTHER PLANS." -